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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

I got laughed at in the gym and now I never want to go back

444 replies

CinnamonCrunch33 · 20/10/2025 18:43

I am obese. I always have been and potentially always will be. Over the last year or so I’ve lost a lot of weight and finally found some confidence to workout and join a gym.

I’ve always had complicated feelings around working out. I was ridiculed a lot during PE at school, the boys would make horrible snarky remarks and the girls would laugh at me in the changing rooms. I used to get changed in the showers which had curtains between them (like a shower curtain) and the popular girls would press the buttons to turn the shower on so that I would have to come out half dressed, and they’d laugh at me and make cruel comments about my body.

One thing that sticks out to me is I was really unfit at 14/15, but did the cross country anyway. My mum made me go in to do it because she didn’t agree with me skipping it. It was a mix of (slow) jogging and walking for me, but I did it. I remember saying to a friend that I was proud of myself for doing my best. The most popular boy in our year overheard and started mocking me, he made cruel comments about how I’d walked part of the course and how I may as well have not shown up. I didn’t run then for 10 years.

PE teachers used to make remarks about how I wasn’t trying and didn’t put any effort in, how I’d be better off not trying or coming in. As soon as I could stop PE lessons I did.

I was using the squat machine tonight and a couple of younger girls (I’d guess late teens) were watching me and quite loudly laughed and made a comment about how they wouldn’t even bother if they were me, and that they wouldn’t be out in leggings. They kept staring and laughing at me as I moved round my workout and I ended up leaving early to just go home because I couldn’t stand it.

I know I’m mostly being silly but it’s brought back all of those feelings of shame I had from my childhood and I just want to stop working out entirely. It’s made me feel like I don’t belong there, and like I’m being silly to have tried it.

OP posts:
Laralou991 · 20/10/2025 20:08

use it as fuel, prove them wrong. Would love to see their faces when they see your future skinny self!

Praying4Peace · 20/10/2025 20:10

I voted YABU because I think you are amazing to commit and engage at the gym for your well-being and you must not be dissuaded by the immaturity of some.
Please don't give up, you sound inspirational.
Re the unkindness re your weight in your youth, it is important to remember that children can be unkind without being malicious.
Keep at it

Sophialemon · 20/10/2025 20:10

CinnamonCrunch33 · 20/10/2025 18:43

I am obese. I always have been and potentially always will be. Over the last year or so I’ve lost a lot of weight and finally found some confidence to workout and join a gym.

I’ve always had complicated feelings around working out. I was ridiculed a lot during PE at school, the boys would make horrible snarky remarks and the girls would laugh at me in the changing rooms. I used to get changed in the showers which had curtains between them (like a shower curtain) and the popular girls would press the buttons to turn the shower on so that I would have to come out half dressed, and they’d laugh at me and make cruel comments about my body.

One thing that sticks out to me is I was really unfit at 14/15, but did the cross country anyway. My mum made me go in to do it because she didn’t agree with me skipping it. It was a mix of (slow) jogging and walking for me, but I did it. I remember saying to a friend that I was proud of myself for doing my best. The most popular boy in our year overheard and started mocking me, he made cruel comments about how I’d walked part of the course and how I may as well have not shown up. I didn’t run then for 10 years.

PE teachers used to make remarks about how I wasn’t trying and didn’t put any effort in, how I’d be better off not trying or coming in. As soon as I could stop PE lessons I did.

I was using the squat machine tonight and a couple of younger girls (I’d guess late teens) were watching me and quite loudly laughed and made a comment about how they wouldn’t even bother if they were me, and that they wouldn’t be out in leggings. They kept staring and laughing at me as I moved round my workout and I ended up leaving early to just go home because I couldn’t stand it.

I know I’m mostly being silly but it’s brought back all of those feelings of shame I had from my childhood and I just want to stop working out entirely. It’s made me feel like I don’t belong there, and like I’m being silly to have tried it.

oh darling! That’s so cruel.

I think you ought to treat your self to a gorgeous pair of new leggings with matching top and report those little cows to the gym.

if you see them again, confront them. Or show them what you’ve written here. You are amazing, you are an inspiration and I’m so proud of you for your courage, I was also bullied in school and it really does traumatise you, so to be triggered as an adult it’s horrendous.

wow I wish I could come to your next work out with you girl !!!!!!! X

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/10/2025 20:10

Please don’t let those nasty little bitches stop you going.
Another time - if there is one, I hope not! - go straightaway to a staff member and tell them exactly what they’ve been saying.

