Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

Having read your update I think you should just go back to the hotel in Turkey until they grow out of it. It sounds perfect. The familiarity might help too.

Absolutely this!

I’ve been on a 2-3 hols a year with a 12MO and a 2 YO since they were both a few months old.

2 almost 3 YO is autistic and constantly runs / ants in pants / screams flaps bounces. But, he LOVES water and loves the park, sea, beach etc. I have found that holidays are definitely different, and focused on the LO’s, but you can definitely have an enjoyable holiday.

i appreciate it’s all inclusive but can you take LO to a local park, let them swim in the pool for a few hours, things to burn off the energy?

and with regards to food, I think you have to be a little lax. I’m quite strict generally, not a lot of sugar, 5-7 fruit and veg a day, dairy, etc etc. but on holiday I let them eat chips every dinner if they want, ice cream every day, it’s everyone’s holiday not just mine! Can you buy some toddler appropriate snacks from
the supermarket to avoid that again?

Hey OP, I'd suggest getting some reins so DS can't just race off. Lots of good suggestions by other posters re food etc, I'd be very concerned that he escaped from the kid's club. The door should absolutely be secure, definitely follow that up if you can? Hopefully you guys can get to enjoy the rest of your holiday 😊

Give the partner what he is going to do with DS tomorrow! Don't let him sit back give him instructions! Unless he's told how and what needs doing he's off the hook! ?

I travel alot on my own with my 4 young children ( all under 9 ) , one has combined ADHD and has trouble in certain areas and running off etc.
Firstly id never do kids club , I dont understand why ppl go on a family holiday then leave there kids with strangers in a kids club to sit by the pool. Where is the 9 month old? While ur sat on the loungers? If that was my child , my child would b kicking off like why have I got to stay here with strangers but my siblings dont.
Bottom line, sitting in restaurants eating, putting kids in kids club esp ND children is unrealistic for kids this age. Its so boring for them , so u will notice more challenging behaviour.

Ppl ask me all the time how I manage it, its because we never stay in the hotel n from morning to night we are out busy, as soon as the boredom kicks in, theres meltdowns everywhere so avoid them at all costs. Im ok with the fact wen they r older I can have relaxing holidays to myself. But for now our holidays are tailored around the kids.

Quality time with your family while your kids in kids club?

I just think you’ve chosen the wrong type of holiday for your families needs.

It’s not worth it. It’s no holiday when it’s hard work. Much easier to be at home.

The whole ‘bunging the kids in the kids club rather than spend time with them’ judgement is comedy.

My kids have always been really sociable and enjoy playing with other kids, each other and other adults.

At most they have done maybe 3 kids club sessions over a week. Usually one or two plus a kids disco. Our last holiday they did one 2 hour session and loved it but we were too busy to fit another in.

Bare in mind that on a day on holiday with young kids that could be - up at 7am for playing with toys and heading down to breakfast, breakfast until 9am playing and chatting and interacting, 9-10 in the pool with both parents as 2 kids, quick change and

11-2 out for lunch and a walk around local town running round the square, seeing some sights.

2-4 - kids club for crafting session and arranged treasure hunt game and dance club in aircon kids club to avoid heat of midday.

4-5 - back into pool or down to beach jumping over waves/ on pedals etc or both parents in pool playing with balls and playing games

5-6 - back to the room to get ready so one parent playing with toys on the balcony with them

6- 8.30 - playing uno, chatting eating and running around at disco

Are you honestly judging these parents for a kids club session? Lots of kids love kids club and ask to go. It’s a long day with kids on a holiday and many enjoy other kids company and some activities out of the heat of the sun.

This won’t help but I can’t help but wonder why you thought going away was a good idea!

But this kid obviously doesn’t.

Edit to add we don’t do all inclusive holidays as it doesn’t suit my children and their needs. That’s the point.

Having dinner at lunchtime was a game changer for us with small kids. But yes adjust your expectations. It’s always worth bringing kids away IMO but it’s not a sitting on sun lounger type holiday anymore. Also try explaining calmly to the 4yo why they can’t run away, it’ll sink in eventually. My kids are unreal little travellers now at 11 and 8. Totally worth it.

Only skimmed the comments, so please don't shoot me if I repeat previous posters.
Have you heard of "right to choose"? If you use those words to the Dr they should start the ball rolling. In my area this route is around 5x faster than the school route, which can take up to 5 years!

@user1492809438 wow your pleasant!

You sound like a man hater.

He is far from useless. When did I say - ‘don’t bother me?’

what I said is he has a shorter fuse, gets frustrated - quite natural human emotions in a stressful situation and given his history of panics attacks post a serious car accident where he was injured, he finds high stress situations hard as a result - hence the heart attack comment.

When your 3 years old son is literally running into danger (A road, a pool side, escaping what you’d assume was a secure child care setting) you’d probably feel extreme stress too.

