Men suggesting home dates early on

[Sunshine386]

I met a guy online, been on a couple of dates in pubs, seem to get on well and have kissed at the end of both dates. He seems to be looking for something longer term.

Thing is, he is really pushing for home dates. He even suggested it as an option for the second date, saying he could come to mine to cook or I could go to his, but he also suggested pub dates which we did. There is some distance between where we live so I don't know if that's partly why he suggested coming to mine to make things easier for me. However I was taken aback by the suggestion this early on.

I am all for this intimacy if I'm seeing someone for a bit, but it's been two meetings, and I am in the phase where I want to get to know someone over a few dates and see if they are the right fit. He's suggested home dates again for a third meeting but also given a meal out as an option, saying home dates are a good way of getting to know each other. He looked slightly put out when I wanted to go out somewhere. He also said he's away dog sitting for a couple of days at another house and even suggested casually that I could go there with him.

Would anyone else find this a little pushy this early on and off putting, and like he is trying to rush things? Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light. For me I would want to be inviting someone from online for a home date maybe 5th or 6th date minimum

This is just sound common sense to me.

I’m wondering why some of the women on this thread even bother dating.

Do you even like men?

What on earth is that supposed to mean?

I like men. I like men a lot. 🙂

But that doesn't mean I am willing to put myself in a vulnerable position before I have had a chance to evaluate a prospective partner.

It means that anything women do that men don't like, including not going to their homes when they don't feel safe or don't want to, or being wary of being used for sex, is man-hating. Obviously.

100% - I’m attracted to men, I’ve been married and had relationships

Im not willing to have my boundaries violated just to appease a virtual stranger bloke.

Yep - so there’s only two times of women apparently, penis panderers or msn haters with absolutely no shades of grey or nuance

Do you even like women?

It's a fact of life that unfortunately there are a lot of shit men out there yet you seem to want to deny the lived experience and make women explain why they feel like they have to be cautious, or why our brains are literally doing our brains job by generalising/stereotyping for red flags etc in order to try to keep us safe and protect our wellbeing.

I love men.

I’m just not willing to put my personal safety at risk to prove that to anyone.

Our personal safety is at risk with men we know aswell.

Men we don't know well are not more of a risk than men that we do know well.

I was just reading a book about a man who murdered his wife and three children in ireland. They had been married for a long time

Would you say this kind of thing to young female family member? or is it just to random women on the internet?

Yes, as women we are at risk of being killed by our partners, that does not mean that we shouldn't be cautious about new men because ones we know well could kill us anyway 🥴

Many men show red flags within the first few dates, so by being cautious at the start women do avoid the risk at least some of the time.

Please don’t use the appalling death of Clodagh Hawes and her children as ballast for a remarkably silly post advocating women put themselves in harm’s way with male strangers.

I am wondering why you are commenting without reading the posts.

And yet if a woman goes to a strange man’s home and is attacked - people like Jade will question why she stupidly went home with a strange man.

So you would advise young women to just go to the homes of men they don’t know?

His inability to read the signs might be an indication that he's not the one for you, but if you think there's possibility there, I might just be more forthright and tell him plainly what you're thinking. His reaction determines whether he's worth your time and makes your expectations clear. You don't owe him anything, and even if every other woman he's ever dated has slept with him immediately—so what? He needs to learn that it doesn't always work that way. It would be a useful lesson for him.

One of my best mates is dating and she has great boundaries. She tells them up front she only wants to go on dates out the house and that she doesn’t sleep with men until she likes and trusts them. That this takes at least 3 months and twelve dates for her.

This weeds out all the arseholes.

To me, avoiding the obvious grim rape/sexual offending scenarios..:

Its also that you don't want a stranger, knowing where you live /your household /any details that you don't actively choose to give them about your life...

Friends and me, between us have racked up :

-Someone who copied keys and sold them to local ne'er do wells.

-Another stole birthday money sitting in cards from pal's birthday previous week.

-Wouldn't leave after refused sex, and had to be thrown out by large male neighbours at 2am after cops didn't show up.

-Another who had the bloke she wasn't at all interested in, show up multiple times and low level stalk her.

-another took Screenshots of her bank statement on the noticeboard to show his pals?! (why?!)

.... Varied from the criminal to unsettling

Home dates are a hard no from me until I know them pretty well

I don’t disagree that a woman’s personal safety may be at risk when alone in private with any man.

On this thread, the reference has been in relation to having online dates at home, with a man you don’t know from Adam. I wouldn’t have that down as “things to do on my wishlist”.