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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

311 replies

Welshinlondonmum · 17/10/2025 15:21

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:15

MrsKeats · 18/10/2025 22:17

Not a popular opinion but I think having a baby when your partner was 46 is a bad idea in itself. A friend of mine had a baby with a man of 50 and he has no patience at all with their children.

My husband was 43 when my son was born and I got cancer which delayed my DD’s arrival - but thanks for suggesting age means we shouldn’t celebrate life and give my DS a much loved sibling - despite my husband just turning 47! Christ - if all my mates that chose to have kids in late 30’s or early 40’s were governed by the reproduction police we’d be in a sorry state! Kids are a blessing! He’s hardly Al Pacino 🤣

OP posts:
Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:19

Chinsupmeloves · 18/10/2025 22:28

My first reaction was knowing he's a runner to put him into a kid's club with strangers in a foreign country! Ours was so this was never an option, basically ever.

He loves kids club and is very social. So thought it would be fine given it’s supposed to be a safe kids place. This kids club is quite frankly terrible.

OP posts:
rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:23

Ha - my DH leaves that to me. I’m surprised that the OP has got so much hate for that. If I’m packing a suitcase for me why wouldn’t I put DHs pants, socks, jeans etc in? I don’t see that as incompetence, it’s just that in a relationship you do things for one another.

At any rate, I was thinking about this thread this morning. I do think a lot of the problems stem from trying to force the DS to sit / stay rather than making sitting an attractive option. High chairs are not for children who are nearly four; they just aren’t, and I’m not surprised he wouldn’t sit in it.

I know tablets and so on aren’t great and I don’t use them myself but to be honest we have only recently started to venture into the world of restaurants and eating out again and we’re a year ‘ahead’ of the OP. (DD is a bit more chill than my DS was at 2!) But I would use a tablet or phone to remove the conflict and shouting. It just makes life easier.

The Ops DS may have ADHD; it isn’t for any of us to say. Just be cautious and don’t make assumptions (on both counts) don’t assume he hasn’t but also don’t assume he has. Both are potentially damaging.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:24

MooDengOfThailand · 18/10/2025 23:35

Sounds like your DH has ADHD too.

@MooDengOfThailand my husband is not ND. If you read my other comments he was hit by a car and now suffers with panic attacks and anxiety but thanks for your one line medical assessment

OP posts:
Sickofitall92728 · 19/10/2025 10:26

Just use this as something to learn from. As much as you still want to go on holiday and have a break the reality is very different for you at the moment . You need to.adjist expectations. Some kids are easier than others but seeing as your son is such a runner , the main priority is keeping him safe. You were never going to be able to relax knowing this is what your son does. He is probably extremely over stimulated from the change of environment. I would look for earlier flights back and just come.

Diddlyumptious · 19/10/2025 10:26

Sorry you are having a hard time. When I look back on our holidays 2DS I think we were mad and it would have been better to do days out or shortbread. Good luck.

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:33

FioFioSILK · 18/10/2025 21:41

Swimming pool. Use up that energy. Plenty of food constantly to slow him down a bit. Story time for quiet down time so he can be calm. Get some snacks so not relying on meal times. Let your husband take him for an hour and show him new things etc. In a moving buggy. At this age we used to walk our son like a puppy. A backpack with reins on filled with snacks and some good shoes and he's good to go. Even if it's ADHD you still have to learn to manage him. And yourselves. It's highly heritable. So either you or DH have it.

@FioFioSILK

“Plenty of food constantly to slow him down a bit.“

sorry, don’t get this bit…how is stuffing him full of food gonna do? (Besides risk making him obese in the future, after learning to keep eating beyond satiation)

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:35

Sunnydays60 · 19/10/2025 07:39

Really? How about wording it like: "sounds like he does have ADHD, you don't have to wait for school to get a diagnosis - here are some other ways to go about it as early intervention can be so beneficial."

Shes already been to her GP who has given the advice to wait. It's not like she's ignoring it as you seem to be suggesting. She's clearly mentioned all this as she's aware of a problem and hopes for advice about her particular situation. So why finger point? What purpose does it serve? How about encouraging someone and giving them solutions instead of simply accusing them of lack of effort? That doesn't benefit anyone.

Show quote history

@Sunnydays60 100% this! Thank you x

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:36

MrsKeats · 18/10/2025 22:17

Not a popular opinion but I think having a baby when your partner was 46 is a bad idea in itself. A friend of mine had a baby with a man of 50 and he has no patience at all with their children.

@MrsKeats

some people don’t want to have kids in the twenties or thirties, they aren’t ready. And some people can’t have them in their twenties or thirties for a variety of reasons. Are you saying that these people should deprive themselves of being a parent when they reach a position for parenthood?

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:38

Thinking about it, we went on holiday July 2023, just a couple of weeks before my due date. We went to Devon which is a good four hours drive and on the way there ds (then two and a half) was fine, he slept, listened to his Tonie box, had snacks, drinks and rest stops. The way back was a different story! DH stopped for fuel after about an hour and it woke him and he was furious. We stopped and got him lunch and after that could not get him back in the car seat despite frantic attempts. Ended up putting Mr Tumble on the phone and drove back with him watching that and eating crisps. Not the parent I thought I’d be, but the parent I had to be in that moment!

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:38

Deprive themselves? Having children is not a right. Did I say that? I said this is the likely result. It’s really not that hard.

