WIBTA if I refuse to cater for my ‘vegan’ MIL?

[Veganornotvegan]

My MIL recently announced that she is vegan. Great. Love that for her.

This obviously came with a request that whenever we cater for her (think Sunday lunch, dinner parties, events, etc.) we cater for her as a vegan. All good so far.

However, she says she’s vegan, but she’s not. Two recent examples when we’ve been out for dinner, she ordered a vegan chilli, but with a side of dairy sour cream (“to make it less spicy”), or a vegan roast dinner, with a side of normal Yorkshire puddings (because “there’s no vegan alternative”).

We are hosting a typical 3 / (4 with cheese course) course Christmas dinner for 14 adults and 4 children, no one else has any dietary restrictions or requirements, and my MIL wants me to make a separate vegan version of everything just for her (no duck fat potatoes, no honey roast parsnips, no meat dripping gravy, etc). WIBTA if I said no / she needs to bring her own?

It won't kill me for one meal. In many cases, it is likely a healthier alternative. Saying that, I wouldn't have a partner with such dietary restrictions if it was something I could screen out early on. I wouldn't want this to be part of my every day.

And I did a spiced apple one too, forgot about that!

I do like to make it hard for myself with so much to do. 😂

Can’t you cook it in advance and freeze it.

Roast a few potatoes in oil (I think they’re much nicer anyway) and do a few parsnips/carrots in maple syrup (just as nice as honey), then freeze them -just reheat on the day. Add a jug of bisto gravy, which is vegan, and voilà. She gets a nice, vegan Xmas dinner and you can have all the meaty stuff. It’s not exactly much more effort.

Yeah, I think it is too much to ask. If I was the vegan in this scenario I would eat the sides that I could, but bring something for myself to eat too. I'd also feel a bit shame faced, because my Quorn burger looked shite.

I have vegetarian and vegan friends (just none of them will be there for Christmas) and when I’ve done dinner parties, or BBQs etc. I would always use separate trays and utensils for them. We even bought a second (smaller) BBQ that we only use for vegan foods. I wouldn’t feel comfortable mixing the meat bits with the vegan bits.

This, putting her potatoes in a separate tiny pan/dish inside the potato tray or there won't be room in the oven. And she will have to come and make the Bisto when asked because it'll take some juggling for space and utensils.

I think you're being very kind to accommodate.

It shouldn't be difficult. If you're thinking of an individual nut or quorn roast, just add some potatoes and parsnips etc onto the tray with it, separate from your lovely fancy versions. Just salt, pepper or paprika and olive oil will be lovely. A microwave pouch of vegan gravy and she's good to go.

An individual pot of dessert from the supermarket, and one vegan cheese (blurgh) plus plenty of fruit for the final course.

A microwave pouch of vegan gravy is a great idea! Quick and easy, and won’t be taking up a hob. I hadn’t thought of that. Thank you!

Tell her you can’t guarantee there won’t be cross contamination with animal products as you’ll be putting everything in the same oven so she’ll either need to take her chances or bring her own. Then serve her the same as everyone else.

Aren’t they? What’s in them that isn’t?

A caveat to my post above, has your MIL gone from vegetarian to vegan? In which case it wouldn’t be ok to serve her animal based food if she wouldn’t have eaten it previously. But if she was a meat eater and has recently gone vegan, it won’t kill her to relax her principles for the day.

But in this case, it's OP's MIL who is doing the berating of other people for not being vegan - even though she is not a 'proper' vegan herself. It reminds me a bit of the old comment about the man who "the more he goes on about how scrupulously honest he is, the quicker you count your spoons".

If there are foods that you don't like/are not willing to eat, there's nothing wrong with being upfront about it; but to put somebody to the trouble of catering for your expressed wishes for nothing is really rude.

It doesn't matter whether those wishes are that you're vegan, vegetarian, kosher, you don't eat X, you only eat X, you're 'vegetarian' apart from chicken, you don't like any vegetables apart from carrots and peas, or whatever - but don't tell lies about it and put your host to a whole load of completely unnecessary trouble. Have some respect for them.

@NormasArse most Quorn, except the stuff specifically marked vegan, has egg as the binding agent. And quite a few Quorn things also contain milk.

Why though? If people are fine to eat non halal, kosher, vegan food when I would follow suit As long as there's enough stuff they can eat to follow their code I. wouldn’ t sweat the rest. So environmentally unfriendly to buy/cook two separate version’s

It’s easy to do the potatoes and veg. Just put a few of each together in a small baking tin before you add the fat and honey to the rest. Roast plain in olive oil. Buy a ready made vegan gravy, quorn roast, stuffing it whatever. She might not get every single item but then she’s being pretty demanding so simple should suffice

This is a DH one - put him in charge of sorting vegan alternatives.

No she was not a vegetarian beforehand, in fact quite the carnivore! Used to eat a lot more meat than I do (although I know you wouldn’t think that from my Christmas dinner menu, but Christmas is a special occasion!)

"It I ludicrous to expect a guest to bring their own food to a Christmas meal."

And it's ludicrous to expect your host to provide a vegan meal when you're not actually vegan.

I explained why

How petty.

For them first time ever (and because it was yellow labelled down to 15p), I bought one of those microwave steam packs of fresh veg a few days ago. Not eco friendly, but no effort at all, and the best tasting and best textured veg I've ever had. I steam all my veg in a steamer pan, so I thought I had the perfect veg cracked, but the pouch was even better. So if go for microwave gravy and veg. Then you've only the roasties in olive oil, and putting some of the mash in a bowl before you add the butter to the rest of it.

The ingredients of quorn roast are : Mycoprotein (60%), Rehydrated Free Range Egg White, Onion, Rapeseed Oil, Natural Flavourings, Milk Proteins, Firming Agents: Calcium Chloride, Calcium Acetate - so both egg and milk.

Cook does a vegan Christmas dinner, which looks quite tasty - https://www.cookfood.net/products/vegan-dinner-for-2?utm_source=google&utm_medium=shopping&utm_campaign=vegan-dinner-for-2&&utm_medium=ppc&utm_source=google&utm_term=&campaignid=16616714048&adgroupid=171394094391&utm_campaign=Shopping%7CShop%20Locations&gad_source=1&gad_campaignid=16616714048&gbraid=0AAAAAD_P-4hUwSUJxxUS1s2MGEnp_Htsp&gclid=CjwKCAjw0sfHBhB6EiwAQtv5qcd3sfSw9IPUYhewwBTfKwVFzsX_Un0gKfnpu0szuoVHpleOCx5pehoC_0oQAvD_BwE
or you can buy the veggie wellington separately by itself. Most supermarkets will have pouches of vegan gravy.

Yes you would BU.

Or OP could adapt the sides.

I’m not vegan or vegetarian, but always do roast potatoes in oil. I really dislike them in duck / goose fat.

Parsnips and carrots are just as nice roasted in maple syrup as they are in honey.

Mash is optional for a roast anyway, and oil or plant-based alternatives could be used if it’s felt to be essential.

Vegan gravy should be easy enough to buy, even if it’s just Bisto, and a pre-prepared main shouldn’t be difficult either.