To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

If that's a standard you have, then that's a standard you have. I do think you would exclude some perfectly wonderful guys, but that's your perogative. I have a degree and my husband doesn't.

I went to a prestigious university and have 2 post-grad qualifications. I’m dating someone who didn’t go to university. Many of the most successful, curious (about the world) and interesting people I know didn’t go to university, either by choice or through lack of opportunity. In the course of my work (lawyer) I work with many entrepreneur clients who didn’t go to university. They are all intelligent and interesting people.

Conversely, some of the people I know from university are quite dull with very limited horizons. So I wouldn’t limit my dating (or social) circle to “must have a degree”. That means nothing, and says nothing about the person’s qualities, values, or intellect.

I have a degree in Classics from a Russell Group uni, Mr Monkey doesn't have a degree and left school at 18 with two A levels.

If I had applied your standard I would have missed out on a relationship and deep friendship with one of the most interesting and relentless engaged and curious people I have ever met. He is endelssly fascinated by music, travel, film, comedy, politics, history, food, other people, sport etc... I have dragged him to endless Roman mjseums and archeological sites and he has taken me to all sorts of obscure clubs and music festivals. We are constantly learning from each other. What we share is an interest in our surroundings and a willingness to give new things a go. Boy, have we had some adventures over the years!

It's not letters after your name - it's mindset, williingness to learn and curiosity.

Of course they count, I agree that university isn’t everything and the traits you’ve listed are incredibly important. My post wasn’t about saying only people with degrees are worth dating. It’s just that I’ve noticed I tend to connect more easily with people who’ve had that shared educational experience, not because it makes them better but because it often aligns with how I think and communicate. It’s one of many filters, not the only one.

For me, I’ve just found I tend to connect better with people who’ve had similar educational experiences, not because it’s “better” but because it often shapes how someone thinks, communicates or approaches life. I completely understand that’s not everyone’s filter though.

Equally, they can always think they're right and be closed to other ideas or ways of thinking. Some are just able to articulate their limited views more eloquently.

It’s an awful narrow way of thinking for an educated person 🤣

I find this mindset utterly bizzare. Lots of people are more than capable of competing a degree but chose not to. Many degrees literally aren’t worth the paper they’re written on and there are other career options. For example, to become a chartered accountant you don’t need to have a degree. You gain a qualification and have to pass hard exams, but by your logic, you’d pass up on a partner who is a chartered Accountant for someone that studied Sociology at degree level but can’t get a job (funnily enough)

Makes sense….. not! 😂

Very strange - only 2000 grandmasters in the world, minus 40 female ones, minus 240 Russian grandmasters, minus Ukraine, China, Hungary, the rest of Eastern Europe, etc. She would have had a very small pool to swim in? What a funny brag. But I guess, good for her?

Spot on, the last thing that goes through my mind is someone's level of education, it's their attitude and values, the way they conduct a conversation and they way they treat people. One of my dearest friends left school at 16 and is one of the most intelligent and perceptive people I know. They are very well read, interested in the arts and film and are very politically astute. They simply were not born into a family who valued education or indeed her .Some people's life chances mean that going on to further education is not an option

Being single doesn’t mean my preferences are flawed, it just means I haven’t met the right person yet. I’d rather stay true to what actually works for me than compromise just for the sake of being coupled up. It’s not about perfection, it’s about compatibility and I’m okay with taking my time on that.

I personally think it shows a certain narrow mindedness to assume that only people who've gone to university love to learn and value education. My husband never went and he's the most curious, enthusiastic learner I know. He's also humble, unsnobby, hardworking and a deeply unselfish and empathetic human being. Meanwhile all the uni grads I dated before him were well up themselves, considered themselves higher beings and were selfish, lazy partners.

But honestly your narrow mindedness just saves other men like my husband from falling into relationships with people who wouldn't appreciate them, so it's a net positive for the universe anyway!

How old are you?

Yes that’s weird. That’s like an athlete saying they’ll only date olympic gold medalists. Fine if there’s a nice pool of them at your disposal for you to choose from I guess.

Right? I've done a quick Google and apparently there are only around 40 grand masters in the UK. A very narrow pool indeed.

Why not just met lots of people and see what clicks? It's really up to you. You sound young though. I've met amazing people without degrees who have the mindset you say. Even more so sometimes because sometimes too much education stops you from actually thinking. (I'm not saying its not useful for getting jobs etc which is a separate matter). This coming from someone with multiple degrees.

You can have any preference you want when it comes to dating and romantic relationships.

You're not interviewing candidates for a job, you don't have to be objectively reasonable about what you're looking for. You don't owe anyone a "chance".

Obviously any filtering out of groups of people will limit your "pool" and possibly screen out someone wonderful, but being completely undiscriminating will mean a larger number of completely unsuitable "candidates".

Up to you. Not unreasonable and you can always filter differently in six months time if you're still looking.

Spot on

Haha fair, student life does come with its clichés! But I’m talking more about things like how people approach learning, the kind of curiosity they have about the world and the ability to hold nuanced conversations, not just what they ate at uni or how many nights out they had.

It’s not about thinking uni is the only path, just that I’ve noticed a stronger connection, for me personally, with people who’ve been through that kind of environment. That’s all.

I think YABU .and I say that as someone whose Son has a Masters! Many people have their own business. Have worked their way up after School and so on to do well at a company.I suspect you also imagine they have a higher wage! You also dont mention whether or not you also have a degree?

Somehow I feel dating was easier when you just went and talked to someone you liked the look of in a club 😆

I went to university and have a degree. But we wouldn’t be compatible based on the rest of your post because our values/opinions on education don’t necessarily align. So I would be given a chance but someone who has the same values and opinions as you but not the bit of paper wouldn’t be considered, for lack of a better word. It just feels like you’re narrowing your pool for no real reason.

Completely agree.

I have a first class degree and post grad qualifications etc. I have more letters after my name than there are in it.

My partner failed his A Levels and does skilled manual labour.

🤷🏻‍♀️

so you would also only want men who will only date women with degrees and not consider women without one, as otherwise they are automatically not on the same page as you and therefore incompatible, yes?

So when you meet these men do you always make sure that they also only date women with degrees?

It’s not about status or judging anyone’s background, I fully recognise that people have very valid reasons for not going to university and I’d never hold that against someone. This isn’t about looking down on anyone. It’s just that I tend to connect better with people who’ve had similar formative experiences. That could be a degree, an apprenticeship or something else entirely, it’s about mindset, not prestige.

Everyone’s entitled to their own dating preferences. This just happens to be one of mine.

Exactly