Fed up with DP going on about his mates new partner

[Cheysdiary]

As above - we met her for the first time at the weekend. When she went to the loo, my DP dramatically said to his friend HOW ON EARTH HAVE YOU MANAGED THAT and kept saying he is punching.

On the way home, he kept shaking his head and saying he doesn’t know how he has done it, and multiple references since this week including about her job being really good and how they’ll afford load of holidays etc. We are a bit stretched financially currently with young DC etc.

Last night I asked him if he was going to stop going on about her at any point and he got a bit defensive. Saying he’s happy for his mate, that he’s complimented them as a match and ‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

AIBU to find repeated comments excessive?

Ewww he's definitely thought about it, that sort of language would put me right off

"Matter of fact"?!?!??! Are you mad? Saying "putting my tongue in her arse" isn't matter of fact. It's a really crass image, and one ge definitely thought of, if not fantasised about. Such a pig. I'd be fuming.

The only way that’s ‘matter of fact’ language is if you know he’s sitting there for an hour a day picturing his head buried in her arse.
just eewww. So repulsive and so disrespectful to you.

I agree. It's your partner who is massively punching!

Lord but he is low class.
What an utterly foul turn of phrase.

lmao i LOVE you for this!!!

What a prick. I wouldn’t be letting him bury anything in any part of my anatomy aftwr that statement, gross, Id have clamped shut every orifice. Permanently.

He clearly fancies her and thinks it’s ok to feel like that. And speak like that. It’s disrespectful to you. And how can he love you if he doesn't respect you. He cant. Sorry OP.

So based on the fact he doesn’t love you, sadly I’d be looking at the relationship and deciding if it’s worth staying in. And considering how long hed remain faithful and if I’d still want to be with him if he was playing away.

Prick doesnt know what he’s losing. Probably so arrogant it’s never crossed his mind you couod go.

Get your ducks in a row and make sure you know everything financial like his pension etc before you say or do anything though. Keep your powder dry.

OP, what is your financial situation relative to his? Could this be his dickhead way of communicating that he's resentful?

He sounds like he wants his mate to fail dismally at this relationship.
He's punching , he's a gold digger

Your DP won't there to pick up the pieces if they split .

Yes, quite likely. I work PT and I know he’d like me to earn more.

I don’t think he wants it to fail. He said he thinks he will ‘finally’ propose to someone as he will be ‘quids in’

No he sounds very jealous of his mate.

It’s so embarrassing for a man to talk like this. It makes my skin crawl. Most men with any self respect want to be the main earner and would be mortified to live off their partner. He’s basically telling you if he was capable of pulling a wealthier woman he would (but let’s face it he sounds like a chav so would have no chance).

What a useless excuse he's throwing out. My partner has been on building sites for over 25 years and wouldn't dream of making a comment like that to me. Or even his ex wife, and she drives him up the wall at times.

I'm so sorry op. You must have the "ick" after an evening with him leering on about her like a big sweaty Pasty.

Yes he’s being too much. He clearly fancies her. And that last comment would’ve had me incandescent

Does he by any chance want you to 'earn more', but in a way that doesn't involve him taking over any household responsibilities or child care?

He absolutely does want to bury his tongue in her arse

Well I assume you won't be having any more kids with "D"P as your vagina will have sealed itself shut after that 🤮

he's a disrespectful arse

Sounds a bit like my ex ……. He kept saying xxx’s husband doesn’t understand her……..I still suspect he was shagging her.

Yeah, of course it would when you're married & have a couple of wee kids.

he's not some bloke she's just dating.

yes, it's not a charming turn of phrase, but clearly the way he talks is normal for the OP & she accepts/tolerates it. It's not an uncommon act/phrase amongst a younger generation

@Cheysdiary His charming phrase aside. He's being so disrespectful & horrible. I'm sorry. I'd have said something like 'You clearly do & im fed up of you drooling over her. I don't ho on about my friends high earning partners or his fit some of them are, so I'd like the sane respect thanks. IF you don't think I'm good enough for you no one's naming you stay!'

But I don't really hold my tongue when I'm pissed off 🤣🤣

Well that’s clearly what he wants to do. He sounds borderline obsessed with her tbh. I would think most men would have the sense to keep such thoughts to themselves.

Apparently it is:

‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

He sounds pretty grim in his use of language. I would suggest a bit of a taste of his own medicine be dispatched here. Next time he mentions her, say you’ve always thought his friend was quite sexy or had a certain sex appeal or something to this effect. Or make a comment about a male friend you both know being attractive etc. Do it more subtly than him but no doubt it will rile him up a bit.

Yes, this ⬆️

I would say that response is vile rather than matter of fact. I know people have different thresholds for these things but to me it’s telling that that’s his go-to way of describing a woman (even in the supposed negative), especially in the presence of his partner. How must he discuss women when you’re not there if that’s the language he uses when you are?

Also, he definitely has thought about the act he described - he just hasn’t said it. Except he has said it - but with thinly veiled deniability. He’s letting you know that he thinks about women in these terms, he thinks it’s ok, and not only does he not care if you know it, but he actively wants you to know. He’s showing you your place.