I got laughed at in the gym and now I never want to go back

[CinnamonCrunch33]

I am obese. I always have been and potentially always will be. Over the last year or so I’ve lost a lot of weight and finally found some confidence to workout and join a gym.

I’ve always had complicated feelings around working out. I was ridiculed a lot during PE at school, the boys would make horrible snarky remarks and the girls would laugh at me in the changing rooms. I used to get changed in the showers which had curtains between them (like a shower curtain) and the popular girls would press the buttons to turn the shower on so that I would have to come out half dressed, and they’d laugh at me and make cruel comments about my body.

One thing that sticks out to me is I was really unfit at 14/15, but did the cross country anyway. My mum made me go in to do it because she didn’t agree with me skipping it. It was a mix of (slow) jogging and walking for me, but I did it. I remember saying to a friend that I was proud of myself for doing my best. The most popular boy in our year overheard and started mocking me, he made cruel comments about how I’d walked part of the course and how I may as well have not shown up. I didn’t run then for 10 years.

PE teachers used to make remarks about how I wasn’t trying and didn’t put any effort in, how I’d be better off not trying or coming in. As soon as I could stop PE lessons I did.

I was using the squat machine tonight and a couple of younger girls (I’d guess late teens) were watching me and quite loudly laughed and made a comment about how they wouldn’t even bother if they were me, and that they wouldn’t be out in leggings. They kept staring and laughing at me as I moved round my workout and I ended up leaving early to just go home because I couldn’t stand it.

I know I’m mostly being silly but it’s brought back all of those feelings of shame I had from my childhood and I just want to stop working out entirely. It’s made me feel like I don’t belong there, and like I’m being silly to have tried it.

I've put YABU just in the sense that you would be being unreasonable to let their attitude be the thing that stands between you and working out (of course YANBU to be upset).
Their behaviour says nothing about you and everything about them - hopefully they can develop some decency as it's sad to think of them going through life behaving like that. Report to the gym and in the event the gym aren't supportive, look for another gym 💐

Well those 2 girls really showed themselves up as total dickheads. I would actually report them to the gym management. I used to work in a leisure centre and we would take that kind of behaviour very seriously - apart from the fact that we don't like people being upset, it is also very bad for business.

I used to complete in triathlons and running races. I was actually always incredibly inspired by any competitors who were very overweight or very old. With the overweight people, I thought they must be very courageous and incredibly determined and with the old people, I used to hope that I would be them one day (which sadly will not happen because I have a chronic illness).

Please report it. The lovely manager at the PureGym I go to wouldn't stand for this behaviour. He is trying to build an inclusive gym that stands up for mental health....

It's amazing to see people squat- often I find these young girls don't squat properly either ... I am sorry that you were bullied- and I hope you can become stronger. The group I train with at PureGym we all are/were overweight and trying to come through it and become stronger together ...
I would also agree about body building gyms being amazing- I used to train at PopEyes in Willenhall and it was amazing!!! However I used to get freaked out at people lifting the atlas stones.....

Absolutely disgusting! Please do complain.

Well done for going. They’ll realise one day and be mortified but that doesn’t help much now.

I go to my PureGym in Northampton at 5am specifically to avoid cunts like that. Im not thin but all the people there then are either too tired to care or stunning personalities.

wear the leggings.
smash the squats.
be a better person than them.

Oh I've just read it's a PureGym. One of my gym friends describes our local PureGym as the seventh circle of hell.

But I think you've been unlucky. When I travel to the US (which I do a fair bit) I go to PlanetFitness (I have a cheap US membership) and that's got a bad reputation generally. However, I've had really helpful young men show me stuff on the machines I couldn't figure out.

I think you hit some bad luck with a couple of unhappy girls.

Hold your head high and go for a new PB!

You can lose weight or get fitter, as you please.

They're stuck being horrible spiteful little cunts.

Much better to be you, OP. Crack on and don't let them stop you 💖

Hi Op, report those girls and don't let them win. You're being amazing going to work out and trying your best!
You might want to consider a smaller more PT/small group training focused gym, if you can afford it. Where I live there are some that are female owned and very female health focused.
Don't give up!!

Some people are so hurtful. Sorry you've had to deal with that, OP.

However, please don't let them win.

You can lose weight; they'll ALWAYS have elements of that spiteful attitude.

Chin up, tits out, and continue on your journey, and don't let anyone hold you back. 😘👊

Two teenagers with zero life experience and probably zero brain cells. Their opinion counts for zero in this world.

Absolutely report them. The gym won't want a reputation for that kind of thing.

This story might cheer you up - a Playboy model took a photo of an older woman at her gym, and posted it on social media with a sneering comment. The older woman successfully prosecuted her and her reputation was absolutely trashed!

www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-40038332

I'm really surprised, because the vibe at my place is very inclusive and whenever you see somebody there who is perhaps not a normal weight, everybody's willing them on, might not say anything but you could just tell

Find a better gym. The PureGyms etc are not very nice places, it seems. I go to a small independent gym and this sort of thing would never be tolerated, I’ve known people be taken aside for a “word” about behaviour.

