Men suggesting home dates early on

[Sunshine386]

I met a guy online, been on a couple of dates in pubs, seem to get on well and have kissed at the end of both dates. He seems to be looking for something longer term.

Thing is, he is really pushing for home dates. He even suggested it as an option for the second date, saying he could come to mine to cook or I could go to his, but he also suggested pub dates which we did. There is some distance between where we live so I don't know if that's partly why he suggested coming to mine to make things easier for me. However I was taken aback by the suggestion this early on.

I am all for this intimacy if I'm seeing someone for a bit, but it's been two meetings, and I am in the phase where I want to get to know someone over a few dates and see if they are the right fit. He's suggested home dates again for a third meeting but also given a meal out as an option, saying home dates are a good way of getting to know each other. He looked slightly put out when I wanted to go out somewhere. He also said he's away dog sitting for a couple of days at another house and even suggested casually that I could go there with him.

Would anyone else find this a little pushy this early on and off putting, and like he is trying to rush things? Surely if you've suggested home dates once and the person is not going for it you should just wait for them to give the green light. For me I would want to be inviting someone from online for a home date maybe 5th or 6th date minimum

This is a red flag. If a man likes you, then he wants to go out in actual dates rather than sit in your house, hoping it leads to sex. You cook in your house yourself, so it's hardly a date when someone comes over to cook a and make a mess for you.

Different if that what you want, but men who just want to come to your home to 'cook and have a bottle of wine' use it as code for something else.

@Sunshine386 "haven't previously had this issue where I am being pushed for home dates"

OP, do you want to date someone who pushes you for anything? I don't know about you, but I can't stand pushy people. They tend to be egotistical and care more about what they want rather than someone else's comfort level. It's a form of telling you what to do, which is a big no-no for me.

This time it's home dates, but what next? Horse-riding when you've already said you're scared of horses?

In a way, it's irrelevant what he's pushing for. The fact is that he's pushy. Yuck.

He might well be picking up on your reluctance, yet is still (knowingly) pushing you towards something that you don't feel ready for. Red flag. The fact that you're posting on here exemplifies your discomfort and I advise you to follow your gut feeling. Please be safe.

Men are all the same. They only want one thing. You are better off without them.

He might just be a homebody or might not have lots of money as being out costs a fortune these days. Be clear that you are not comfortable for home dates yet, if he is a good guy he'll not mention it again until you're ready.

You could also do outdoor things that don't cost money just in case he's too embarrased to mention money. Go for nice walks in public spaces, go to a museum, etc.

I don’t think it’s very nice even if you do want sex. If you’re going to have sex, go out and have some fun first. It’s boring depressing and lazy to be staying home at date 3. (Of course you don’t have to have sex either, as you know)
I think this implies he’s going to be boring and lazy long term. He may well be up for long term and in his mind that means being looked after at home - youre or his - never having to make an effort, dinner on the table, tv on, scratching his balls. Ugh.

just a warning though - making a man wait for sex doesnt mean he’ll stick around . If they’re going to ghost they’re going to ghost

He isn't looking for something long term he wants to shag you.
You already find it "pushy" and "off putting".
If you feel like that after 2 dates why are you not listening to your instincts and moving on?
He isn't the man for you.

I’ve read your follow-up posts after I responded you. I am not suggesting it’s an appropriate reason, I’m saying that there could be what are genuine reasons in his mind for inviting you over.

Not all men are awful. No man however, is able to read your mind or know what you think is appropriate at any given point. Which is why you should be communicating with him and letting him know what you are ready for or not.

Good Luck

That's why I said I'd question why. Also, being solvent is not the same as being rich.

I see that this is sensible, I really do.

However with my now husband, because I knew so much earlier than 4 months in that this was the man for me… I invited him to my flat for dinner on our 4th date, which was on day 10!

17 years later…. Was the right decision

My friend aged 36, was quite wealthy last year. Then she suddenly got made redundant and she was thrown into poverty.

how soon after being made redundant was she in poverty?

Saves him money. Jump into bed. Then you won't see him for dust. Waste of time IMHO.

To be fair I don’t see anything wrong with him wanting to have sex on third date 🤷🏻‍♀️..
However suggesting a home date, & you shutting it down & he suggests again , wouldn’t like that ..
Any dates I’ve gone on that we’ve decided to see one another again we’ve done a hotel as our first night together, home dates come after ..
Everyone on here going on how he only wants sex , how does anyone know that !
If two people click inside & outside of the bedroom , makes no odds if it’s the very first night you have sex , if two people are supposed to be together , well then they’ll be together, it’s irrelevant when you do or don’t have sex ..
OP would like to wait & that’s cool & he needs to respect that ..

He wants sex…

he isn’t looking for long term…

A poster said I need to be clearer about not wanting home dates early on, perhaps that is so, but surely most people can read other people and deduce that not all women are going to be comfortable with that so quick?!

Yes they do know that, which is why it's a red flag.

So what if women are a bit cynical about it, what does that mean for the men you feel sorry for? Maybe that they have to go on a couple of extra dates with a woman rather than rushing into things?

Exactly what I thought. Next!

He's cheap. And if he thinks by being cheap he can get you into bed, yuck! Test him. Twenty dates. He’ll bounce.

It’s in your power to get the man you want. Don’t settle! Hold out for the best.

red flags
after sex
home visits?
could be a murderer

I would get things straight if you want to see him again. I want to only meet someone where there is people, I want to take things slow and no home dates.

This bloke seems a sort of up for a quick leg over tyoe merchant.

This may suit some women and could just be what they are looking for. But not you

Get rid asap and find someone genuine and caring.

🌻🌻🌻
X

'home dates'

😂

I think you don't know him after having a couple of soft drinks in a pub setting. He may not have a good job, you really don't know. What has he got that attracts you at all? Anything? What puts you off him? Perhaps go out again and go for a proper restaurant date and spend more time together and see how he eats and what his conversation is and find out more about him. I certainly would not ask a strange man whom I had met on a dating ap to my home for a longer time - really - I don't get from you whether you are even interested in him anyway...

Just wanting sex and move on to the next one , gross.