Just started nursery, are staff being weird?

[Maria123456789]

I did lots of research before I sent my son to nursery this October. It’s a forest school so they’re meant to be getting lots of outdoor play looked lots of fun and when we went to visit he seemed to really enjoy it since he’s been a few times now he doesn’t seem upset after nursery or anything he actually seems like he’s in quite positive mood but the second time I went to pick him up a member of staff came out and the first thing she said in quite a patronising tone was how he wouldn’t sit with all the other kids while they were eating lunch and he kept getting up and as much as I took it well I didn’t wanna cause an issue but I thought to myself don’t most kids struggle with that he’s a two-year-old boy with lots of energy anyway I left that and I think the third time I went to pick him up I have another negative comment from another member of staff where she said things in a really weird way and I couldn’t quite work out if she was just being bitchy or genuinely raising a concern. she asked me and if my son had a habit of storing things in his mouth and and how he was walking around with some food in his mouth when he arrived, and I said I gave him a bit of food before nursery because he doesn’t eat much for breakfast and she made me feel like I have been told off or was being judged as a parent to my child when I had done nothing wrong. Is it just me or is something weird about this place? Is it normal for nursery staff to be a little niggly with these things? Should they really be making the parent of the child feel like they’re not doing a good job? anyway it’s my first kid. I’m not too sure what nursery experiences are supposed to be like so maybe this is how it is??

It's an unusual take to think staff at a nursery might be ' deliberately bitchy' about your child. It is hard when our children go into the world and we can feel judged.

Honestly those people that see this thread as an opportunity to highlight me as a bad parent are disgusting. Go sort yourselves out you shouldn’t be on this platform.

At least mine don't wander about with food in their mouths and I don't expect a round of applause and to be told I'm 'doing a good job' because of it.
Nursery would be doing you a disservice to condone that sort of thing. You would be the first to complain if your child choked because he is not following safe eating practices while they also have other kids to supervise.

Well, bear in mind I got flamed by some for this (but supported by others), but this did work for us:

• family mealtimes - got him involved in setting the table, bringing the water cups, cutlery etc - making an occasion of it with cutlery etc
• when he wanted to get up at home, he was allowed to, but that was it, dinner finished, and we would stay there eating and wouldn't come to play with him
• sat with his toddler friends on benches to eat in the park
• restaurants - gamed it so that he was suitably knackered after a long play out. Go to somewhere with quick service, order at table rapidly using a QR code, then take him to walk to the loos, to choose a toy from the toy area, basically bide our time to get him to the table for a juice box to keep him busy til the food arrived. He'd still be antsy, but we kept at it, and would take him for a toilet trip in the middle. So he got to move around, but with a purpose to it.

It took a couple of months to crack it, but like I say, he sits for about 40m now at mealtimes.

You should care more about being a nicer person, that would do much better for your kids

This is brilliant. Thank you, most helpful comment on this thread

Fair enough that they want him to follow the nursery rules but weird that they're complaining to you about it on day two. He's two and in a new situation, he doesn't know what the rules are yet! It's their job (that they're being paid for) to take the time to teach him.

Plenty of adults, having spent the morning with a load of strangers, might prefer not to sit down with them for lunch. How much more so for a toddler with limited social experience - especially when the strangers in question are also toddlers and thus chaotic and unpredictable. They need to give him a chance to settle into things, for goodness' sake!

I should have added - you may not want to change what you are doing at home, and that is absolutely a choice for you. Emphasise to him that nursery’s rules are that he has to sit down to eat, because there are lots of children to keep safe but do not take their comments to you as ‘a personal criticism’, just as ‘something they do differently, for good reasons’.

Think about your roadmap to ‘school readiness’, when only eating at set times and sitting down for all of lunch is critical’, and balance home and nursery in moving along this map.

I started off feeling sympathetic to you, but seriously, calm down.

Yes, it's a choking risk, and it causes increased mess in any indoor setting, because crumbs get spread everywhere, and toys get touched with messy hands.

I know it's not easy to get small and medium sized children to sit down while eating, because I've been there, done that. But it's absolutely bonkers to be defensively attempting to castigate other people because they... recognised and identified choking risks without being told.

Yes, I actually agree here that I might be feeling extra cautious with sending him to a new environment and I’m on high alert. This thread has (sort of) done a good job at getting me to reality and that it’s not them being bitchy I just need to make more or an effort at home with sitting down for mealtimes. Hopefully he adjusts soon

Agree with most that the nursery is correct to have concerns and to raise them. I think it's great that they're being proactive.

My son is BUSY and what worked surprisingly well was reading him a book at mealtimes while he got used to sitting still. And focussing on food that wasn't too faffy to eat so he'd get through most before getting restless. He's still very fidgety now at 9 but of course we can all have a chat at mealtimes (and still aim to keep it pretty short!)

