Just started nursery, are staff being weird?

[Maria123456789]

I did lots of research before I sent my son to nursery this October. It’s a forest school so they’re meant to be getting lots of outdoor play looked lots of fun and when we went to visit he seemed to really enjoy it since he’s been a few times now he doesn’t seem upset after nursery or anything he actually seems like he’s in quite positive mood but the second time I went to pick him up a member of staff came out and the first thing she said in quite a patronising tone was how he wouldn’t sit with all the other kids while they were eating lunch and he kept getting up and as much as I took it well I didn’t wanna cause an issue but I thought to myself don’t most kids struggle with that he’s a two-year-old boy with lots of energy anyway I left that and I think the third time I went to pick him up I have another negative comment from another member of staff where she said things in a really weird way and I couldn’t quite work out if she was just being bitchy or genuinely raising a concern. she asked me and if my son had a habit of storing things in his mouth and and how he was walking around with some food in his mouth when he arrived, and I said I gave him a bit of food before nursery because he doesn’t eat much for breakfast and she made me feel like I have been told off or was being judged as a parent to my child when I had done nothing wrong. Is it just me or is something weird about this place? Is it normal for nursery staff to be a little niggly with these things? Should they really be making the parent of the child feel like they’re not doing a good job? anyway it’s my first kid. I’m not too sure what nursery experiences are supposed to be like so maybe this is how it is??

In a nursery setting - they will expect children to sit for meals, yes theyre two,but there will be developmental friendly times. Can you imagine if we let 20 2 year olds wonder around eating.

Meal times are a social time, we can also ensure we know how much they've eaten, it controls allergy/choking risks etc

They aren't being weird. You can't drop him off with food in his mouth, and they can't allow him to wander around at lunchtime. It's a choking hazard and they are telling you so you can encourage the same behaviour at home and provide consistency.

I think you might be taking things as a personal insult or slight, they are trying to get used to your son and get to know him better. and give you information about his day.

And yes you need to make sure he finishes eating before dropping him off,

The EYFS has just issued new guidelines on safer eating, children to be observed at all times when eating, and obviously no wandering around with food in their mouth as it could become a choking issue.
The nursery are just trying to uphold this.
Do you practise him sitting still at the table at home during meals?

The food in his mouth when he arrives is a choking hazard if they don’t know about it. Usually if a child arrives at Nursery eating/finishing off breakfast, their caregiver would be asked to wait with them, sitting down, until the food is finished. They are doing their job on that one.

I also think the sitting at lunch thing is similar with safety. Eating is when children are at their most vulnerable in care settings and staff need to have eyes on them throughout the meal. I’m not sure how it was said obviously, but I’d give the staff the benefit of the doubt and say they were just sharing expectations, though it is up to them to settle him in and get him used to the lunch time routine.

Nurseries have minefields of regulations and standards to meet. The staff will often seem “niggly” but that’s the reality of providing care in a group setting.

I get what you mean, I always found this kind of thing quite weird, and I just said something vague like "ok. I'm sure she'll get the hang of it" etc. On the other hand, they're just communicating with you as they've been told to do, and I've found that a lot of nursery workers are stuck in a default "talking to toddlers" voice that can sound odd when speaking to an adult! Some of the kids will have been in nursery since 11-12 months so they will be well used to the routine. Don't worry, I'm sure he'll get it!

I think they're telling you that you need to work on him sitting down to eat at home - whether that's snacks or meals. And by giving him food as he walks into nursery, you are giving him the message that it's OK to walk around eating. They want this behaviour corrected. Take it on board.

I do find it weird he is going into nursery with food in his mouth. Aside it being a choking risk where are you feeding him before nursery? And yes they will be expected to sit for meals, as someone said they can't have 20 2 year olds just wandering about.

The ‘sitting down with others to eat’ thing is pointing out a development area for him. It’s a group setting in which sitting down to eat lunch is part of the day - as it will be in future in school etc.

For some children, sitting to eat with their family for meals will always have been the norm, and their areas for development may be something that your DS already finds easy. For others, sitting to eat will not have been the norm, and so the nursery will be working with them on it. They’re letting you know what they’ll be working on with him, in case you may want to reinforce that / practice it / discuss it with him. If that doesn’t fit in with what you do at home, that’s fine - over time, he will develop that skill gently in nursery, so he is ready for his next setting when the time comes.

