Neighbours request

[isitmytime]

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

It’s these ones. There’s definitely a knack to pinching and rolling then putting them in. You kind of have to wiggle your ear to help them go in far enough.
EDIT: not sure why the photo is under review possibly the shape of the earplugs 😂

I would start getting louder , add slamming doors to your routine from today

Ignore, it annoys me that people living a 9-5 style life expect others to limit noise, but you can guarantee after you’ve done a night shift someone will be cutting grass or have loud music on and not think twice. Live your life, use your own hairdryer in your own house and ignore others.

I wouldn’t use the wash machine or dryer after 8? 9 pm if I knew what my neighbour could hear if.

but apart from that: neighbour is badshit and op is not being u at all.

@isitmytime It's definitely EARplugs, right? 😆

@Francesteinoh that will be the mistake I made 😂😂 no only kidding it’s definitely earplugs

Or just respond with something vague that's aligned with what you already do such as "sure, I always try to be as considerate as possible when coming home late so will take that on board"

I had this. I lived in an upstairs flat worked full time and was often out in the evenings. One morning there was a hammering at the door and the woman below stood there and started shouting at me. Apparently I was so noisy...she wanted to complain to my landlord. I went into passive slightly patronizing mode and asked her what she suggested I do. I needed to work so I had to get out of bed at some stage! At this she kept complaining about me flushing the loo, and having a shower. I again replied that yes thats what I had to do in order to get ready for work. She ended up shouting abuse at me and storming off! What annoyed me was as a single woman living alone I was an easy target..theres no way she'd have yelled at a man. They were awful neighbors, and eventually left I often wonder where they ended up. The building is incredibly quiet and I doubt they'd have found anything better

I can hear my neighbours walking up and down the stairs! 1930s semi.

Thank you OP, I'll give these earplugs a go

It's possible she's feeling a bit shunned if you were in daily contact with her for a while and them have dialled it back a bit. If that's the case, any attention is a good thing to her, even if it means she exaggerates things you're supposed to be doing that are bothering her.

I had something similar with a neighbour. I started trying to avoid going in the garden at the same time as her as she was always complaining about the other neighbours and I was finding it intrusive and draining. On the odd occasion she managed to catch me, she started angrily accusing me of being noisy at times when noone was home. I explained this to her and asked for her to knock at my door next time she hears the sound, so we can try to work out what's causing it. She quickly backtracked and said it doesn't matter.

The best earplugs are the Noisex ones. They are like silicone and fit into the shape of your ear. I used to use them after night shifts ( nurse).

No you are not being unreasonable. I have Misophonia so all those noises get to me but I wouldn't dream of asking you to not flush your toilet etc. I am also in an end terrace but the house next door is divided into flats so next doors living room is next to my bedroom. This was less of an issue when it was my previous neighbour as although he had a “smokers cough” that did disturb me sometimes he would eventually go to bed and so was manageable. The new neighbours have a dog they they are struggling with so shout at it a lot (poor thing) sometimes argue and always have music on quite loud so if I have gone for a lie down/some peace in the day(I have MS) it always seems to be that exact moment that the music comes on 😂 I can even hear the convo on tv shows or the Spotify person talking. The only time I have ever complained is when they had friends round with loud music til the early hours and I got up and banged on the wall and they did turn it off straight after. Some days it gets to me and I will choose to just go out as that’s my issue that I am sensitive to noise and not for them to creep around. I think they may not have even noticed they are so loud tbh as I am quiet person myself and don’t have a TV in my room to return the favour 😂

Id text her

dear mrs neighbour

thinking about what you said the other day about noise and realise that I don't hear anything when sleeping through the day as I use these ear plugs - Ive popped a link - so perhaps they might be useful if you're also hearing lots of noise from neighbours, just thought it might be a solution for you. Ive found they work a treat as I don't hear a thing with them in.

is it passive aggressive, not sure but might make her realise that playing her music full volume and getting the kids to scream might be fruitless

Side note - what earplugs do you use please as it sounds like I need a set of these really good ones!

Correct.
Just ignore her.

Before I moved I had a pair of neighbours like this. Their bedroom was under my living room and the floor between us was timber, which they made creak more by heating their room like a sauna. Half my age, went to bed early. I went up at 10.30 pm. The other neighbour on top of them had a laminate floor, but also biker and goth visitors, never complained about her. I wrote the following, to the tune of Tom Lehrer's Vatican Rag.

First you bang upon her floor,
Then you block her garage door,
There's no need to hesitate,
Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate.

Take whatever steps you want for
She's no defence and furthermore
Nobody will shop yer, there's no law will stop yer
Doing the harassers' rag

Send her letters multifolded,
Misspelled, underlined and bolded,
Make her feel she's being scolded,
And you've got her strangleholded.
Do all that you can to grieve her
She's old and single, who'll believe her
Two, four, six, eight,
Make her home depreciate.

