Neighbours request

[isitmytime]

This might be long so I apologise
I’ve lived in my house, end terraced, for 3 years.
neighbour was a little over friendly to begin with but much better now and we are polite and friendly but she’s no longer messaging me daily etc.

i work shifts so I’m up at 5am or coming home in the early hours. She caught me yesterday morning and asked for a quick chat and complained about noise (she’s previously said she never heard me and I’m hardly in, which is true) I don’t watch the tv at these times, I either get showered and ready for work and leave or come in get ready for bed and read a book in bed.

she’s requested the following:
no toilet flushing, shower running the tap after 11pm or use the downstairs toilet.
if I’m up early that I don’t shower in the morning or use my hair dryer.

she also moaned about me closing the car and front door, using the extractor fan when cooking, the washing machine/tumble dryer being on after 8pm and some other minor things, this is just in general not time specific.

She was most put out that I said I’m as quiet as I can be but that I won’t adhere to her request and that it’s normal living noise when in attached properties.

this morning she allowed/encouraged her 5year old to stand at my path and scream for a good 10mins while they were getting ready to leave for school. She obviously thought I was still sleeping after getting in at 2.30am but I was up and was leaving the house. The child ran in saying mum she’s just left.
AIBU to continue as normal and ignore her ridiculous request?

Yes, same - I live in a terrace house and I would not use a hair dryer, vacuum cleaner, blender or washing machine super early or late, as all those things are incredibly noisy. But obviously would shower etc.

if you can be arsed I would take note of all her attempts to wind you up and tell her you will report her to the police for harassment if she continues.

I love the directness of the facebook poster!

Have just bought the ear plugs

@seasidno as I’ve said I’m actually very considerate. I turn my car radio down or off when I pull into the street. The car door is closed as quietly as I can and the front door is the same.
my washing machine and drier are usually used 10/11 am on my days off and hoovering is the same once or twice a week. When I come in from work late I don’t even have the tv on. Same on early starts.
i couldn’t be any more considerate if I tried. I’m aware working shifts is annoying for others..it’s annoying for me but I have to pay the bills so I have to work.

@MrsElijahMikaelson1the do take a bit of practice to get them in. I have a pinch and roll technique down to a tee though. Hopefully they work for you

Tell her to bog off.

If I were you I would just reduce it bit. Nod and smile. It sounds like she's highly strung out anyway or having trouble sleeping or something. Its probably nothing to do with you. She'll probably forget about it again in time. I would just do what you can and carry on. But if you do need a shower or anything in the morning have one, maybe you could dry your hair at the opposite side of your house. I wouldn't go overboard though. If she complains a second time, then you can talk to her and put boundaries in place

No! Reply to the FB post with 'Sorry to hear that you were annoyed by inconsiderate neighbours. It looks like I'm the only person on the street who wasn't bothered at all by the noise this morning!'

But the OP is a shift worker, so her (poo) schedule may well be someone else’s ’middle of the night.’

I feel sure she is doing this because you did not (in her eyes) pay her enough attention. She is needy and looking for recognition and validation, and when people do not give it to her and make her the centre of their world, she turns nasty.

These are narcissistic traits, unfortunately, to turn against a person in highly unreasonable and manipulative ways when she feels slighted, i.e. that you are not fawning over her the way she would like.

This is the kind of behaviour that can quickly turn malicious and physically harmful, such as scratching your car or sending anonymous notes to the neighbours about you. It begins this way.

She knows that by making complaints to you, she gets validation; you have to respond to it, somehow. This is similar to how a rejected partner can begin to seek revenge for their hurt feelings, their 'narcissistic injury.' She is doing this in part to get at you for being the bad person that you are (in not giving her lots of your time) and in part to get responses and constant contact of some kind.

She would rather have negative contact than not enough contact. So, she is dreaming up drama about which she can complain. Again, the same as a rejected, slighted partner who constantly creates problems out of nowhere, just to get the other person's response.

If I were you, I would begin evidence gathering because this is just the beginning. Write down notes of what she does, and when, times and incidents. Get photos, run CCTV 24/7, keep voice calls, and log everything. Keep a close eye on your car and any external property.

And no, you are not unreasonable; quite the opposite. Everything you are doing is normal living, and it's quiet. It isn't as though you mow your lawn at 3 a.m. And she really cannot hear these things to the level she claims, if even at all.

You have lived there for three years, and only now are these so-called noises disturbing her. It's lies and deviousness.

Back in the early Nineties when i was a care worker i headed straight for the bath when i got home as i had been peed on at work. Years later i have bowel issues. So its unpredictable and can happen any time day or night. It cant happen to suit your bloody timetable

@TeaBiscuitsNaptimethats exactly what I do. I have a spare room that I use as a “dressing room”
it’s the furthest away room from hers and the opposite side of the house.
I’ve no idea why she’s complaining my routine hasn’t changed for 3years and she was forever saying, you’re never in, we hardly see you, you’re such a good neighbour etc etc
I won’t go out of my way to retaliate nor will I change what I do as I think the requests would never end

It is not illegal to flush the loo at night in Switzerland - or anywhere else that I know of. Apartment buildings can have ‘house rules’ about excessive noise overnight and early morning, but that’s because the apartments are closer together, share plumbing etc. Even then not everyone sticks to them because guess what, Swiss plumbing and building insulation is pretty good!

That’s not the case here. Showering before going to work as a nurse seems entirely reasonable and the fact that the neighbour is trying to annoy OP by encouraging unnecessary noise shows this is not a genuine noise complaint. I live in a mid-terrace and I can hear my neighbours plenty. One is a shift worker - a nurse as it happens - and never has the sound of her getting ready for work at 5am bothered me.

Keep contemporaneous notes, times and dates of all incidents, get a door camera if you don't have one already, more cameas if possible, report to police if she tries anything else at all. At no point engage with her in any way, she is insane and she will definitely escalate if she sees she is having the desired effect.

She can F right off

Editing because I think I misread tone. Sorry!

Tell her you haven't got a hairdryer then. She won't be able to contradict you.

I work normal hours and am usually showering at midnight. Dh is up and showering at 5am, and we have 3 noisy kids. I’m also very far from a pushover, maybe you should ask us to stay for a visit 😁😁

Unless you are being excessively noisy between the hours of 10am and 8am or she is your landlord, tell her the G2F.

Your neighbour leaves their terrier dog in for over 11 hours at a time it barks constantly .We wish they had never moved here

Tell her to piss off

Are they these ones?

I’ve got those ear plugs but they don’t stay in my ears, bit matter how i place them. They are in the bed a few hours later 🙈

Oh dear. I feel sorry for you.
You are dealing with madness.