WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

What exactly is ‘tedious’ about cooking something in the way in which you prefer? Is it equally ‘tedious’ that you cook your potatoes in oil and don’t add bacon to the sprouts?

Who on earth worries about calories on Christmas Day?

Ik it’s so controlling to cook someone’s else’s way tedious.

Exactly, should I find it tedious dh has ketchup on a bacon roll, when he should have hp brown sauce because that's how I like it?

Not really your separating food before you add animal fat to it. Just taking a few things out after boiler and setting it aside isn’t too much. Like I said see what she actually fancies in her Xmas dinner. However I would be plating it up for her so not to have multiple dishes out on the table

😂
It’s just not traditional Mark

Lettuce?

Best get some lettuce in for the drinks Corrigan...

"it's just not traditional mark" 🤔. Interesting that you think you know my traditions, have we met?
No. Well there you go. I have Yorkshire puddings with all my roast dinners. So does everyone that I know. So I guess that's our tradition.

Do what you want @Financial
'There ain't no party like a yorky pud party, cos a Yorky pud party don't stop!'

Maybe she could bring her own?!

@Janicchoplin If it's not for ethical reasons and she has broken her own rules to suit herself. Make everything the same. Just throw a nut roast in the oven then serve her portion and split the rest with others as a stuffing.

This sounds like a really great idea, a nut roast would make a lovely stuffing and you could add dried cranberries, apricots, prunes or whatever. You could also cook vegan sausages on top so she felt she was getting her share of Christmas trimmings.

It's not difficult to make vegan friendly side dishes, so that's what I would probably do, because surely that's part of being a good host. So I would do "normal" roast potatoes rather than goose fat potatoes, not roast the parsnips in honey, etc. Gravy? Make your own regular gravy and do a separate small jug of Bisto for her. Along with some sort of ready made vegan main, accommodating her won't be much extra work at all. If she chooses to have a Yorkshire pudding, that's her choice.

Exactly! She feels included. Without telling her the rest

It seems that MiL has occasionally eaten the vegetarian choices. Serving her vegetables cooked in goose fat and meat gravy is out of order and totally unnecessary, especially if she’s unaware of this.

There are lots of good microwave options.

I think that's the key point. It's unnecessary to cook potatoes in goose fat, so to do so when one of your guests in vegetarian seems unkind.

I think the suggestion of putting a small number of potatoes in a separate tin within the bigger tin of potatoes is a much better idea than expecting someone to alter the way they like to cook to suit one guest.

Why is it not unkind to not serve the other 13 people what they prefer?

There are a lot of things that are unnecessary but we do them anyway, because we like them! Most of what is eaten at Xmas is unnecessary but we do it as its a special occasion.

Personally I would do a few plain spuds in the air fryer and leave it at that, no way would be making something different for everyone at the request of one person who isnt even what they claim to be!

How is sour cream not vegetarian?

@venus7 I think you've misread the OPs post - she says "no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc". The sour cream refers to what her MIL has eaten previously which OP is saying shows she isn't always adhering to her vegan diet. My point being that there is a difference between occasionally eating something veggie that isn't vegan and having to eat something that's been prepared with meat.

I was quoting pp (you) not op. I didn't misread it. Cream is vegetarian, not vegan. MIL has broken her vegan diet. You stated that the foods she broke it with were not vegetarian; they are.

I guess I can see the difference between dairy products and actual meat products, @venus7 - is that what @hellotojason was saying?

Hmmm - you've misread me then, I don't even mention cream I talk about not being able to eat the potatoes and gravy because they are cooked in meat. Of course sour cream is vegetarian.

Is Christmas just about what is ‘necessary’, though, @QuiltPlantCandle? I think it’s about pushing the boat out a bit - using the more special ingredients like duck fat and butter.

That said, I do think there must be ways to cook things that will keep @Veganornotvegan‘s MIL happy alongside cooking the Christmas Dinner everyone else will enjoy.