Bananaandmangosmoothie · 20/10/2025 20:11

I did find pure gym pretty good at responding to my email complaint (about a completely different topic). So worth looking up the email on the phone app and detailing what happened including date and time. I imagine all they will do is put up a poster though about being supportive or something like that ☹️ they seemed to put a lot of motivational posters up.

suki1964 · 20/10/2025 20:13

Please dont allow a couple of teenagers who have seen nowt of life stop you

I do get how those feelings all come rushing back, but you have to grab hold of the fact that your arent that teenager anymore , you have tools to use now

I did a half marathon mighty hike a few years back, I did it, was proud I survived it, gushed about how brilliant it was - and forgot to mention I was so fat I got stuck in a Stile and held everyone up whilst I was pushed and pulled out of it

But even the shame of that didnt stop me, 3 months later I climbed our highest mountain as another organised event. I did it, yep I was portably in the last 20/30 up it, and I had mountain rescue bringing up my rear - but I did it

The following year I did the full marathon mighty hike, and finished in the top 30% - and aged 60, Im so proud of that . No one had to pull me out of a stile, I managed the climbs without feeling I was never going to be able to breathe again

And Im doing it again next year

Because I didnt let other peoples sniggers stop me. I had a goal - to get fitter - and Im getting there.

Ive never been happy as a fat person, but I got to the point where my life had gotten so small I had to say fuck it and go for it

There are so many gyms that have sessions for older women, women carrying too much weight, menopausal women etc , which are so much more inclusive then the one size fits all council run gyms , its worth looking around . Quite often in my area there will be a six week block offered at very good prices - you commit to the six weeks of a small group and then you can either sign up for 1to1s or carry on in a small group session. The good thing about these sort of classes are everyone who goes is committed and are worrying about themselves and wanting to work, rather then it being a place to hang around with friends having time to stand around commenting on others

Im never going to be a skinny Minnie, Ive middle aged spread that's determined to stay, Ive a pouch, but Ive legs with so much strength in them I think I could be a champion kick boxer :)

Dont let anyone or anything stop you getting where you want to be

Pollqueen · 20/10/2025 20:14

I'm really sorry that happened to you. My gym has people of all shapes and sizes and nobody comments, laughs or stares so that was outrageous

Speak to the staff because I'm sure they won't want customers being treated like that. The whole point is to work on your fitness and everyone starts somewhere. Don't give up. They were the arse holes, not you

MovingBird123 · 20/10/2025 20:14

That is horrible behaviour and reflects only on them. I love gyms because everyone is just there to better themselves. No one is relying on you as in a team sport, no one is competing against you, it's just you for yourself. And while unfortunately the very few nasty comments were out-loud, you didn't hear all the people who didn't look/think twice at you, or the people thinking supportive thoughts.

Also, huge kudos to you for taking ownership of your fitness after such a horrible experience at school!

Katemax82 · 20/10/2025 20:14

What nasty fucking bitches!! I'm sorry that happened to you. If I see an obese person working out I just think good for them..the whole point of a gym is for getting in shape etc. it would be totally pointless if only people in perfect shape could use it.
Like others have mentioned you need a different gym where these horrible people would have been made to leave

GeorgeMichaelsCat · 20/10/2025 20:14

I am with others, please report it.

Honest to God, proper gym goers don't give a shit about anyone else's size. We are all there trying to improve.

GeorgeA12 · 20/10/2025 20:16

Well done on going! it's the hardest thing to get there. Keep going, and try not to let people effect you if you can and use it as motivation.

ThePollutedShadesOfPemberley · 20/10/2025 20:17

D'you know what OP? At least you are not like them.

Keep going.

Wrenjay · 20/10/2025 20:17

I have used a gym and exercise classes. It might be these obnoxious people go early or late in the day. If you could go at a different time you would avoid them and meet different people who are more supportive as they have also been/are on your journey. Get your annoyance up and show all the horrible people you are far better than them and you WILL reach your goals. Onwards and upwards. Get fit and enjoy doing so.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 20/10/2025 20:17

Ignore them and their childish comments. If they say anything again, tell a member of staff or better still tell them at least you aren't a bitch. Don't let them put you off or shame you into leaving

I'd go with you, then they wouldn't dare comment.

Elektra1 · 20/10/2025 20:18

That’s horrible and I understand why if you’re not feeling confident in the first place it would be enough to put you off. First off, as I’m sure you know, when people feel the need to mock/laugh at strangers, their behaviour says everything about them and nothing about you. People who are comfortable in their own lives just don’t do that. Next, the gym is for everyone. If I were in your position I would have gone over to the reception desk and spoken to a gym employee about what happened and asked them to have a quiet word with the individuals concerned. In situations like this, it really isn’t you: it’s them. Horrible people who have not been raised to treat others with the kindness they expect for themselves.

Easy to say but please don’t let this get to you.

Whenever I see someone out for a run or whatever who might be a bit out of shape, I think “good for them, they’re out there doing it”. In contrast to myself, who hasn’t set foot in a gym since before COVID.

handsdownthebest · 20/10/2025 20:19

PrincessofWells · 20/10/2025 18:46

It's always best to challenge this type of behaviour, well done for getting out there. Report it to the staff.

