To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

I’m the opposite.

I went to uni, and find that majority of degree holding men are more arrogant. So I prefer to date men who haven’t been to university.

What shared experiences and values? getting pissed in the student union? smoking weed on campus? having no money and eating pasta for weeks on end!!

I don’t think it’s a perfect filter either and I get that uni can mean very different things to different people. I guess for me, it’s more a shorthand for shared mindset than a rigid rule. If someone went just to party and coasted through, that would come through in how they carry themselves now, so no, that wouldn’t necessarily tick the box.

Likewise, someone who dropped out but pursued other forms of learning or built something for themselves would probably still have the traits I’m drawn to. It’s the values underneath - curiosity, growth, a willingness to challenge ideas, that matter most.

Dating is an inherently discriminatory process by nature. It has to be. You can choose not to date anyone based on any criteria you choose, whether other people agree with it or not. I’m just not sure why you need to come on Mumsnet to validate your decision. It’s irrelevant whether people agree or disagree. You can choose to exclude people based on educational level, weight, age, personality trait, whether they are a Libra or have a first name beginning with the letter T, any arbitrary characteristic you wish.

I don’t want to date anyone based on man who has piercings of any sort. I’m under no illusion it would probably mean I’m missing out on some cracking men out there but it’s just not something I want in a partner. You can make up any criteria for yourself you wish.

I agree with @OP, you like what you like. That's not to say there aren't loads of decent men without degrees but her preference is for a decent guy with a degree. I used to work with someone who said she couldn't marry a man without good DIY skills, suum cuique.

Do whatever you want, but this is a you issue rather than a men who didnt go to university one.

Have you ever thought about why some people didn't go to university? Finances, family circumstances? Ah yes, you wouldn't want to date anyone with that sort of a background, would you? What about someone who did a degree apprenticeship, does that hold enough status for you? 🙄

You're not exactly coming across as someone who likes to challenge ideas

I am and quite content with being selective to be honest. Everyone has different dealbreakers and preferences. Mine happen to include education and mindset compatibility. That doesn’t mean I think everyone has to agree but it does mean I know what I value in a partner, and I’d rather wait for that than settle just to say I’m not single.

Well of course it’s purely your choice.

What if they ran their own successful business with no degree, or they dropped out before graduating - would those be deal breakers?

You can't dine out forever on experiences at uni for the 3 to 4 years of your life you were there. It looks like arrested development beyond about 28.

I didn’t suggest there’s anything wrong with being single, I suggested your mindset by not be working very well.

Just curious, if people says its unfair, will you change your criteria? If you know what you are looking, then you know. What others think about this doesn't really matter.

I think you’re cutting out a lot of potential partners. When I went to uni (1988-1992), it was parroted to us that only 5% of people went to uni. It was not inclusive in those days, as it is now. There are many reasons why someone may not have opted for uni and chosen an alternative route, regardless of their intelligence. Obviously, it depends how old you are, but if you’re in my age range or older, I think you’re really limiting yourself with such a narrow criteria

Ha yes. Ironic isn’t it. I wonder if OP can even see the irony.

You can choose not to date someone for any reason. I’ve never dated someone who didn’t have at least one postgraduate degree. DH has three degrees. I have four.

I have lots of other complete no nos which are not going to make sense to everyone, but which have served me well. I wouldn’t date someone without perfect spelling and grammar. I wouldn’t date a man with no female friends. I wouldn’t date a non-reader. I wouldn’t date a football fan. I wouldn’t date someone who didn’t cook and wasn’t interested in food.

Not really, I wasn’t referring to any specific ideology. I just tend to find people who’ve studied at university (in any subject, anywhere on the spectrum) are often more used to engaging with abstract ideas, debating respectfully or thinking critically about the world, and that’s something I personally connect with.

But that doesn’t mean every grad is like that or that people without degrees aren’t. It’s a trend I’ve noticed for me, not a universal truth I’m trying to impose.

I think you sound naive and inexperienced to believe you will be compatible with someone simply because they chose to stay in education for three extra years, rather than get started in a job or career. But given there's no shortage of men in that category, you will probably drop lucky and find a graduate you're compatible with, so there will likely be no harm done to your chances by having this as a filter. Unless it puts off nice men (with or without degrees) who think it means you fancy yourself as a superior intellect of some sort.

Also, about 2 in 5 people go to university these days. It's a bizarre selection criteria

So you have experience to know what type of person youre likely to get on with, why are even asking the question?

It doesnt sound that you're interested in changing your mind, you're an adult, do what suits you best. This decision affects no one but you

THIS. Date who you want- you can have any filter you like, I couldnt give a toss.

However, judging on some of the twats I went to uni with, you are being a little silly stereotyping them as all being super keen to "learn" and assuming people without degrees as not keen on learning. Thats quite naive/silly/ignorant really.

You're not being unreasonable to have that as a dating profile filter but I wouldnt stick rigidly to it IRL.

I used to have it as one of my filters when I did OLD. You've have to filter on something. But I wouldn't stick rigidly to it.

Getting a degree doesn't make you a decent person a good partner or, as I have found, necessarily an interesting conversationalist!

They might be less likely to spend their evenings hanging flags from lampposts but it doesn't prevent them from sharing the viewpoint of those who do.

Nope, I didn’t and to be honest, this post isn’t about prestige or status. It’s more about shared mindset and compatibility I’ve noticed with people who’ve also been through a university experience, regardless of where they went.

Before I met my husband I had a list for potential partners. He ticked precisely none of the points. And when I met him I realised he was the part of me I hadn’t even known was missing. We’re head over heels - so, so happy. As someone who’s been as prescriptive as you - don’t do it! You may well deprive yourself of untold happiness.