I’m sorry you were treated like this. Don’t let the little bitches spoil this for you

Definitely report this behaviour to the gym as most good gyms ban clients for behaviour like that. Its outright bullying behaviour and horrible to be subjected to.

I think it’s just made me aware of the fact that I’m the largest person there. Which doesn’t really matter, but it’s just hit me. Thanks for all the kind words everyone, I’ll be reporting them

I concur with others, congratulations going to the gym. It's uncomfortable and upsetting when people are mean but ignore those silly bitches and do it for you. And yes report.

I was thinking this, too. How insecure must they feel about themselves to try to bring down another woman? No one who’s comfortable in their own skin would do that. You sound like a strong, determined and inspirational woman. Please don’t let such pitiful shits ruin things for you.

Honestly. FUCK THEM.

Email or speak to someone at the gym. Do not be afraid to go back in your leggings 💪

Find an instructor every time you are there, say hello, introduce yourself and chat to them. If there are staff on the floor they will look out for you in the future.

As lots of people have said, if you can afford it find a small, CrossFit type gym. I’ve always been the biggest, most unfit person in the room. The love others have shown me since I started means even though I’m puffing, panting and still struggling I don’t miss a class.

Someone used the phrase, weight moves weight, and it very much is true when it comes to lifting!

Keep going, you are amazing x

I’m sorry this happened to you. Your post has me made very angry on your behalf. As someone who has spent a lot of time in the gym, ex instructor / lifeguard and safety manager all
in leisure space, it is really infuriating that people who think it’s OK to behave in such a way are taking up our gym space. Put simply, you are in the right place and they just aren’t. Gyms can be inclusive spaces where people support one another.

honestly, the sad fact is you won’t have been the first these cowards have made to feel upset, and you won’t be the last. We had a similar situation where the person mocking someone else was given a very firm talking to, I guess they were embarrassed as they then cancelled their membership - good riddance! Please go back and don’t leave it too long. Once you get your next workout done, you’ll feel good that you did. I sometimes remember that putting myself out of the comfort zone does wonder long term for resilience. Don’t let them change your goal. Definitely complain, the gym staff / manager will want to know . Well done on that particular hard exercise too!

Fuck them. Little arseholes.
Sorry @CinnamonCrunch33 this was your experience x

They're arseholes OP. My experience has been that the really serious gym-goers tend to be pretty supportive of newbies and folks who aren't necessarily 'in shape' (we all start off somewhere after all and we're not all necessarily working with the same goals).

It sounds like you got unlucky, but the gym should deal with it. If they don't, I'd find a better gym if that's an option for you.

I took out a membership at my local leisure centre, so I go to classes as well as the gym.

I used to think that I was incredibly thick and couldn't follow dance instructions etc. Guess what - it turns out that I can follow a trainer's instructions because (unlike my school days) I'm not coping with following instructions whilst having a couple of b*tches dancing behind me, making a fool of me.

I started off with an 'Active for Health' class and then took out my season pass and started going to the gym. Then I joined a Senior Flex class where we all had to follow instructions. The instructor gave us alternatives if we couldn't manage some moves. Emboldened by that, I tentatively joined a beginner's pilates class. That went okay.

Next, I tried a stretch class - which, it turned out - was to music. The same instructor was running a Musical Fitness Class. I thought I'd try that.

It turns out that my arthritic knees mean that I can't do everything, but our instructor is a gem (unlike the evil wee wifie who do took us for 'dance' in high school) and just tells us to do what we can. I'm having such fun and I'm gradually getting fitter.

It's taken me more than two years, but I've lost over 30lbs in weight and I'm much more flexible than I was - and that's in my 60s.

Don't the let the bastards grind you down, @CinnamonCrunch33 .

Oh I forgot to add my favourite comeback to these cowards. Approach and look dead in the eye and slowly say you missed what they said and ask them to repeat themselves, even better if others are around to hear you. I’ll bet she wouldn’t have repeated it and it’s great fun watching their reaction

Of course it's not silly, that was really spiteful, it's perfectly understandable.

I agree that you should report it.

I doubt it'll make you feel any better, but please know that those nasty people clearly aren't that happy with themselves, really. Happy, confident people dont feel the need to bully or undermine others. They're utterly pathetic.

Fuck them.

I've always been slim and used to go to the gym regularly but those nasty people are spiteful and may well end up obese themselves one day. I always admired bigger people just cracking on with exercising rather than showing off and being insecure.

Their turn for being laughed at for old/big/uncool will come.

Keep going and be proud of yourself. Focus on your exercise and listen to something that gets you feeling good!

I don't gym any more, but I do run, including a weekly parkrun.

Every shape and size represented there, including one youngish man who was massively obese a couple of years ago, so much so he could only walk very slowly.

He's still on the large side, but he's lost tons of weight and now runs the whole thing - I think he's completely admirable. He's made a decision and committed and improved his health and (I hope) life.

Anyone who thinks anything other than that when they see someone exercising belongs in the "fuck it, I'm not offending anyone who's opinion I need to give a shiny shite about" box, IMO.