To end a friendship over disability slur

[Opal888]

I have a friend of about 1 yr and last week she randomly started mocking a disabled person who works in a local café and said quite a few things about not understanding how they had a job. She then used a disability slur beginning with R, which shocked me so much I didn't really hear the rest of her ramble.
I have a developmentally delayed son (which she knows). my eyes started filling up with tears and I said what a horrible thing to say, and she said she didn't mean my son, she meant "other people who are worse than him, your son doesn't really class as special needs".
She left soon after and I was numb and on/off crying for the rest of the day. She messaged that evening to say she was sorry. I left it a few days and have messaged back to say I can't see her again, she's said that the words she used shouldn't reflect her as a person and that it was never a personal attack.

I don't have many friends (no particular desire to) and I quite enjoyed her company despite huge differences between us, but for me this is incomprehensible and unforgiveable. We are both in our 30s and both mothers, this isn't a generational thing.
AIBU?

She’s a twat. I couldn’t be friends with someone who mocks disabled people.

How awful, I’m sorry this person was so rude, I think you did the right thing irrespective of your son’s condition- these kind of views are completely unacceptable and this person needs to realise that.

Wouldn't be my friend, of course it does reflect on her as person. The fact you have developmentally delayed child makes it even worse.

Well done for telling her why.

Of course the words reflect her as a person! She’s an idiot and well done you for being honest with her about what she said.

She's a nasty arsehole and I wouldn't want her as a friend either. Well done for telling her. Block and move on. Rather no friends than friends like her.

Yanbu

What a horrible woman. You did the right thing.

She is absolutely despicable! You’ve done entirely the right thing, you’d never forgive yourself maintaining a relationship with such a vile person especially in light of your son’s condition. Xx

To the people who voted that the OP was being unreasonable - could you explain why?

I don’t have a child with developmental delay and I got angry reading this. What an awful human being. I wouldn’t be friends with her either.

Thanks for the reassurance. I've been called oversensitive quite a bit in my life so I do overthink my reactions to things.
I'd have broken off the friendship regardless of my son's disability status but for me it's obviously also hit deeper.
I absolutely hate confrontations and have been so anxious about this this week.

I don’t have disabled children and I would still end the friendship over that, she’s an arsehole

Nasty mean minded individual. I'd distance myself personally.

Crying all day feels like a bit much given you've only known her a year, but you've absolutely done the right thing in binning her off.

I couldn't be friends with someone like that. You did the right thing.

A grown Woman mocking a disabled person, even if she had not used a nasty term, she would swiftly be an ex-friend of mine. It is disappointing when you like someone, are getting to know them, and then they reveal not acceptable leanings.

The thing is, peoples words do reflect on who they are as a person. Mocking someone with a disability is stupid, mean and cruel. I wouldn't want to be friends with someone like that. Good for you for standing up to her.

You don't have to stay friends with people who upset you.

But spending the day on / off crying because someone used a word you don't think is appropriate does sound like you're oversensitive. That's not necessarily a bad thing though

Yeah I didn't take to my bed and sob my eyes out. I continued my working day and my eyes welled up whenever I had a quiet minute and remembered what she'd said and that pit of the stomach dread knowing I've now got to have a confrontation about it and break off a friendship.

They sound disgusting and pathetic, I wouldn't be friends with someone like that either. You did the right thing 💐

I would absolutely consider ending a friendship or any kind of relationship over this.

I am sensitive yes, I wouldn't have had such an emotional reaction to it if I didn't have a son with a delay. I'd have been able to say "oh dear she's got some horrid views, better not see her again".

No need for confrontation. She knows she us a terrible person. Just block and move on.

What a disgusting person. Consider yourself well rid.

What a dreadful, disgusting person your "friend" is. She'd have had her coffee over her head if I was in your place. Utterly disgraceful. Your life will be greatly enhanced without her in it.

And I'd be making a point of using that café more because of their positive attitude to people with disabilities. I hope you can find time to leave them a glowing review on Google or TripAdvisor for it.

Of course you are crying because she has reminded you of the prejudice your son will face. Nothing wrong with that. You aren’t over sensitive ffs you are being for ed to confront the cruelty of the world.

With that said take a deep breath and reflect in how much love you have for your child snd how resilient you are raising him to be. The world is full of helpers too. Teach yourself to look for them—to be that beacon of hope for others. Forget this horrible woman. Look to make new, better, 3 who will truly love annd support you and your little boy.