Disconnect her water main,
Drive straight at her, then again,
Say "I never saw you, mate,"
Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate.

When your neighbour's broken hearted
You'll be so glad that you started
Nobody will shop yer, there's no law will stop yer
Doing the harassers' rag.

Claim she's falling through the floor,
Say "That's just a metaphor",
Don't stick to facts, but overstate,
Intimidate, intimidate, intimidate.

When you've shattered the old witch
Boast you've sorted out the bitch
When you've done it fully
It's great to be a bully
Getting her traumatic you'll
Be feeling so fanatical
Doing the harasser's rag.

The floor banging was long after I'd gone to bed on the floor above - I was in a two floor maisonette. The clever touch was banging on the underside of the lower stairs in their bedroom cupboard so it sounded as is someone was coming up the stairs. I haven't invented anything above,
I think their chief objection was to my breathing.

Are you in a flat or a house? I wouldn’t do any more than you’re doing. It sounds like a control thing gone wrong.

I do have some sympathy for your neighbour if she is not able to sleep at night. Sleep deprivation is awful. However it sounds like she and her family are making plenty of noise themselves.
Do you have a power shower ? They can be noisier than showers that use mains pressure. And is your washing machine particularly noisy? Sometimes if the legs are not properly adjusted the machine can rock on the spin cycle and be noisy. I had to replace my elderly washing machine recently and bought a new super quiet one. It wasn't particularly expensive either. I moved house a few months ago and my new neighbour told me that the previous owner of my house had a noisy washing machine. I asked him if he could hear mine and he said no.

My new house has an extractor in the bathroom that runs on excessively long after it has been switched on and the other neighbours had commented on it having been on a lot when the previous owner was here. I read that you can alter the timing, so i am going to get someone in to change it. In the meantime i open the bathroom window instead. You can alter it yourself but i don't want to mess about with something that is connected to the electrics. These are easy things to fix and be accommodating to your neighbours.

Also, do you slam your front door or pull it gently to? I once had a neighbour down the street who slammed her door so loudly you could hear it several houses away. The lock was probably seized up and could have been lubricated to help it to close more easily.

And because of this i felt able to mention to my new neighbour that her dog had been barking non-stop for hours when left alone in the house. She brought in a dog trainer and i rarely hear it bark now. I don't mind the odd bark, because i have a piano which i am sure they can hear, so that's fair enough.

It's all about being considerate. I am really surprised by all the posters saying, ' tell her to f* off etc'. That will achieve nothing.
As other posters have said, some european countries (I think Germany is one) have rules about excessive noise at unsocial hours. Noise disturbance can really negatively affect quality of life.

My advice, for what it's worth, would be to look at any noises you can remediate and text your neighbour to let her know you are taking her concerns seriously and what you can do about it. Some you won't be able to change, maybe due to the layout of that building, water pipes etc. But falling out with neighbours is something to be avoided. If you own your place, any neighbour disputes have to be declared when you come to sell and could affect your ability to sell.
Good luck. I hope you manage to resolve the situation.

She sounds nuts and very bitter if she asked her child to make a noise. She is probably upset that you are in constant contact with her any longer. I would just keep things breezy with her but don’t encourage any deeper contact. She sounds like she could turn

I also think that you rebuffing her initial attention (even gently) has been a factor in how she is behaving now.

My unruly kids used to scream in the garden after school. A girl living a few houses down the road complained about the noise as she was studying for exams. At 4/5pm this is not reasonable so I told her I would do my best to keep them quiet. Not possible.

There not
different type of quality and construction
I'm guessing not every terraced house is built to the same spec as yours

You really think that OP shouldn't be allowed to flush her own toilet? That's totally ridiculous and very unhygienic.

for people asking it’s a 10 yr old end terraced house. I hear DIY noise from her and noise from the kids but not the things she alleges she hears from me. Plus the previous owners had a large hot tub and a garden bar with 2 kids so I know for certain they were noisier than I’ve ever been.

I also know we have the same washing machine, hers packed in not long after I replaced mine and she asked for details and if I’d recommend it and then asked a question about using it. I chose a quieter model as utility backs onto to my livingroom. There’s only been one occasion I can think of it’s been on later (about 7.30pm) when I split my eyebrow and got blood on a light coloured top and it was on for 15mins and that was 2 years ago.

she was at the window when I got in this morning. I just smiled and gave a little wave and came into the house quietly
This mornings attempt at disruption was her child outside with a ball kicking, bouncing, shouting but I only know that from cctv as it was right at my path again.
I think I’m going to try and speak to her when her partner is home. He’s pretty normal and I don’t think he’ll be aware of the crazy the last couple of days. I can’t be bothered with the agro so I want to try and nip things in the bud.