Just started nursery, are staff being weird?

[Maria123456789]

I did lots of research before I sent my son to nursery this October. It’s a forest school so they’re meant to be getting lots of outdoor play looked lots of fun and when we went to visit he seemed to really enjoy it since he’s been a few times now he doesn’t seem upset after nursery or anything he actually seems like he’s in quite positive mood but the second time I went to pick him up a member of staff came out and the first thing she said in quite a patronising tone was how he wouldn’t sit with all the other kids while they were eating lunch and he kept getting up and as much as I took it well I didn’t wanna cause an issue but I thought to myself don’t most kids struggle with that he’s a two-year-old boy with lots of energy anyway I left that and I think the third time I went to pick him up I have another negative comment from another member of staff where she said things in a really weird way and I couldn’t quite work out if she was just being bitchy or genuinely raising a concern. she asked me and if my son had a habit of storing things in his mouth and and how he was walking around with some food in his mouth when he arrived, and I said I gave him a bit of food before nursery because he doesn’t eat much for breakfast and she made me feel like I have been told off or was being judged as a parent to my child when I had done nothing wrong. Is it just me or is something weird about this place? Is it normal for nursery staff to be a little niggly with these things? Should they really be making the parent of the child feel like they’re not doing a good job? anyway it’s my first kid. I’m not too sure what nursery experiences are supposed to be like so maybe this is how it is??

We had this, DC2's nursery raised concerns about him holding food in his mouth for long periods of time. It's a choking hazard if they wander around with a mouth full of food and especially if they fall asleep like that.

Some people say it can be a sign of ASD as well (google 'pocketing food') so the nursery staff may be just covering themselves against being accused of not telling you, in case other flags appear down the line.

I knew a child who died after choking to death eating his snack at an out of school club, he was 6. The nursery staff are in the right here.

Obviously I'm in the minority but usually you don't really have to train them to do a thing at home for them to do it at nursery. Peer pressure is a powerful motivator for most children.

DD never slept in a cot at home, not once. At nursery, they put her in a cot and she napped.

She still now (at age 5) frequently gets up during mealtimes, although we use a range of strategies to try and get her to stay in her seat.

At nursery, she was sitting nicely with her friends from age 18 months.

It sounds like, for whatever reason, your child maybe isn't picking up as strongly on those social cues and not feeling a need to copy his friends, so you will have to do something at home. They could have worded it more nicely but they are letting you know that he's not responding in the way other children do to the nursery setting and needs extra support from you to get there.

Don't know why people are being so mean saying he should know to sit down he's 2!!
I work with 2-3s some of whom sit beautifully and some of them just have too much energy and want to explore, because they are 2 that is perfectly normally developmentally for them to have difficulty sitting for a long time and to follow what they want to do -explore!
It's our jobs to teach them that it's important because of choking risks and we constantly sit them back down at nursery but that doesn't mean it's not completely normal for them to get up multiple times - our job to remind them to be safe.

What research are you referring to,,, source?

This was true for my son (the aforementioned bad sitter), but he did start at 1, not 2. Nursery staff had a good old laugh when I joined him for lunch one day and I was outraged at how easy he was for them.

Starting at 2 when they're more independently minded might be more tricky.

Stop giving him snacks. Set a routine where he eats at table.

Echoing on from what others are saying your little boy shouldn’t be going into nursery with a mournful of food. If he is storing food I’d consider reaching out to your HV for advice. Agree with the yogurt idea. Or smoothie?

We had this problem with our DS wanting to get up from his toddler table and walk about with food. I’m guessing due to low centile you’ve maybe allowed this and it’s become a bit of a habit which is why he is doing it at nursery?

If my DS is eating and gets up from his table we will tell him he must sit on his chair whilst eating as it’s dangerous, if he doesn’t then we will physically pick him up and put him on his chair. If he does it again we take away his plate and tell him it is too dangerous for him to walk around and eat so he can have his food when he is ready to sit down. Took about a week or two but he is so much better, sits down fine at nursery for lunch now.

Just tell them he sits fine for you at hime and your sure he will get used to sitting in the new environment

Then work on it at home

You are caring for one child, a nursery has responsibility for far more children, even with the best ratios. A new parent will tend to take the slightest bit of advice as criticism and it's really not. I remember my now 46 year old 'squirrelling' after almost every meal, we had to check her mouth and either remove the mush or make sure she swallowed it properly!
If you child had a choking experience at home, that would be seen as an unfortunate accident, were it to happen at nursery it would be considered neglect and ruin someone's career and or business, that's why they are asking you to try and change his habits.

