Just started nursery, are staff being weird?

[Maria123456789]

I did lots of research before I sent my son to nursery this October. It’s a forest school so they’re meant to be getting lots of outdoor play looked lots of fun and when we went to visit he seemed to really enjoy it since he’s been a few times now he doesn’t seem upset after nursery or anything he actually seems like he’s in quite positive mood but the second time I went to pick him up a member of staff came out and the first thing she said in quite a patronising tone was how he wouldn’t sit with all the other kids while they were eating lunch and he kept getting up and as much as I took it well I didn’t wanna cause an issue but I thought to myself don’t most kids struggle with that he’s a two-year-old boy with lots of energy anyway I left that and I think the third time I went to pick him up I have another negative comment from another member of staff where she said things in a really weird way and I couldn’t quite work out if she was just being bitchy or genuinely raising a concern. she asked me and if my son had a habit of storing things in his mouth and and how he was walking around with some food in his mouth when he arrived, and I said I gave him a bit of food before nursery because he doesn’t eat much for breakfast and she made me feel like I have been told off or was being judged as a parent to my child when I had done nothing wrong. Is it just me or is something weird about this place? Is it normal for nursery staff to be a little niggly with these things? Should they really be making the parent of the child feel like they’re not doing a good job? anyway it’s my first kid. I’m not too sure what nursery experiences are supposed to be like so maybe this is how it is??

@HoppingPavlovaoh yeah definitely I agree with that side in that I wouldn’t , and haven’t, ever given my children food walking into school. I think if the child has some sort of issue with eating at home and the op is concerned with his eating and that him only being able to eat as she’s walking him into nursery, that would need to be a conversation she had with them prior to doing it, and if they weren’t to allow it due to safeguarding reasons and the fact op hasn’t mentioned it’s a more complex need then she would have to respect that’s the nursery’s policy and put in place other ways to manage her child’s food intake. I think for op to go straight to them being bitchy isn’t right, but at the same time I was coming from a place where I had people always getting annoyed with my child for not doing something that others could do so easily and often myself heard the same rhetoric of ‘ just try and sit down at home with them’ etc, which we did with all our children just didn’t work with my youngest. But I can appreciate that I’m maybe influenced by my own experience and that there is probably a better way all round for this to be dealt with , and that op could probably do with just sitting down and chatting with staff , otherwise it will grow into a huge issue and she will end up either being asked to leave or just removing the child herself .

This is a good response.

If you read the EYFS Foundation Stage guidance for group settings, it will give you some idea of just some of the rules and regulations they have to follow.

OFSTED are going to be really hot on Safer Eating and Absence Procedures right now so, naturally, the nursery have to be really clear with parents regarding the rules.

I don't think you're a bad parent and it is horrid having to leave your precious little one elsewhere while you work etc.

I used to have little toys on hand when my kids were that age and we ate out. Things like a few sticklebricks, touch and feel books, crayons and a colouring book, stickers etc. Just to keep them quiet and to stop them getting bored while we were waiting or if they finished before us. Plus lots of talk at the table to keep their attention.

That said, my kids have never been the type of kids with boundless energy to burn, so I imagine that it can't be easy for you. Good luck!

People wil just be a bit tetchy, there were huge news guidelines about food in eyfs recently. Many have taken these as laws and are implementing really strict rules.

No, it's not weird. It's more weird when parents appear disinterested and give vaguelyly dismissive answers such as "Ok, I'm sure she'll get the hang of it." If a nursery takes the time to raise something with you, it's an issue. It could a minor issue or it could be a major issue, but they are ones spending all day with your child and know if their behaviour is not the same as their peers. It would be expected that you would try to work with the nursery's suggestions.

"Ok, what can I do to encourage him to X/Y/Z?/ Can you suggest some strategies we could work on at home?" is an indication of a more engaged parent and one who is willing to work WITH the nursery to help their child's behaviour and development.

Well yes because guidelines in the statutory guidance doesn't mean 'Here's a suggestion....'. It means 'You better have a very good reason why you arent doing this.'

And frankly there is no good reason why children should not be closely monitored when eating.

Maybe parents should read Oliver Steeper's story if they want to know why DfE are so hot on this.