First..,well done for getting out there and exercising.
Secondly…please report it at the gym. It is not ok. I gym several times a week and that kind of behaviour would not be tolerated.

Gerwurtztraminer · 20/10/2025 20:20

CinnamonCrunch33 · 20/10/2025 19:16

I think it’s just made me aware of the fact that I’m the largest person there. Which doesn’t really matter, but it’s just hit me. Thanks for all the kind words everyone, I’ll be reporting them

No, you probably aren't the largest person there. Maybe they just aren't there at the same time as you. But even if you are, so what? Everyone has to start their gym and weight loss journey somewhere.

I used to work out with a personal trainer and one of his other clients was a much younger woman who was short and stocky and probably morbidly obese. She looked like a rugby forward, but bloody hell she was strong with incredible stamina. (Besides, how cool is women's rugby right now!). She could lift massive weights and do incredible feats of strength (like the power sled push) that even bigger guys could only dream of. Lots of the guys really admired her. She didn't give a stuff what people thought of her and exuded confidence. Channel some of her (fake it till you make it).

Remember, you deserve to be there just as much as anyone else. Please please don't let 2 silly girls deter you from your goals, which are really important. You are far better than them.

I know about the intrusive thoughts throwing you emotionally back to unhappy school years. Many of us do, especially where its body image and bullying related. For me it was swimming in my early teens - I basically cried and refused to do it, so spent most of a year in detention every time swimming was on the PE timetable! I got over that in my 20's with some 1:1 lessons.

Be proud of yourself for getting in there and doing something for yourself.

Cosyblankets · 20/10/2025 20:21

CinnamonCrunch33 · 20/10/2025 19:16

I think it’s just made me aware of the fact that I’m the largest person there. Which doesn’t really matter, but it’s just hit me. Thanks for all the kind words everyone, I’ll be reporting them

If I see someone in the gym who is trying to do something about being overweight etc I think bloody good for you! Well done for getting through the door. It's not easy.

Definitely report them.

I'm a member of Pure Gym and occasionally there are no staff on duty but if this is the case there is always a notice to let you know as you come through the door.

loulouljh · 20/10/2025 20:22

You may be large but you are there doing it! Do NOT let them stop you.

Peoplearebloodyidiots · 20/10/2025 20:23

Op sorry this happened to you. It sounds like a really unpleasant experience (at the gym and at school). I really hope you are ok. Please don't let this put you off going to the gym if you can. You have every right to be there (and to be able to work out in peace). Shame on those girls for behaving like that.

Next time, give them the finger or snarl at them, which should scare the stupid teenagers off. People can be so cruel and it feels awful to be on the receiving end of it.

GreyChicken · 20/10/2025 20:25

I really, really feel for you.

This happened to me, too. I was very overweight and desperately trying to get fitter - I finally worked up the courage to try doing couch to 5k, doing walk/jog intervals.

On only my third time plucking up the courage to go outside and do the training for the week, three boys (age 12 ish) starting jogging behind me, mocking me. They laughed, called me names, said my arse was so fat.

It was mortifying. I felt ashamed and tears ran down my face, and I headed home.

I'm not really a brave person by nature but for some reason when I got back inside, I just felt 'fuck you'.

Fuck you to the judgement, fuck you to the shame, fuck you to feeling like this.

It wasn't easy but I kept going with my weekly jogs and eventually finally completed my first 5k. I was SO proud. Every time I wanted to give up, I thought back to my 'fuck you' rage.

That was 10 years ago - I now run marathons, weight train and I lost all the weight I needed to.

Please, keep going. There are dickheads out there but they don't define you.

You've got this.

Trendyname · 20/10/2025 20:25

PrincessofWells · 20/10/2025 18:46

It's always best to challenge this type of behaviour, well done for getting out there. Report it to the staff.

I agree this behaviour should be challenged but how does she report them now unless she knows their names. Those girls should have been confronted for their rudeness.

Next time, tell the people mistreating you like this - you are being rude and leave so they have a minute to reflect. Sadly some parents don’t teach their kids any manners and empathy and result is these vain, self centred creatures.

Corfcorf · 20/10/2025 20:28

OP, is there a local jogging group you can join? Ours is great and has all shapes and sizes.

Really sorry you experienced this and yes, report them.

reversegear · 20/10/2025 20:29

The gym will have cameras reporting them. They need to stop being bitches and please don’t stop.

Didimum · 20/10/2025 20:31

definitely report them. The arseholes.

Like I tell my children who experience bullying off and on, imagine being so unhappy and insecure in life that you actively bully someone. It’s so sad. They must be incredibly wretched people inside and out and they unlikely ever feel peace and contentment.