Are these red flags?

[90yomakeuproom]

I have begun seeing someone and have feelings for them but I am worried that there are some red flags. Would appreciate any views.

Previously spent time in prison around 10 years ago
Had some issues with drugs and alcohol until fairly recently
Speaks quite negatively about his ex gf

They are pretty big issues but everyone has a past and he says he has changed. Am I stupid to believe this? What would you all do?

Has he actually given you his real name?

Some people get support to change their name in prison. Personally I don’t think it’s worth the hassle.
i ignored red flags and they all came back to bite me on the bum and left me devastated (not jail and always lovely about his exes - turned out to be not over his ex )

Let’s try looking at him in a different way.

What is his job / career?
does he own his own home?
does he own a car / drive?
Does he have hobbies / interests? What are they?
does he have friends? What do they do?
does he have children? Does he parent them?

Gut instinct
You know something is off enough to start a post

You owe him nothing - you dont have to "give him a chance" - YOU OWE HIM NOTHING.

Run dont walk. And dont date anyone for a while, concentrate on yourself for a bit. Be nice to yourself; tell yourself VERBALLY, OUT LOUD - actually look in a mirror and tell yourself something positive every day; "we are going to get X done today, and its going to be a good day" then do X (make the bed, something simple), then go back to the mirror, We did X, well done its going to be a great day.

Positive words activate 3 parts of your brain, small wins (like celebrating making the bed or doing the pots might seem stupid) make all the difference. Stop dating and focus on yourself until your self confidence isnt on the floor. Ditch this fucking loser. Work on you.

He doesn't currently have a job
He lives with family
No car
He used to like and play rugby but not anymore
He does have lots of friends
No children

Why are you even considering this loser?

Unless you want a life bankrolling a useless twat who is almost certainly a cocklodger in waiting, bin, delete and look and why you didn’t immediately see the talking red flags

You are quite literally looking for a reason to stick with a complete and utter loser. Do you have children? Someone with that laundry list of shit is going to offer you absolutely nothing, so ask yourself what would be the point to pursue this? He’s bringing nothing to the table and has all the ingredients of an abuser. Run.

Homeless, no job and no hobbies, op. How was that not the red flag before you even went on a date? What is he doing with his time and what does he do with you? How do you date? Where do you go together? Has he spoken about your future together? Him moving in?

He sounds amazing. Keep hold of this one before someone else snaps him up...

So now he’s a drug-addicted alcoholic with a prison record and a crazy ex. Who is also unemployed, car-less and doesn’t have a home of his own? And you still need to be told that this is not a good idea?

No one falls in love quicker than a man with nowhere to live.

End it and try to work out why you’d consider such a poor prospect.

It's not the 1850s anymore. That stopped decades ago. Most convictions are relatively minor and there is no way a local newspaper that might have two remote members of editorial staff will be wasting their time sitting in court listening to convictions for not paying a fine. After Life was not a documentary

Not odd at all. Unless his crime was high profile it wouldn’t have been reported in the media.

He doesnt have a job,
he doesnt have a car,
he doesnt have a residence of his own
he talks shit about his ex

Ditch him. Ditch him. For the love of God.

I'm really not sure what he was in prison for, it's very vague but I think it was to do with armed robbery and assault but not 100% sure as he says he doesn't want to talk about it.
The alcohol and drug use is as recent as about 2/3 months ago.
Your responses are all what I needed to hear and I appreciate them all, thank you lots!

@90yomakeuproom

Where did you meet

Armed robbery - ffs OP maybe look at therapy as to why you’d even go on one date with a walking talking breathing red flag.

Honestly this man is pond life level - please raise your bar

What was his conviction for? That's quite important. What drugs did he use? Overall though, it's not looking great.

"He doesn't want to talk about it" - you bet he doesn't!

☕ <- this is the coffee, OP, wake up and smell it. You're worth more than this!

Just seen your uodate: avoid this man.

Do a Claire’s Law request. But also you will regret this relationship if you continue.

“He doesn’t want to talk about it” ok, fair enough, he doesn’t want to talk about how much of a piece of shit he is. Ask yourself, why do you want to talk about it? Why do you want to talk about this man’s failures instead of walking away? Kindly, you need therapy to address why this man is even an option. Why is this man even a dot on the horizon? I wouldn’t even get past one cup of tea with him knowing all this. You need to learn to weed out people who will bring you nothing.

Glad you are listening to the posters OP. This guy is probably a violent offender with no job and substance abuse issues.
It’s a hard and hell no.

That's not just red flags, they're big flashing beacons with police siren noises on top.
🚨🚨🚨
There's so many men that are not criminal drug addicts. Date them instead. This man will bring nothing to your life apart from pain and drama. Please don't entertain a relationship or even a friendship with this man. You're worth more than that.

He doesn't want to talk about it. Jesus wept. Did you think he would sing it from the rooftops? In fact id have more respect if he did. The fact he cant even own and face up to this aspect of his past is in and of itself a major red flag. Get the hell away from him.