My DD has been sitting at the table to eat since she was a year old, we just ate all together, we let her get down when she was finished back then but now that she’s 3 she will sit with us all till we are all finished and we sit and chat, family meal times will definitely help, maybe start with small snacks at the table and work up? Maybe give him some colouring to do too, that way it keeps him up a bit longer.

Well, you're the one routinely exposing your child to choking hazards by letting a two year old walk around with food in his mouth. Go sort yourself out and do better.

I have no problem with children being encouraged to sit during meals for safety reasons in nursery.

I do have a problem with staff implying that you should do this, or indeed anything else, at home. They are two very different situations and what you do at home is down to you.

On the basis of the OP’s responses, I don’t think the nursery will put up a fight if you decide to leave OP

.... or indeed people on mumsnet telling you what you should do with your child in your home! ......

Many parents will ask the nursery to replicate what’s at home

I don't think nursery staff do this, they just have an expectation of how things work in their environment.

Ask them for their tips, after all they are the experts 😉

He’s still getting used to this new environment, he will see the others sitting down for the whole meal and learn, it takes time! Gosh mine is much older and still won’t sit still for long… I’m glad I haven’t made a huge issue of it at mealtimes. At home he sits for as long as he can. I don’t punish him or take all the food away or make that the end of meal time. I explain why it would be nice to come back to the table! I explain that we like to ask each other how our day has been. We listen as a family and ask questions etc etc.

Some kids get it quicker than others. Honestly, he will do it at nursery eventually and then they’ll be on at you about something else (not listening, not sitting still, not turn taking, the list is endless).

Sit there with him. Talk to him, eat with him. Don’t expect him to sit for ages, but no food should be given out later. He needs to learn that he eats at the table. Once he’s got that for three mealtimes a day, then you can let it slip a bit with snacks, but I trained mine from 6 months to sit and eat, first on my lap, then in a high chair. I’m old school - mine asked to
leave the table after thanking whoever had cooked for their meal.

I remember seeing both of mine at nursery eating with staff sitting in front of them keeping an eye on/helping 2 or 3 children. No children were wandering around. It sounds like your nursery is doing similar. You need to tackle this at home - it will help you in the long run. You won’t then have a four year old running round a restaurant if they’re fine sitting at the table with a sticker book etc.

I’m a childminder, and all my children youngest being 14 months sit at the table to eat we discuss what our favourite food is and what they’ve enjoyed most about the morning. It’s not acceptable for a child to be walking round and getting up during meal times. With the new guidance that’s come in with the EYFS if he fell over I would have to leave the other children whilst eating to check him and that goes against said new guidance.
maybe you could practice at home getting him to sit at a table with the rest of the family to eat it will only take a couple of re sitting him down before he understands and becomes a routine.

This - OFSTED will come down on any nursery that doesn't adhere to these rules and as it has to be natural for the children to sit whilst eating it needs to be reinforced every day at nursery. Regarding the cramming, they are asking in order to make a very sensible risk assessment of your child whilst at the setting. Please do not take anything they are saying personally, they are trying to help you and your child.
In fact, it would be really helpful if you could back up and enforce these rules at home too in order to keep your child safe wherever they are.

I cant believe some of these comments. Hes just started and quite frankly if he dont sit down straight away thats to be expected. Ive worked in nurseries for years. If he was still eating so what.. you were trying to give him something. Ive recently experienced a similar thing and go with ur gut feeling. Move him now. The staff at the new nursery mine are at are so laid back. I would be the same where i worked. So calm. Caring and polite they go out of their way to ensure were all happy and if we wasnt they would change it. Some people!
Your his mother and your instint is right believe me! Some these nurserys are awful

I worked in nurseries for several years and all the kids from age 2 would sit for meals and stay seated for the whole time, it was unusual for kids to repeatedly get up from the table during a meal time so that's probably why they've mentioned it to you.

They might be worrying about allergies if all food is meant to be prepared onsite and you’re not supposed to take any in with you.

It’s a bit of an adjustment if it’s the first time you’re dealing with childcare professionals because it’s your first encounter with people who are viewing your child’s personality and development objectively.

It is, but if your child then disrupts every other child's experience of nursery, then don't be surprised if you are asked to remove them.