Why do British people (at least on MN!) Have such issues with adults celebrating birthdays?

[BlazesBoylansHat]

This has always been really striking to me & I've been on this site on & off for at least 15+ years.

The idea that adults like to celebrate their birthday brings out such negative reactions. I've never understood it!

Is it a cultural thing?

I'm Irish & we generally love to celebrate & speaking for me & my circle, we see the joy in marking these occasions as so many dont get that privilege.

But MN is another world when it comes to this!

Why is that?

I don’t have issue with celebrating birthdays (I’ve celebrated my own this weekend) but I don’t understand the people who pop up aggrieved that nobody has remembered but then admit they’ve deliberately said nothing about it, like they’re setting a trap and are delighted to be able to play the victim and seethe about it.

That’s not how it works with anyone I know in real life. It’d be ‘I fancy trying that new restaurant for my birthday next week’ or ‘I’ve booked the day off for my birthday so I’m going to have a spa day if you don’t mind picking the kids up’ or whatever. Birthdays and other special events are just a natural part of conversation and planning the family calendar.

There are things I’d like that I can afford that I just don’t prioritise because they feel frivolous. Or sometimes someone who cares about me finds something I love that I’d never thought of or seen. I don’t have a DP or shared finances, incidentally.

It’s not.

Is it the age demographic? For my mother , the worst crime a child could commit was “showing off” . If a child was basically not a cowed , scared of adults little people pleaser they were described as having “a lot off” and that was a terrible thing. It was girls she aimed it at . So have some of us taken that through to adulthood and struggle with what we see as showing off ie getting a normal amount of celebration?

Because the fun now can cost a lot of money. It's not just birthday drinks or a meal, it's 'my birthday weekend' or even worse 'birthday week'. This would make my life a whole lot harder and more stressful if everyone of my friends wanted celebrations that cost me money.

I agree and I also think this attitude is particularly directed towards women. Women in particular needing to be people pleasers and modest and humble to the extreme.

I thought about this recently whenever anyone used to compliment me I would brush it off or deny it as if it would be hugely egotistical to accept a compliment. It isnt, at all. Now I've realised I simply say "thank you!".

I think the birthday thing is the same - it's a hangover from the time when you shouldn't "make a fuss" about yourself. Sad.

i feel the same. I can’t imagine asking people to celebrate me and my existence! I would not be comfortable being the centre of attention either.
I didn’t like my birthdays as a child due to divorced parents so maybe it’s because of that. Love other peoples birthdays though and enjoy celebrating them. Have a nice next birthday @Dontletthebedbugsbite2 !

Yes this is exactly it.

Love any excuse for a party and love to celebrate friends' birthdays, no issue with that at all. But as adults the onus is on you if you want to celebrate it, and if you want people to remember.

Adults who insist that they can only celebrate their birthday ON THE DAY and expect everyone to ringfence it are even worse. Just celebrate the next weekend if people have commitments rather than stamping your foot about not being the priority.

This. 80 years ago they’d have enjoyed competitively scrubbing their steps with rollers in hair.

I will attend something if I’m free. I’ll buy a gift for someone if I see something that’s perfect for them. What I’m not going to do is to buy something that’s not perfect for someone just for the sake of buying a present. What a waste of money and the world’s resources. I will also not be made to feel guilty about not attending something if I have something else more important
on.

If you’re an adult you can get over not having a present or not having someone there.

All fo this, celebrating is great it is additional drama nd game playing people add on top of it is the issue

Yeah I dont get it either. Birthdays are yours, not shared like xmas

For some of us it is. I'd love to be the centre of attention on my birthday but alas, that's never going to happen.

People getting angry about adults celebrating birthdays, and claiming having a birthday party makes you an egomaniacal monster, is something I only ever see on Mumsnet. I honestly don’t think I’ve ever encountered that attitude in real life.

It’s an online forum, this means the percentage of people who are friendless or poor communicators will be higher than in the general population.

Life's too short to be bloody miserable. Celebrate, don't celebrate, but don't put a downer on those that do celebrate.

I think it's a class thing. Working class people have always been more into a good knees-up and celebrations generally. I have some middle class friends and birthdays and Christmas are always quite restrained and low-key.
Whereas my family happily dress up as elves and Christmas trees and get drunk 😀

I think it's a class thing. Working class people have always been more into a good knees-up and celebrations generally. I have some middle class friends and birthdays and Christmas are always quite restrained and low-key.
Whereas my family happily dress up as elves and Christmas trees and get drunk 😀

I think it's a class thing. Working class people have always been more into a good knees-up and celebrations generally. I have some middle class friends and birthdays and Christmas are always quite restrained and low-key.
Whereas my family happily dress up as elves and Christmas trees and get drunk 😀

I think it's a class thing. Working class people have always been more into a good knees-up and celebrations generally. I have some middle class friends and birthdays and Christmas are always quite restrained and low-key.
Whereas my family happily dress up as elves and Christmas trees and get drunk 😀

I think it's a class thing. Working class people have always been more into a good knees-up and celebrations generally. I have some middle class friends and birthdays and Christmas are always quite restrained and low-key.
Whereas my family happily dress up as elves and Christmas trees and get drunk 😀

MN doesn’t have a problem with it. Some individuals do. We love to celebrate-all our extended adult family members do too.

I’m a bit baffled 😯 everyone I know celebrates their birthdays with family / friends maybe a gathering at home or a day out or a meal out . I thought everyone did it maybe I’m odd and the people I know are odd 😂😂

Any excuse to celebrate. Some MNers seemed to be dedicated to misery: no fun, no heating, no drinking...Lot of killjoys.

No friends.....
(No socialising with family, work colleagues , neighbours and definitely not school mums! )

Yeah, but...we like unwrapping stuff. We usually just do chocolates and savoury treats we know the other likes and wrap them up. Does sound daft when you think about it, but, I don't know, there's something about having stuff to open. Even if it is just a bar of fruit 'n' nut...