Fed up with DP going on about his mates new partner

[Cheysdiary]

As above - we met her for the first time at the weekend. When she went to the loo, my DP dramatically said to his friend HOW ON EARTH HAVE YOU MANAGED THAT and kept saying he is punching.

On the way home, he kept shaking his head and saying he doesn’t know how he has done it, and multiple references since this week including about her job being really good and how they’ll afford load of holidays etc. We are a bit stretched financially currently with young DC etc.

Last night I asked him if he was going to stop going on about her at any point and he got a bit defensive. Saying he’s happy for his mate, that he’s complimented them as a match and ‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

AIBU to find repeated comments excessive?

Oh and being a tradie is no excuse by the way!!

‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

Ewwwwww

The fact his retort was about ‘burying his tongue in her arse’ would indicate to me that he’s definitely thought about it. He sounds awful.

If this is Strike one, I’d mark it up as that. But if this is generally what he’s like I’d have to seriously think how much I wanted to stick with him. He’s been very disrespectful to both of you.

She doesn’t really sound that bothered by the fact he’s crass. She just wants him to stop openly ogling his mates girlfriend.

So, he’d speak in the same “matter of fact” (i.e. crass and disrespectful) way at a job interview or posh dinner?

No, of course he wouldn’t. Because he’s capable of controlling his own behaviour and what he says. He’s capable of appreciating context.

What he said to you was minimising, dismissive and disrespectful. He sounds immature and charmless.

However, why does it bother you that he’s impressed with his friend’s new DP? It sounds like you’re insecure and worried you’re not good enough for him. Why do you feel like that? Is it how he makes you feel?

It’s sounds to me like your DH is the one who’s ‘punching’ (awful term on so many levels) with you. Someone that disrespectful and basic would be v unappealing.

That’s even worse - a grown man isn’t that easily influenced, it’s not the job or the company, it’s who he is. He’s clearly jealous and I’d be taking the constant references to her, along with the the burying his tongue comment as a massive red flag.

I can see why you are pissed off but I don't think he has been quite as bad as some of the comments imply.

I can be quite explicit in my use of language, also - if accused of fancying someone by a partner I could easily imagine saying "it's not like I have been talking about my desire to suck them off.....", something like that. Which is only the same as what your husband said really.

I guess it depends what conversations are normally like between the two of you. Were you shocked by his language OP?

As for commenting on the woman, it's annoying, but hopefully he will get the message now and stop......

Has his friend done extremely well to get her - is she a very attractive, nice, intelligent etc woman? I am sometimes surprised by my friends' matches, male and female.

Why are so many women with men who speak to them like this?

Ugh. If he talks about women like that to you, imagine what he's like when he's talking to his mates. It sounds all too obvious what kind of a man he is, and judging by the fact he is happy to talk openly like that to you about how attractive he finds his mate's girlfriend (and his attitude that she's something his mate 'managed to get'), he clearly feels confident that you will put up with a disrespectful misogynist.

Why do you stick up for him? He's vile and disgusting.

He can be matter of fact, which he always puts down to the nature of his job (trade) and the company he is in with that
Rubbish, he chooses to talk like that.

He absolutely did say he wants to do that….. it was an indirect or a backward comment if you like. To come out with that in defence of what you asked is really disrespectful to you, maybe keep talking about your friends boyfriend/husband and see how he react’s then get defensive with a similar comment to his, his response will speak volumes

Yuck

How terrible, have a look at yourself in the mirror you are stunning and should expect the best, he isn’t giving you the best!

Maybe your OH is envious of a fresh relationship that I assume has no major commitments such as kids and tied finances. Or maybe he just can't get his head around it because he doesn't really think his mate is deserving of this woman. Is his mate punching?

Did the comment about his tongue and her arse add fuel to the fire for whatever it is you are feeling about the time your OH is spending thinking about his mate's relationship?

For me, I would only deem his comments to be excessive because I am experiencing feelings of jealousy or inferiority, otherwise I'd probably just tell OH to get over it already because I'm bored of talking about it.

FYI OP, my fiance has been on the tools since 16. He's 42 and I'm 52. I'm in employment law in financial services, so corporate and he is not.
I'm posh(private school, post codes worth of letters after my name) He's so scouse it makes me smile..... Toxteth born and bred, am Cheshire and cut glass accent.
So yes, its a match of opposites.... but its amazing and glorious.

But he's the most respectful, loving and cherishing man I could ever ask for. He'd never speak to his friends about their partner like this and vice versa Never mind to me.

In his words after showing him this ..... that lad would get a slap if he spoke to any woman like that in front of me and the lads. It's #@!! About being a traidey and everything about wanting to get a grip of his mates missus. He's jealous pure and simple. She needs to get shut of that rat. He's a pure creature.

And that's a tradie's view.....And a man's.....

100% he's jealous!

Many a true word spoken I'm jest. So disrespectful to OP !!

Exactly!

He sounds jealous and like he doesn't think much of his fri3nd. I know there is lads banter between friends but he took it too far and continues to do so. Then his reaction when you challenged him was so over the top and actually sounded like he actually does want to do the vulgar thing he mentioned. Yanbu. He needs to grow up.

Eww I tell you what I would be doing showing the man the door and kicking him out he clearly has no respect

Making a remark like this is even worse than him fancying her.

This is so beatifullly written and more so that you can feel the love and respect for each other I love fascinating stories (don't mean to be rude!) I just love complete opposites that have a story... Ok I'm waffling... My husband is the know it all as you've probably guessed from my post 😳.... But yes OP he's vile and a comment like that would have sent fireworks... And yes his job role doesn't give him rights to look at women like they're a piece of meat. Like everyone said God knows what he actually says with no filter is what's worrying. Just curious but wonder what he's like if he's drunk?! He needs to really think about what he's said and got the future how he expresses says alot about him... A genuine person would have said I'm just shocked she's fallen for him rather than explicit scenario of him&her! Goodluck he needs to know you just cannot say things like that.

Thank goodness it’s a fake