WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

You say 'the things you've suggested are not just not vegan, their(sp) not vegetarian'; do you mean suggestions for Christmas lunch? I took it to mean the things MIL had previously eaten. My apologies if I misunderstood. I have been vegetarian for decades, and have needed to be certain many times!

I can too, of course. Huge difference. I think I misunderstood, thought she was referring to MIL's exceptions as being not only not vegan, but also not vegetarian. Too many double negatives!

I agree with this!

I would at the very least do her a vegan nut roast or vegan tart or something as an alternative to the meat.

You don’t need to cook the potatoes in animal fat, just do them in oil for everyone. You don’t need to put honey on the parsnips, have a honey based sauce people can add if they want.

Do her a vegan instant gravy if you must have meat juices in yours.

Sounds as though actually she’s more vegetarian than vegan, but trying to reduce the animal products she consumes.

Because everyone can enjoy those things without the meat and animal products added. It smacks to me of insisting on making them include meat/ animal products just to make a point.

The OP and her guests have all said that they PREFER the meaty versions so why the hell shouldnt they have them if they want them?

You are trying to imply that the OP is doing it to deliberately snub MIL whilst glossing over the fact that the OP has been cooking this meal this way for years and she and her guests are all happy with it. Why the hell should she change the entire meal for ONE person?

Doing a small portion of unglazed veg and some plain roasties in the air fryer gives MIL a perfectly acceptable meal and the rest of the guests also get what they want.

What exactly is the problem with that?

I am a vegan. Xmas dinner is always at my parents. I always offer to take my own main, some years I do, some years my Mum insists on getting me whatever I want myself-I usuallly buy myself a few sides, vegan pigs in blankets for example. Luckily for me they've stopped doing the potatoes in goose fat due to my Dad wanting to be healthier but when they did, they'd just take a few aside for me before coating them and do them in oil.

Stuffing, fine unless It's been in the turkey.
Gravy-instant beef ones are often fine. Job done. It's not hard.

I do find it annoying people saying they're something they're not. I'd probably discuss it with her and figure it out, what stage in her veganism she's at-but I would pull her up if she was being a hypocrite.

I bought myself a vegan cheeseboard last year (£5.00 from Aldi, I think?) and I left it there when I left having only eaten a small bite of one of the cheeses as I were full. I dropped in the next day and my 'I'm a carnivore!' Dad had eaten the lot of the rest of it 😂

Idk

I mean, full disclosure I’m pescatarian now but when I ate meat I could never really tell the difference between the different kinds of roast potatoes in terms of what they were cooked in.

But if it makes a difference to the OP she should just “do her” as the expression goes.

I have to admit that I dont get the whole roasties thing either. My father made a proper song and dance about doing them in goose fat one year and I really couldnt tell a difference and I am not sure anyone else could either as he didnt bother the next year. Lamb fat, now thats a different matter, makes the best roasties in the world but I digress!

And again I will admit that I prefer plain unglazed veg, plain sprouts etc but thats probably because I was born in the 70s and brought up on my mothers very old fashioned non fancy food.

My point was that if thats what the OP and her family (and indeed MIL until this year) preferred, I dont think that its fair to change all of that for one person who isnt actually a vegan!

Yeah but that doesn’t explain why it’s ‘tedious’ does it?

We do Christmas very much like op. Special ingredients, no expense spared, no worrying about calories. No way would I compromise on ingredients I love and look forward to because one guest didn’t want to eat that. They’d get a portion of oil roasted potatoes and a selection of boiled veg. They’d be welcome to bring their own if that wasn’t acceptable.

'Tedious' seems to be code for 'wanting to do it your way rather than people pleasing'

She is trying hard to be vegan and slips from time to time. Get her a vegan ready meal and serve along with yours

It wasn’t me who used the word so I wasn’t fixating on that, more the sentiment.

Quorn roasts aren't vegan.

I’m curious what you define as necessary versus unnecessary? If I’d to say it would be that you only had what you needed to survive so for me that’s 1100 calories if sedentary which suppose a lot of us are on Christmas Day? Would you not care what those 1100 were so they could all be Christmas pudding or would they be decent food so white meat, veg but boiled so getting the goodness but not the extra fat?

My bad, but neither is the MIL from the OP's posts.

@PyongyangKipperbang - I do agree with you about the sprouts. The rest of the meal is rich, so I find I need something fresh, to balance things.

I'd accommodate, but with a ready made vegan roast/Christmas dinner. Not sure if you can get an all in one version, but as a previous poster suggested...microwave vegan gravy etc. Anything that comes in a foil tray or microwavable, that you can just wack in the oven/microwave.

Yeah, shes a pain, but don't make it harder on yourself than it needs to be. That includes any drama of not catering to her requests. It's only one day :)

Well of course you want to treat yourselves, but is there really that much difference between potatoes cooked in goose fat and those cooked in oil? I know I can't taste the difference. Similarly, why not use maple syrup rather than honey if you want to glaze vegetables with something sweet? I wasn't suggesting cooking a nut roast for everyone rather than a turkey, but with small changes like these the meal can be inclusive and just as nice.

Make her a nut roast dinner with frozen veg & veg gravy. If she moans suggest she tucks in to what you've made as you're aware she 'cheats' if there's not an alternative vegan dish available.