WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

Vegan wellington
A few roasties in a separate pan in oil.
Before mashing, take out a few potatoes and mash then separately
Pack of microwave steam veg
Frozen stuffing balls
Bisto veg gravy

I’m sure someone else has already said this, but I’m definitely picturing your MIL as Pam from Gavin and Stacey!

Another perspective is that if you don’t try to accomodate her dietary needs then in the future if you, your kids or their partners etc have dietary requirements then the extended family may not be as accomodating either.

Sounds like you find your MIL annoying and all families have members who push our buttons but I’d be careful of what precedent you are setting.

Cook one small separate oven tray with roast potatoes in olive oil , add in carrots and parsnips. Same with Brussels sprouts if you normally add bacon or any other vegetables like red cabbage. Buy a small vegan nut roast, packet of vegan gravy and ready made vegan single portion Christmas pudding.

You don’t need to have a separate identical vegan version of every single item on your menu. I say this as a person who is gluten free ( it’s a medical condition not a lifestyle choice ) .Id just hope for an approximation of a GF Christmas dinner , not an identical replica.

The majority of vegans, and vegetarians, would definitely want separate spoons, roasting trays etc.

Tell us more about special Christmas cocktails op :)

"...truffling her way into a bar of chocolate"

What a wonderful description! I am totally nicking this! It gives such a fantastic image, 10/10 go to the top of the class!

I think it’s reasonable to make her vegetarian food but doesn’t need to be from scratch (use frozen roast potatoes, skip the parsnips, give her a frozen vegan wellington and most regular gravy granules are vegan, we have the Lidl gravy, add a spoon of dried sage and spoon of cranberry sauce to pimp it up.

At Christmas I cater for two vegetarians and one vegan.

The first year I did two separate lots of roast potatoes - one in duck fat and one in olive oil. That was too much faff and took up too much room in the oven, so now we all have them roasted in olive oil. They still taste great.

Instead of roasting parsnips with honey, try maple syrup.

Cook sells very good vegan gravy. It comes frozen. You just microwave it for a couple of minutes and pour it into a jug. Obviously you make normal meaty gravy for the rest of you.

I usually make a Wellington for the non meat-eaters, using ready made puff pastry and a filling that includes mushrooms and chestnuts. I make it up the day before and then it goes into the oven for half an hour or so, by which time the turkey has come out. If you don’t want to make your own, Cook does a very good vegan mushroom Wellington.

I have 3 non-meat eaters to cater for out of 9, so it’s not just one person, and the vegan is my daughter. I But I do think that expecting a guest to bring her own food for Christmas dinner is not exactly welcoming!

Christmas pudding is often vegan too, Tesco have them (and they are the cheaper ones £

YANBU I'm a vegan and I hate people like this

I’m coeliac. I don’t expect anyone to cater for me and just take my own food. It’s really not difficult!

I can just picture Pamela from Gavin & Stacey. 😂

Buy or make something that you can pull out the freezer - I have done a "nut roast" from a recipe that someone posted years ago which is basically a sauteed onion, plus a box of stuffing mix, blitzed mixed nuts and optional cranberries

But vegan gravy granules

Are their vegan Aunt Bessie potatoes?

I agree, but a really good onion gravy is decent and can be made ahead of time.

I made some veggie/vegan pigs in blankets last year with vegan sausage wrapped in that weird vegan bacon

Christmas Vegan Dinner For 2 COOK share.google/uKAbvVdQPI0dSEtkE

Any chance she's doing it for health reasons, op? It seems so extreme after all this time. Could you put a small amount aside and roast them separately. Also do you have an airfryer. That could help with the roasties- potatoes ect.

By the way your dinner sounds divine. 😋

This is in no way helpful to your post, but have you got room for one more?! I'm definitely not vegan!

I would just get her an M&S or Waitrose plant based roast ready meal though, you're going to have enough to do!!

My daughter and I are pescatarian. At Christmas we have a veggie alternative with all the veg (potatoes roasted without duck fat or beef dripping!) and some vegan gravy. Lidl do a lovely vegan gravy, easy to warm up. It’s not hard, and if she helps herself to bread sauce, cream or cheese, that’s on her.
If you want pancetta etc, just keep a portion back and roast/cook separately. If she can’t have stuffing or pigs in blankets, that’s her choice. Don’t go out of your way, but give her a vegan meal!

Sticking to a strictly vegan diet can be really difficult, especially if dining out in restaurants, so I think you should cut her some slack, tbh. Asking her to bring her own food would be incredibly rude and unwelcoming. Do you not like her much, OP? Because it seems like you're grasping for "something" to hold against her.

Last year I made a dark chocolate orange rum cocktail, and blackberry gin and champagne type cocktail. They both had Christmas pun names, but I can’t remember them now (might have them on a menu I printed somewhere, might find them when I get the Christmas decorations out again).

I know you said that you like to use honey on your parsnips and so do I. The other day I followed a recipe (Ottolenghi) that used Dijon mustard and Maple Syrup on root vegetables. It was delicious and I will now use this instead of honey.

For honey carrots you can use Algarve syrup or maple syrup
buy an vegan instant gravy
be frozen roast potato's that are not in animal fat and cook hers separately in the air fryer
I would cater to her and if she want to eat the non vegan food then it's up to her

I think it's a bit rude to go to someone's place for dinner, then expect them to cook something special just for you. I can see I'm in a minority, but if I decided to go vegan, I'd see it as my choice and wouldn't expect others to go out of their way for me. I'd just eat the things I wanted and not the things I didn't want.