To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

I know plenty of people who went to uni who're as thick as mince. What is it, about the university experience, that makes a man more palatable to you?

Which degrees are worthless? You must have a massive list there. Do tell us which they are.

Not at all, I actually have huge respect for people who create or build things with care and craftsmanship. What I’m referring to is shared values and mindset more than profession.

For me, I’ve just found I tend to connect better with people who’ve had similar educational experiences, not because it’s “better” but because it often shapes how someone thinks, communicates or approaches life. I completely understand that’s not everyone’s filter though.

Given you can’t get in to University if you are “thick as mince” I find this hard to believe.

You sound like my mum, always sure she knew way more than the graduates in her office. She didn’t.

That’s ridiculous - shared values and experiences?

So someone who has an Open University degree would tick your box, but how would they share your values and experiences?

Honestly, slower but more intentional. I’d rather hold out for something that genuinely aligns than settle for a mismatch. Clarity has been really helpful.

Obviously it’s fine if being educated is something you find more attractive but I wouldn’t go about saying it to everyone as it does sound snobby.

I think one of the problems with OLD is we all have these supposed criteria - education, height, whatever - but in real life if we met someone we found attractive we’d just go with that. We wouldn’t worry about all of these things.

To be fair, I don't think single straight men with lucrative carpentry, horticulture and patisserie businesses are in large supply outside of Nancy Meyers films.

You do know education and intelligence are two very different things?

'I know this might sound snobby to some'

Try 'this might sound snobby to everyone'

Fill your boots OP - no one is actually bothered what your criteria are.

Degrees as in doing something with it or just the eternal student who doesn't like adulting?

It works both ways they may not want to date someone so narrow minded
Your not the only one who gets to choose....

You do you I suppose, but at what point does this come up? Do you have it noted on your dating profile that Men without a degree need not apply? Ask them to produce proof before accepting a date? Or wait until the date itself and then up and walk out halfway through when they mention they did an apprenticeship?

You sound like someone who makes the fact they went to Uni their whole personality and places utmost importance on it, whereas I’d struggle to say with any certainty which of my adult friends went and which didn’t. It’s not remotely important or relevant to who someone is as a person.

I also filtered dating apps to filter out people without degrees but that was mainly to just whittle it down a bit. I also really value curiosity and intelligence and couldn't date anyone without those traits but I absolutely wouldn't require a degree as I think a lot of degrees are meaningless. I do require they have a job and a home. I think that's reasonable.

Oh for sure, uni doesn’t cure “thick as mince” syndrome but it often signals curiosity, commitment and exposure to certain ways of thinking. That’s what I vibe with. It’s less about prestige and more about compatibility.

@BoredZelda having a degree often shows that someone was able to complete a structured program of study, but it doesn’t necessarily reflect their overall intelligence, creativity, or common sense.

I can’t say it’s ever bothered me that much. A decision somebody made at 18 usually based on their parents and their schooling has never really struck me as saying anything fundamental about somebody’s values, intelligence or aptitude in their own independent adulthood. And honestly, anybody above the age of about 25 who is still wanging on about their degree and their university I just tend to assume hasn’t achieved much beyond it.

You’re not being unreasonable but you may be missing out.
I have a 1st from one of the best & most competitive universities in the UK. My partner however left school at 16 to work as an electrical apprentice.
I am very happy with him and hope we will stay together.
My previous partners all had degrees. I am however- obviously- not with any of them any more.Thank god.
Believing a partner has to have a degree, or be 6 foot tall, or enjoy opera, or whatever, can result in some very poor decisions.

😂

It’s not about a rigid box-ticking exercise, of course someone with an Open University degree could tick that box. For me, it’s more the mindset I tend to find in people who’ve been through higher education in some form. That could absolutely include non-traditional routes.

It’s not a guarantee of values or compatibility, just a trend I’ve noticed in who I naturally click with. And to be honest, I think most of us have preferences like this, even if we don’t always say them out loud.

Well if I had had that criteria I would never have dated my DH who left school at 16. He has been very successful and is a very high earner.

He actually loves learning and is very intelligent ( all A grades at GCSE) but was horrifically bullied at school and just wanted out. He joined a bank as a school leaver and worked his way up to managing director before being headhunted by a top 5 accountancy firm and is now a director there. He also happens to be a published author ( non fiction) and is now writing his first novel.

We were both fairly low grades in banking when we met but both worked our way up the grades.

My son is 20 and many of his friends from his grammar school have decided against uni due to cost and the fact that having a degree no longer guarantees a job. He beat a graduate with a first class degree from a top uni to the finance job he is in now.

Given cost of uni, what about someone with a professional qualification that can be done with experience and professional exams without a degree?

Well there’s ‘book smart’ and ‘life smart’ isn’t there. A couple of the most educated people I know have next to zero common sense or knowledge of anything outside of the subjects they studied.

You can have any criteria you like for the people you date. You will potentially miss out on some compatible men that way, as plenty of people who value education don't end up going to university for a range of reasons, but that's your decision to make. You don't owe anyone a relationship, and it's no more unfair to not date someone for not going to university that it is because you find them physically unattractive, or they have different politics, or any of the any other criteria people may have.

YANBU OP. I think it's perfectly fine to have boundaries and date who you want regardless of whether people approve or not.

That said, DH left school at 17 with few qualifications after his dad died, his mum needed money and his motivation for academic work vanished. He is better read, more culturally engaged, more intelligent and higher earning than most male graduates or professionals that I know.