You can also expect tighter rules on packed lunches, absences and birthday treats!

I didn't say it wasn't i was explaining why staff may be a bit more anxious around food at the moment.

Oh go away, troll.

Well thank you for your passive aggressiveness but I can assure you I am a very interested and engaged parent. I've had three kids through nursery and while I completely appreciate their communication, there's no way I'd be asking for strategies to work on at home because my two year old wouldn't sit down during their second ever session at nursery. If it were still an issue after a couple of months then maybe, but until then, "I'm sure they'll get the hang of it" is a perfectly reasonable response (and also, in the vast majority of cases, true).

I hope you're nowhere near any child learning to write, at any age!

You just have to be firm and insist. If he won't sit to eat it, the food is taken away. When he says he's hungry, you tell him to sit at the table then, we don't eat food wandering around. Getting up means you've finished. Mine all have to ask to leave the table, mealtimes would be carnage otherwise.

If necessary, strap him into a highchair 'until he can sit like a big boy and eat.'

This should have been made a habit right from when you started weaning him. Its a lot harder to unteach a behaviour than it is to teach it.

They all have lots of energy, believe me, I know, I have 4 of them but sitting at a table to eat is a very basic life skill and like others have said: a child up and down with food in their mouth is a big choking risk.

I’ve not went through 7 pages of this but I find the sitting down for lunchtime strange.

My littles ones nursery have never had a problem with her eating, going to play, coming back and eating and going to play. They joke she’s a grazer and likes to eat a bit and come back to it. Yeah they do encourage her to sit but they embrace she just doesn’t like sitting for long and let her do her thing?l. I don’t think choking has ever been mentioned to me.

A lot of these comments are harsh. It’s the way they say it which is important and it may be they are a bit negative generally. If he is safe and happy Id
focus on that but also trusr your gut.

My son now attends school, but we had this with his nursery from age 2 upwards. They were asking me if he sat still at home. He had sat in a highchair on a chair. He was 2 he didn’t sit still!

After a few months, I just ignored it and smiled.

And in the end, I used to send my husband to do the evening pick ups cause I was absolutely sick of it. There was nothing I could do, but they try and make me feel bad because two-year-old wasn’t perfect.

You must try and get him to eat at a table or at least sitting down. Tell him if he wants something to eat he must sit down. Say what you mean and mean what you say, so stick to it.

But they have to get used to it ffs

Judging by this thread this is clearly an emotive subject!

OP, the nursery are following the early year’s guidelines and not doing anything wrong as far as I’m concerned. It’s a safety thing and you’ll need to practice at home to help your son transition smoothly to a more structured environment.

Since starting nursery interestingly we found it harder to have her eat in her high chair when previously there were very few issues. It became a bit apparent that she felt separate to the table where we were eating even if all eating together - I expect because at nursery she eats at the little chairs with all the other kids at the same height etc. We started using one of those travel high chairs that strap to your dining chairs but without the tray attached so she is literally level at the table with us and shes much more interested in staying there.

I know this is different to your issue, but it might be worth trying to do this rather than his high chair so its more modeled on the setting at nursery. Might be easier for him to pick up?

I think there have been some really unhelpful comments on here. You’re doing your best you’re a first time Mum as I am and it’s hard. I really found the the first months at nursery difficult and to be honest sometimes the tone of the staff can be arsey and patronising even if the info is helpful. I have found Mr Chazz’s info quite helpful on tantrums boundaries etc, my kid had also just started wandering with food. Solid starts have some good articles on it. I hope you’re ok and that it gets better. The relationship with nursery will grow over time, feedback to them how much your child seems to be enjoying it and ask for tips and hints for things that work. Over time it will hopefully feel more collaborative, like all relationships it takes time, best of luck

some nursery staff are, like in any other workplace so she may be right even if the information they gave was on point. Some staff are great others are arsey the tone might have been patronising

Health and safety they need to sit still to eat and staff have to supervised to ensure they dont choke. So not being weird just following H&S guidelines which you should also implement at home.
stiring food in their mouths is really dangerous and children have died from choking so again their concerns are valid. Have a look at guidance for safe eating so you are doing the best you can for your child.