I’ve previously stated he is good dad- he cooks most nights, does majority drop offs for childcare, does sons clubs, most bed times and is a very loving dad to name some of his ‘useless’ qualities!

Sweeping generalisations like you’ve made are quite frankly pathetic.

This is new news! I was dismissed when I asked about assessment with the consultant he was under for his tic and told wait till school. This was when he was trying to escape the room he was being assessed in ironically given this post 🤦🏻‍♀️

I feel like a broken record repeating it to him constantly. It doesn’t change a thing sadly. And now the whole hotel knows his name from calling after him constantly 😂

We had a great lunch today in a small taverna and it did get me thinking we should try and make that a go too at lunch and just sack off the evening which is just disaster generally. Although he ate kids menu in a quiet a la carte at the resort tonight sat on my lap with the eye pad with an early start so this may also be the way forward.

We went away when out kids were 3 and 1.5, it was horrendous.

Do you have a kitchenette? We were self catering, had planned for dinner out every night, but it was just too stressful. Ended up going to Aldi and buying pasta, tomato sauces, bread etc and feeding the kids in the room, putting them to bed at their normal time, then hubby went and got us takeaway and we had a couple of beers on the balcony. Son was also df so I get it!

Day time was more bearable when they had more sleep. We found a theme hotel with a soft play (imagine going to soft play in Majorca), and went to little parks etc.

You both need to work together, and try to give each other some down time and get some enjoyment out of the holiday.

@CremeBruhlee agree! Everyone has a different experience. Seems wild so many judgey people on here taking offence to the fact I literally fancied the odd hour or two to focus on my 9 month year old baby on my holiday before I’m back at work and then I don’t get to see HER all day 🥺

When he was 2.5 we stayed in an air b&b in Puglia and drove out to see and do things before a week at the end in a hotel. Granted he was less mobile then but it was easier cooking a few days then - but it was also a different time in his development. I am thinking self catered apartment wherever the location of even hotel with kitchenette may be the solution if we do try again! Which quite frankly not likely any time soon lol

Literally the baby doesn’t leave my lap as we play or is in her stroller as we potter about or dad is with her. Once again - I don’t and didn’t envisage spending my entire holiday on a lounger with my son shoved in the kids club all day which is the conclusion most seem to have jumped too 🤣 he’s enjoyed it before. I thought he’d manage an hour or two. He also loves to socialise generally. Him being at kids club was time I’d spend relaxing with the baby and husband - so yes - quality family time! Because there would also be quality family time with my son for the rest of the day!

Relaxing for me is actually being away from home for a change, the life challenges we’ve had this year, the piles of laundry and the hope to have a nice time before I’m back at bloody work in the new year in the grey old uk.

Well given he cooks for me most nights I’ll ask him if that gives him the ick. Why be so mean? @Luckyingame

@JillMW thanks for your messages today! They have really made me laugh and also great advice! Refreshing to have a laugh about all this instead of some of the judgey messages I’ve seen! Great idea about booking for arrival on this stuff - I’m always organised in principle but time just always slips away!

Swimming pool. Use up that energy. Plenty of food constantly to slow him down a bit. Story time for quiet down time so he can be calm. Get some snacks so not relying on meal times. Let your husband take him for an hour and show him new things etc. In a moving buggy. At this age we used to walk our son like a puppy. A backpack with reins on filled with snacks and some good shoes and he's good to go. Even if it's ADHD you still have to learn to manage him. And yourselves. It's highly heritable. So either you or DH have it.

@littlebilliie this sounds interesting. Will look it up when home. Thanks for suggesting x

For me it is more about changing my expectations of what a holiday is.

When you are single or holidaying without children, you can wonder off and just enjoy yourself and relax or be out all the time. It’s all at your pace.

For me, if I’m having a holiday with children (I’ve had holidays with and without children - post children) they become a time to make memories for the children. It becomes about finding things for the children to do, for example a museum that might have a baby section or a play park. Unless it’s a large family holiday and I know I can have grown up time at a restaurant/bar and leave the kids with grandma or family. I understand that this was probably what you were trying to do with the kids club. If I’m stuck with the kids I look at an holiday as experiencing parenthood just in another country.

Yes it’s still stressful, but it’s nicer as I allow myself to accept that tantrums will happen, finding child friendly restaurants or cooking myself is less stressful. It gets more enjoyable as they get older (then you have to decide how much you can stomach them telling you “I’m bored!”).

I guess you’re building memories, as stressful as it is. To answer your question I sometimes do feel I can achieve the holiday feeling with a staycation / but it’s nice to take them abroad. Although they don’t always remember which is sometimes funny when it comes up in convo when they are abit older.

Although since I’ve had children, I only take them to countries where I have friends and family as I find it much more enjoyable. If I want to explore a city myself, then I go without kids.

I do hope you can make the most of the days left of the holidays - defo give your OH more responsibility.