To not want to date men who don’t have degrees?

[ForNiftyOrca]

I know this might sound snobby to some but I’ve realised I’m just not interested in dating men who haven’t been to university. It’s not about money or status, it’s about mindset. I find I connect better with people who enjoy learning, have a similar outlook and value education in the same way I do. It’s not that men without degrees aren’t intelligent or successful, I just find I’m more compatible with those who’ve been through that experience.

AIBU to have this as a dating filter or is it unfair to rule people out based on education?

Or it could signal that you wanted to leave home and have a good time (by going to uni), or it could signal what values and mindset your parents had. What about those who went to uni for a party and left with poor grade degree as a result, do they still meet your values? Or those who dropped out? It’s fine to have whatever standards you want, but I feel this one is a little flawed in places.

You absolutely can. I know of native English speakers who were doing a degree in English Literature who couldn't construct a basic sentence in English

But you can get a degree from the OU - my parents both did when I was small back in the ‘80s. Their university experience would be entirely different to a person who went to a bricks & motar university.

I think you sound quite ignorant and think you’re superior

I agree with that. Intelligence isn’t limited for formal education at all and I know plenty of sharp, insightful people who never went to university.

My post wasn’t about equating a degree with intelligence, it’s more about the type of conversations, shared references and outlook I’ve found I naturally connect with in people who’ve had a similar educational experience. It’s a personal preference, not a universal rule.

It’s not so much about having a degree itself, but rather how open a person is to learning something new. It doesn’t always correlate with university education.
Also, speaking of professional deformation, I can’t stand some people with certain degrees — and I’ve got a PhD myself 😂

It might also signal not having any idea what you want to do and extending your studies to avoid making any decisions.

Anyway, please yourself. Some men might dodge a bullet.

I don't think that's true at all. Years ago I had a fling with a guy who was incredible in bed but total prat. Happy to have a few one off nights with him but wasn't going to date him.
OP, going to uni is only one part of a person's life experience and depending on what they do, may not have been the most appropriate route into their career. I get having a criteria of well read, articulate, intelligent etc but that very specific box of uni seems v restricted.

So are you not still single then?

I have a 1st class degree. My DP barely even went to school and has no qualifications at all. However he earns far more money than I do, is definitely more intelligent, as well as being full of random knowledge, and very funny to boot. So yeah I’d say you’re being a bit closed-minded there.

Yep - I don’t think a degree is discriminating enough honestly! I know plenty of people with degree who are fucking idiots.

And it is perfectly possible to not have gone to university due to family background/disability/other career goals etc and be incredibly bright and intellectually curious. Less common these days than it was 40 years ago, but not exactly unheard of.

I mean people who’ve pursued a degree and grown from the experience, not just collecting qualifications for the sake of it. It’s less about having a degree on paper, and more about the mindset, discipline and broader thinking that often (not always!) comes with that kind of experience. I’m not judging anyone who chose a different path, this is just one of my personal filters when it comes to compatibility.

The smartest person I know didn't even complete high school. Alot of people enjoy learning without going to uni OP

Does 'ways of thinking' = diversity and inclusivity, men are women and Brexit and Trump bad, above everything else? Ironically that's usually from a conformist mindset that's the antithesis of intelligence and critical thinking

Did you go to Oxbridge OP?

What about people who are kind, have morals, have opinions on a variety of subjects, have common sense, are funny yet caring, can cook, do DIY and so on. I guess they don’t count? University isn’t everything.

I definitely don’t lead with “must have degree” or make it my personality! It’s not something I interrogate people about or bring up on first dates. It’s just something I’ve noticed over time when it comes to compatibility, I tend to connect more with people who’ve had similar formative experiences or who approach the world with a certain mindset.

That doesn’t mean I assume anything negative about people who haven’t been to uni. Everyone has different priorities when dating and this happens to be one of mine. It doesn’t need to matter to you, it matters to me and that’s enough.

Seems daft to me.

Plenty of very intelligent people don’t go to university. Skilled trades people for example are very clever.
I can understand valuing work ethic, but not putting uni on a pedestal.

I used to do the same. But a degree just shows they had a learning mindset during uni. I dated lots of guys with degrees that were not that intelligent or wanted to learn.

DP doesn’t have a degree. But constantly wants to learn and is really intelligent. He just couldn’t go to uni from school and then life happened. He has a good job by being talent managed and showing his skills without a degree.

He is now on his late 40s completing a degree. Don’t discount guys without degrees

I think its ignorant, and makes you look blinkered. There are many exciting, interesting occupations that don't require a degree but do require learning. I know of successful commercial pilots and air traffic controllers in this boat just for two examples. There's also something odd about older adults still harping on about their University days.

You're assuming people who go to university are clever and have a particular outlook re education etc. I can confidently say you're misinformed on both counts.

I think that would definitely count, especially if it shows commitment to learning and growth.
For me it’s less about the format (e.g. traditional uni vs alternative routes) and more about whether someone values education and has that curiosity or discipline to pursue it.

I know uni isn’t the only way, it’s just been a helpful proxy for me when thinking about compatibility. But I’d take someone seriously if they’d built a career through professional exams or another rigorous route.

But again, if you are single then it’s not worked out for you so far?

I think it's very shortsighted, OP. Not everyone who's curious and open to learning and able to think creatively chose to go to university or was able to. That wouldn't be one of my filters. But everyone's got something that other people think is shallow. I find men who are shorter than me a massive turn off that I can't get over (and I say that having berated myself for being shallow and gone out with various shorter men to try to prove to myself that I was being ridiculous). I know that missed out on some amazing, kind, intelligent men because of this, but it is what it is.

Yes, the first type of person that comes to mind when it comes to discipline is a student

I think I took this filter on and off. I know what you mean but I know men with small businesses and admire that more than someone who did a degree and follows a linear job path for their whole life (like me 🫣)