To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

Exactly. And what makes her think a grand master would want to date a woman who is not a grand master? (Obviously, I am overthinking, but still)?

If you don’t mind me saying so you don’t sound the least like a curious person or a critical thinker.

It's your choice who you date. Personally I wouldn't put hard restrictions.
My DW is a chartered accountant and Finance director for a x hundred million pound company. She doesn't have a degree and she champions people from less privileged backgrounds going the non degree route.

My two best friends are both worth tens of millions. Neither has a degree, both have built companies. On the other hand, I've met loads of halfwits with degree's.

It's up to you. Everyone has preferences. Completely individual. Others might have the exact opposite preference.

I would initially have disagreed with you.

However, after having dated several men who dropped out of their degree courses (with me having a BA and a MA myself), who all started to get really nasty and put me down at a certain point and showed other signs of insecurity in this area, I'm 100% with you now.

See also men who don't read.

Yes.

Although I must say that my children also met their partners through friends/ their wider social group in person rather than through online dating, I don't think most people are setting filters on apps to find their potential partner even today.

Exactly this!

I wouldn't date someone who was thicker than me. But I wouldn't use the possession of a degree as a good marker of overall intelligence.

I know some incredibly smart people without one and some utter mugs with several.

Definitely not dealbreakers! I’m not rigid about it, I’ve met brilliant people who didn’t finish uni or who built amazing careers and businesses without one.

It’s not about ticking a box, it’s more about shared outlook and ways of thinking. I’ve just noticed over time that I tend to vibe more easily with people who’ve had a similar educational experience, but I’m always open to being surprised. This post was more about exploring that pattern, not drawing a hard line.

I have a post grad but there are so many people with a 2:2 or a 3rd class degree or they are lazy and have a poor work ethic.

My ex has a very good degree, and an amazing and very well paid job but he’s an absolute arsehole in relationships.

I don’t expect everyone to agree and I’m not asking for permission. I started the thread more out of curiosity than anything else, to see how others think about dating filters and where they draw their own lines.

I know what tends to work for me but it’s always interesting to hear different perspectives. Doesn’t mean I’ll suddenly change my mind but it helps to reflect on how these preferences are shaped.

Broadly yes, intellectual compatibility would matter to me. But the dregree is a bit of a blunt instrument. I had an interesting, curious ex who didn't go to university mostly because of life circumstances. Probably would go if he were 18 now. And I have another friend who I love for our serious, intelligent thoughtful conversations. Again no degree because she dropped out. So that side of her would absolutely work for me in a partner.

Amongst lots of other criteria, I won’t (well, wouldn’t when I was single) date men who didn’t have a similar level of education to me. I have two postgrad degrees, so that filtered out a lot of men.

I also didn’t date men who earned less than me.

However, I never started a thread about it. You, like everyone else, can date who you want. Why crowdsource opinions on your sorting criteria?

So prospective boyfriends don’t have to have gone to uni or have a degree? I’m confused.

Do you basically just mean you don’t want to date a couch potato?

OK, thanks for the heads up

Are you very young?

I won't see 60 again, and more people my age didn't go to university than did, so I would not use that as a filter.

Pretty well, I’d say. Part of critical thinking is being able to reflect on your own preferences, test them against opposing views and still stay open to challenge. That’s exactly what I’m doing here - hearing different perspectives, explaining my own and staying in conversation without shutting anyone down.

Wouldn’t it be better to say you don’t like ignorant men? You can have a degree from a top university and be ignorant and boring as hell. Plenty of highly educated people have zero personality, zero emotional intelligence and nothing interesting to say. I have known several people with degrees who’ve barely read anything. They just wanted a degree for the social status or better job opportunities. Once they’d got that, they never opened another book. And there are plenty of people who never bothered with university yet read voraciously.

I do know what you mean. I find ignorant people so f-ing boring I could scream.

Well, if we are being that elitist, let us ALL go down that route - if you had a BA and MA in astrophysics/aerospace engineering/chemistry/applied maths - they, I am sure, would not have been cheeky about your degrees? But what am I saying - it would have been BSc, MSc, not 'As'.

Definitely not unreasonable. It’s always been one of my criteria as well as I’ve found that I have a much higher level of compatibility with men that have similar educational backgrounds.

She of the dimmest people I know have degrees. You don't need to be very smart to have a degree.

I know some right closed minded thickos with degrees, so I don’t think it’s the best parameter to estimate if a potential suitor will be intelligent and have a love for learning.
I went to uni but didn’t graduate because of a health problem, so I wouldn’t make your cut - but I’m a chartered accountant and enjoy learning chess and languages.

I’m not asking because I’m unsure of what works for me but more out of curiosity about how others approach their own dating filters. We all make choices based on patterns we’ve noticed but it’s interesting to hear what others consider red or green flags and whether they’ve had experiences that changed their perspective. It’s not always about changing minds, sometimes it’s just about reflection and conversation.

Maybe not thick as getting to Uni in is hard, do you mean they don't have common sense?