Hello, re table habits: dd age 15 was very active and has a tiny tummy so she stays skinny and likes to snack not pig out at mealtime.

I taught her to ask “can I go now please?” at end of a meal - she still asks aged 15 lol

So then I look at the plate “oh you’ve eaten all your peas, well done! Did you want some more before you finish?” Or I might say, “oh you haven’t eaten much fish. It’s very tasty shall I hep you have a few more mouthfuls?”

Once I checked dc has eaten “enough” I say “yes you are all done now and you can go and wash your hands and play.”

As they get older you can say “can you wait at the table a bit longer, there is some fruit for pudding when the rest of us has finished. why don’t you sing me Humpty Dumpty/play ISpy while you wait?”

It takes a while to get the habits ingrained but eventually sets an expectation that mum or dad decides when dinner is over, not dc. All children can learn to do this - they learn not to run across roads, they learn to take turns at the park. It’s just conditioning. Be patient and you’ll crack it.

All of this

He will, you said he is happy and cheery when you collect him.he isnt reluctant to go in so he is confident and that is a good thing, he is just out of your sight and that is hard for you which is natural.

Neither the nursery staff or posters here are being rude or weird in pointing out that you are putting your child (and other children) in potential danger by letting them run around with food in their mouth. No need to react rudely to that feedback, and in fact I’m guessing the nursery staff were struggling in how to convey that to you as it’s a bit 101.

I think you are reading to much. They take care of the kids for a lot of hours they ask questions to the parents because they know the kids better.

Why would a nursery worker just be 'being bitchy'. They are busy professionals that have a huge responsibility to keep kids safe. Do you know what happens to nursery staff and the manager when a kid dies under their care eg from choking on something. Not only are they shutdown but managers face potential prison time. As someone who has been through this with 4 teenage boys, when teachers/nursery staff raise things like this they are subtlety critisicing how you are doing things and, as they have been through it with hundreds of new first time parents, they are generally right eg the dropping him off with food in his mouth amd letting himr run around with food in his mouth things, which are a huge choking risk in a nursery, especially at drop off time when they might be too busy receiving kids to notice.

The best advice I wish someone had given me first time round is dont take things personally and accept advice from non emotionally involved professionals.

So in your opinion everyone who challenges you or corrects you is 'a bitch' or 'not a nice person'. Are you very young? You seem very defensive and not open to criticism. You have years ahead of you working with people and you will need to learn that you don't always know best.
If you are a 'good parent' then surely you will know that they have a point that walking about eating is not good practice.
Very few posters have used the term 'bad parent' to describe you'. There is a difference between being a 'bad parent' and 'not parenting well'. You are probably a good parent with good intentions but you are getting things wrong right now and with some guidance (like the nursery) people with more experience can help you correct things.

Or you can just do you and your child can be at risk. your choice ehh

My only issue is when people started calling me a bad parent for it. No one should be saying that to anyone on a platform like this. I said in many of my posts that I agree it was bad. I don’t need someone being nasty calling me a bad parent

Like I say, I had a hard time on here about a similar issue - including one woman who gave me a blasting before saying that her one experience of managing a similar issue was a child fussing for half an hour once then eating impeccably after that!

Every child will have their "thing" that they pick up effortlessly and their "thing" that you really have to work on. Some find it easy to praise their excellent parenting when their child gets something easily!

Yes. 2.

Respectfully, have you never used social media before? People take joy in being harsh, because they're behind a screen.

Also, be grateful you don't work with me. Because my years of parenting mean I have been far harsher on clueless new work colleagues who needed choking risk spelt out to them than anyone has been to you. 🤣

And compared to my manager on the same topic, I am gentle. No-one wants to watch someone choke to death. Apparently it is immensely traumatic to witness it.

No one has actually said you’re a bad parent - they have said you have been pulled up on things that need correcting. You are taking the nursery’s feedback and these comments the wrong way.

I went absolutely mental trying to get my daughter to sit for a meal when she was a toddler. I felt so judged by others. Often had to have one parent running around with her outside whilst other parent sat and ate then swapped over.

Now I just wish I hadn't worried about it so much as - guess what - she got older she sat for longer and longer periods.

Now at 6 she still has the occasional "I don't want to sit down / go out for a meal" moment but most of the time she is completely fine.

She is just very active and also does not really enjoy eating! (Opposite of me!)

OP, don't listen to negative comments, these people have no idea how it is to have a child who is a fussy eater and underweight.
I've had smilar problems with my 2 kids, but I suspect their weight is just genetics. I was constantly worried that they're not gaining weight and what will people say and how they will judge me. I'm also from another culture, so my parenting with my youngest was judged a lot, esp. in nursery. But in this case here they seem to be concerned with a chocking hazard and many kids have died in nurseries because of it over the years. So yes, he should not be walking with food in his mouth, only sitting for meals.