Fed up with DP going on about his mates new partner

[Cheysdiary]

As above - we met her for the first time at the weekend. When she went to the loo, my DP dramatically said to his friend HOW ON EARTH HAVE YOU MANAGED THAT and kept saying he is punching.

On the way home, he kept shaking his head and saying he doesn’t know how he has done it, and multiple references since this week including about her job being really good and how they’ll afford load of holidays etc. We are a bit stretched financially currently with young DC etc.

Last night I asked him if he was going to stop going on about her at any point and he got a bit defensive. Saying he’s happy for his mate, that he’s complimented them as a match and ‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

AIBU to find repeated comments excessive?

He has obv got a bit of instant attraction to her, which fair enough we can all appreciate a good looking man or woman, but he’s really taking it too far to the point of sounding well jell of his mate. Tradesman or not, he needs to rein it in, or tell him to FO and find his own stunner seeing as he can’t appreciate the one he already has.

So either he talks that way because his mates at work do.
Or he thinks he's 'saying it straight' in which case he's revealed that he sees women as sex objects.
Nice.

They've just started dating and he already thinks his mate is entitled to her money. She sounds less like a partner and more like a cash cow

Does he often reduce women to commodities?

He is disgusting. Doesn't matter what job he does.

Not very bright is he? Even if he thinks she’s the best thing since cheese, he’d have been far wiser to not be quite so obvious, not to mention crude, about it.
I would also bet my house that, had you said something similar about another man, he wouldn’t be happy. At all.
He doesn’t sound great, I have to say.

Grim. He absolutely does want to do the tongue thing.

Does he have any good points? Because he sounds awful.

"I don't know why you're shocked DP. You obviously don't realise as a man just how attractive he is from a woman's perspective. There's just something about him....
Never mind. At least us less attractive people have found each other!"

Saying he’s happy for his mate, that he’s complimented them as a match and ‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

Except he just did.

I couldn't live with someone like your P OP. And I suspect you deserve far better than this.

I’m not sure.

My ex-BIL has just got with someone and it sounds harsh but she’s way out of his league.

We have been going on about it like your DP because we just can’t get our heads round it.
He’s a horrible bully, not attractive, barely works, doesn’t see his kids etc and she is gorgeous, has a good job, seems like she’s got her head screwed on etc.

Yes we should keep our noses out but I think it’s ok to talk about things like this. If you can’t talk to your partner then who can you.

I think you’re feeling a bit jealous and inferior. If he was saying it about a male partner then you probably wouldn’t be so upset.

Just tell him how it’s making you feel and if he’s decent he’ll stop,

I’m not buying that for a moment. I’ve had builders and tradesmen in the house daily since July, and there’s as vast a range of personality types as you’d get anywhere. One of the scaffolders runs a wild animal rescue, I ran into the guy who delivers the appliances at an art house film, and the foreman, who is a total martinet, out of work hours is the adoring father of four daughters.

Yours sounds both crude and basic, but I don’t think he can blame it on his job.

This relationship would be OVER. I could never ever come back from that. Ever. Absolutely disgusting to actually say that to you - he has zero respect for you. Minus figures. The fact you are on here and not packing his case speaks volumes as to why you find yourself with such a specimen.

Wow!! Disrespectful or what??

Id read him the riot act, OP, for his foul expression, his total absence of discretion ( he may think stuff, but there’s no need to actually say it ) and the disrespect of the mother of his children and his partner.

And he’d be in the bloody doghouse til he apologises and improves his view of women.

Would he like his daughters to bespoken of like that?
Would he like to think his son spoke of women like that?

Id have real problems with a DP like this.

But it wasn’t just “talking” about her, was it?

It was objectifying, sexualising and generally misogynistic about her.

It was all-round unpleasant.

That’s not matter of fact though - that’s gross and disrespectful to you. Doesn’t matter what trade he works in, if he can rein in when kids are about (which I imagine he does), then he can do it for you.

ps YANBU at all!

He sounds repulsive

Totally has a boner for the mate's girlfriend, to use his vernacular. He hasn't said what he'd like to do, but I bet he's thought it.

I'd be done with such a disrespectful person. He's disrespectful to everyone in this scenario.

*‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’

So if it's anything less than that extremely graphic deceleration, you should be grateful??

Op if he keeps going on & on about her, it seems like the cogs in his little head are turning right now and he's thinking, 'If my mate can get her, imagine what I could get'.

I think he's being really offensive. My partner kept going on about how his brother was lucky that he had a much younger girlfriend. I'm older than DP and found that really nasty. I don't understand how they can't see it.

How was he doing any of those things?

He was being unfair to his mate but he didn’t say anything nasty or derogatory about the woman.

Well at least now you know what he's thinking about when he's having a wank...

They can see it. Your partner is just letting you know how lucky you are that he has decided to be with you... Hope you're grateful. 🤢🤮

YANBU

He's got himself a little crush

This. Sadly

‘it’s not like I’ve turned around and said I want to bury my tounge in her arse’.

He just did 😷

I once had a very similar experience with a disgusting ex.

When he kept waffling on how he couldn't believe his friend had pulled such a stunner and making crude remarks, I replied it’s probably because your friend has a massive cock. Ex had a tiny one so knew it would hit him where it hurts.

He went in a sulk and I dumped him.