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:38

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:36

@MrsKeats

some people don’t want to have kids in the twenties or thirties, they aren’t ready. And some people can’t have them in their twenties or thirties for a variety of reasons. Are you saying that these people should deprive themselves of being a parent when they reach a position for parenthood?

Show quote history

That is what some people believe yes. Thankfully they are both stupid and dull and as such best ignored.

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:38

MooDengOfThailand · 18/10/2025 23:35

Sounds like your DH has ADHD too.

@MooDengOfThailand

what are your qualifications to makes these statements about Op‘s son and husband?

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:40

Having children is not a right invariably people who have no real problems conceiving come out with things like that.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:40

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:23

Ha - my DH leaves that to me. I’m surprised that the OP has got so much hate for that. If I’m packing a suitcase for me why wouldn’t I put DHs pants, socks, jeans etc in? I don’t see that as incompetence, it’s just that in a relationship you do things for one another.

At any rate, I was thinking about this thread this morning. I do think a lot of the problems stem from trying to force the DS to sit / stay rather than making sitting an attractive option. High chairs are not for children who are nearly four; they just aren’t, and I’m not surprised he wouldn’t sit in it.

I know tablets and so on aren’t great and I don’t use them myself but to be honest we have only recently started to venture into the world of restaurants and eating out again and we’re a year ‘ahead’ of the OP. (DD is a bit more chill than my DS was at 2!) But I would use a tablet or phone to remove the conflict and shouting. It just makes life easier.

The Ops DS may have ADHD; it isn’t for any of us to say. Just be cautious and don’t make assumptions (on both counts) don’t assume he hasn’t but also don’t assume he has. Both are potentially damaging.

Indeed @rainbowshoes

I pack! He drives everywhere as I am shit at driving. It’s give and take.

Tbh the high chair thing was how I wrote it! He hasn’t used a high chair since early 2 - it was just one of the tactics we’ve tried of the years to keep him still and safe! He hates reigns too and will just lay on ground. Since his sisters come along he’s happier to go in buggy now and again as he sees her in it and thinks ‘ohhhh I can be pushed around too’. It certainly helps on the childminder run in the double buggy! I don’t see all the hate for a 3 year old going in a buggy. Two kids at this age and it’s hard yards going from A-b

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:41

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:38

Deprive themselves? Having children is not a right. Did I say that? I said this is the likely result. It’s really not that hard.

@MrsKeats

some people want to have a life before they have kids! Work on their career, go travelling, etc etc.

Autisticburnouthell · 19/10/2025 10:42

OP you’ve had couple but not many judgy comments at all on this thread considering it Aibu board but most of your replies are combatative. I’m wondering if reading this thread is helpful for you at the moment or if its better to step away from in for now and post on sen parenting and/or relationships when you’re back from holiday.

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:43

Yes they do. And? Having a kid in year 6 when you are 57 will have consequences. That’s just maths. That’s my opinion.

Original poster
Welshinlondonmum · 19/10/2025 10:43

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:38

Thinking about it, we went on holiday July 2023, just a couple of weeks before my due date. We went to Devon which is a good four hours drive and on the way there ds (then two and a half) was fine, he slept, listened to his Tonie box, had snacks, drinks and rest stops. The way back was a different story! DH stopped for fuel after about an hour and it woke him and he was furious. We stopped and got him lunch and after that could not get him back in the car seat despite frantic attempts. Ended up putting Mr Tumble on the phone and drove back with him watching that and eating crisps. Not the parent I thought I’d be, but the parent I had to be in that moment!

@rainbowshoes solidarity!! You got through it X

OP posts:
Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:43

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:38

Deprive themselves? Having children is not a right. Did I say that? I said this is the likely result. It’s really not that hard.

@MrsKeats

oh and these kids are being taken on holiday…when you “this is the result” what result? Kids being taken on holiday - what a hardship for them…

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:46

Yes. It all sounds super fun 🙄

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:47

Ah no there’s no hate - it’s fine if it works. I was just wondering if maybe you were sort of assuming he was still a toddler. Both mine have hated the high chair, not sure why. Life’s so much easier now that’s gone for good. But I’d honestly just go with whatever works.

When he is four? My DS was really difficult at the end of 2 and right up to about 3 and 3/4. He calmed down a lot at four which is why I am wary of assuming ND. He’s (mostly) lovely now but he was so defiant, angry, rude, stroppy when he was three, it used to really upset me and think I was a terrible mum. (And MN diagnosed him with ADHD and PDA; as far as I can tell he hasn’t got either!)

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:47

The result is that older parents are often knackered. Hang it up and stop projecting.

Cherrytree86 · 19/10/2025 10:48

MrsKeats · 19/10/2025 10:46

Yes. It all sounds super fun 🙄

@MrsKeats

yeah I’m not sure OP would be finding the holiday with these kids fun if she was 25, not 40. Cos it’s not fun. She needs to save her money and go on trips with her mates while husband looks after kids and vice versa, until kids are old enough to not be such hard work on holiday!

rainbowshoes · 19/10/2025 10:48

Autisticburnouthell · 19/10/2025 10:42

OP you’ve had couple but not many judgy comments at all on this thread considering it Aibu board but most of your replies are combatative. I’m wondering if reading this thread is helpful for you at the moment or if its better to step away from in for now and post on sen parenting and/or relationships when you’re back from holiday.

She’s not been combative at all!