Did you expect forest school to. be a bit more "relaxed" op.

Cross posted with this - that’s really useful context, and their vigilance about it shows that they’re a good setting.

They sound reasonable. It’s an obvious choking hazard for a child to be walking around with anything, including food, in his mouth. Him being “a boy with lots of energy” doesn’t mean he can’t learn to sit at a table for a few minutes with his peers to eat and they’re letting you know that’s what they’ll be expecting him to learn to do.

I think I’d be mainly focused on the fact your child seems to be happy there so the staff must be doing something right.

I dont think they were trying to shame you. I'd be worried about choking at his age so food in his mouth is a concern.

Also remember these are trained staff who also observe children's patterns. Pointing out to you that he's on his own is just them keeping you in the loop on how he is getting on. I teach secondary so much older but we observe as part of our job too because if if a child does start to struggle its important we firstly keep parents in the know about it but also have records so we can best support the child and parent. Now your little boy being on his own eating isn't unusual, he's probably finding his feet , but he does need to sit down like the others and its good that they are telling you this. Imagine if you found out months later.

Food in mouth- chance of choking.
Child walking around at mealtimes- chance of choking.
The EYFS states that carers/ staff etc have to physically sit in front of children, face on, whilst they are eating duexto choking.
They can't do that if he's walking around.
It's for husband own safety.

They sound on the ball and communicative

You sound sensitive and see shadows where there probably are none

Thank you everyone, have found this reassuring.
with the eating, he was weighing on the lower end 3rd percentile and went through a phase of looking really skinny. Since he wasn’t taking enough at mealtimes pin a sitting we started trying to feed him snacks more frequently and make sure to feed him what he hadn’t finished for his lunch thoroughout the day bit by bit. Unfortunately this habit seems to have stuck to him. We will keep working on it at home. Also agree that the staff probably unintentionally adopt the style of talking to toddlers since they’re with them all day.

any good tips for getting him to stay at the table at home?

Echoing what everyone else has said. Feed him before you leave the house. Practice sitting down at mealtimes.
My youngest likes to wander around when eating and whilst I don’t mind at home, she has always sat down ah nursery/school as that’s the expectation.
They sound really on the ball with following the guideline, you should be grateful you’ve found such a safe environment for him.

I understand why they mentioned the food being stored in his mouth, as its a choking hazard and needs to sit down and finish it. Perhaps give him things he can't store like yoghurt?

If you are letting him graze then get him to sit or stand while he eats, so he learns he just doesn't get snacks randomly iyswim,

You can’t drop him off with food in his mouth as others have said. It’s a choking hazard, and the staff can’t know what it is. Finish feeding him before you drop off.

Re sitting at the table. Yes, lots of kids with struggle with it, but the staff have to work with parents to get them to start sitting during meals. In a nursery setting, they can’t have lots of kids getting up and wandering around or it would be chaos, neither can they treat one as special and let them wander about.

The one thing I judged is where you said “he’s a two year old boy”- you might not have meant this but it’s no easier for two year old girls to sit and behave than it is for boys! They just tend to get cut a lot less slack.

Also if he doesn't finish his breakfast before he goes it is fine just get him ready for nursery and go he will have a snack there,

Children are very good at regulating what they eat and how full they are. My son is on the lower end percentile wise and some days seems to solely survive on fresh air.

But unless you've been advised by a medical professional, continually just give him snacks throughout the day and then making him eat his lunch bit by bit throughout the day is counterproductive. He isn't going to be able to regulate his own hunger and fullness levels plus he's never going to finish a meal or sit at a table if he knows he's just going to get snacks throughout the day.

Stick with 3 meals and 2 snacks a day. If he doesn't eat his meal fine, but don't sit and offer it to him throughout the day. He isn't going to starve.

No they’re safeguarding him from choking. Finish feeding him before you drop him off, he doesnt need to eat snacks continuously through the day all the time. Get in the habit of 3 meals & 2 snacks.

Agree with this , constantly grazing isn't going to help him i get it though we just want then to eat.