Holidays with young kids just not worth it? Holiday from hell incoming…

[Welshinlondonmum]

Myself (F45), DP (M47), DS (3-nearly 4) and DD (9Months) are on day 2 of 11 night holiday and I’m already at the end of my tether and wondering are holidays just not worth it with young kids?

DS just runs off and doesn’t look back. He’s always been a runner and we’ve tried everything - reigns, refuses to sit in high chair, pops out of buggy that we brought to try and contain him. This morning I’ve had to wrestle him into chair to get breakfast in him, being stared at by others disapprovingly. Eventually got so cross I shouted at him as last night he cried for 20 mins before bed he was starving - when he refused to sit down in restaurant and eat! He’s also dairy intolerant so we have to wait for his food to be made, which doesn’t help. He escaped from kids club this morning. We were thankfully sat on loungers outside, but I jumped up to chase him and slipped on wet tiles. I’ve really hurt my back as a result and can’t lift or chase him now. Already dreading a night of breastfeeding in a hotel bed when my back in agony like this.

Also livid as I booked this holiday as they take kids from 3 at kids club but they don’t lock the door. Myself or DP will have to stay with him at every session if we want to give each other a break, which I was so desperate for. Last night he escaped kids disco and can also open hotel room door from inside, so having to barricade ourselves in with suitcases as there’s no way to keep door child safe.

We’ve been on at least 8 holidays with him since he was born and this could be the worst so far! I thought with age he would calm down a bit.

DS caring and loving and generally well behaved in childcare but really pushes it when in a busy environment . I’m firm and try to have consistent boundaries, stay calm but DP has a short temper and ends up frustrated and angry. To be frank, I don’t blame him, but this just adds to overall stress. DS just doesn’t stop moving - typical boy x10. He also has a mild tic and Dr has suggested potential ADHD, but says we must wait till school to refer when he’s older. But it is challenging and we are at a loss how to do ‘normal’ things.

DD (9M) is lovely but attached to me constantly- cries minute I put her down and squirms when dad holds her. Combo feeding but she’s in with me feeding all night off and on, so sleep is lacking. I was also up till 4am packing to leave at 10.30am. I just managed a last minute bikini wax at 9am on 3hrs sleep. Husband annoyed I left this till ‘last minute’ - Plus now I’ve unpacked I’ve realised I’ve got 3 tshirts, 3 pairs of knickers and several dresses that don’t work for breastfeeding whilst I managed to pack for both kids and husbands! My clothes order and underwear currently say in next which I had no time to retrieve :(

DP and I already arguing over sons behaviour and generally sniping about how he hates the stress of holiday. But I was desperate for a break but this is far from relaxing.

DP saying he cannot cope with DS and is physically shaking from his behaviour and keeps saying he’s going to have a heart attack!! I literally feel completely overwhelmed. Both miserable!

I know people on here will say I have a DP problem but I’m literally just looking for some kind words of advice on how to deal with son right now in this All inclusive hotel that is not set up for young kids, despite the reviews to the contrary. I’m trying to salvage the holiday and not feel like a hormonal, breast feeding, frazzled mum who’s completely overwhelmed with the worry of 9 days of this! praying it all calms down soon and we find some calm! Is this possible with 2 young kids?

Thanks if you’ve read this far! Please be kind - any advice?

Not sure why everyone keeps banging on about age! Have a very active and happy life. Amazing 20’s and 30’s with some health issues that delayed babies but otherwise, no complaints! Age is completely irrelevant to the fact my son has no off switch which is the main issue I posted about tbh that has put pressure on the whole ‘holiday’ mode, plus the fact the hotel is not what it represented itself as online. Started out badly and just felt all consuming from there! We’ve done all sorts of holidays with him but as some have raised, this is a tricky age! Especially if he is ND as he’s so aware, yet pushing boundaries, tender in emotion but boisterous and wants to be ‘a big boy’ bless him. But just CANNOT control his impulses. It’s not that I didn’t anticipate some of this. But it’s like he’s turned into his most extreme self and thankfully from the comments of many of the understanding parents on here - it’s starting to make more sense! He’s under a consultant for his Tic and his childcare setting (pre school and child minders are aware) but he is literally like the perfect child with them and comes home and explodes so it could be classic ‘masking’ behaviour!

We went to turkey last year and the kids facilities were fantastic - splash park, soft play, little tikes cars, massive playground, a baby room, beach park areas - far more eating places that were not frantic buffets! son still struggled to stay in one place for long but I think as he was younger, still easier to contain his escape artist urges!

He’s now older, faster and far more aware and clever so this time round it’s far harder!

Again went to an amazing place in Dom Rep all geared up for kids but the flight just too long with 2!

Today DP took him for breakfast after we all had a lay in, divide and conquer. I entered the restaurant with DD as he was finished - DP said he was a dream - but did get bored and dart at the end. We took him to the beach which was far calmer and a small taverna for lunch where he sat for 1.5hrs albeit with his iPad and ate a solid lunch and husband now got him in the pram to attempt a nap - pray for it!! 🤣🤣

I’ve booked some of the on site restaurants for 6.30 daily so we can get in and out early. These won’t have the buffet craziness and noise and if he doesn’t want to go in, we’ve got plenty of snacks and we can just split up and person on DS duty can eat later. Or take food back to the room.

He tends to get even more frantic when worn out and he’s a random napper and has always wanted to sleep on the move (buggy, cat, Carried) so this is where the buggy may come into its own!

Genuinely grateful for all the very considered and non toxic, understand life received to good point from people who haven’t come with judgement and offered some fantastic thoughts!

thank you!! Xx

He sounds like my ds1 at that age. He used to run out of restaurants, evening entertainment venues etc and was a blooming nightmare on holiday. He was diagnosed with autism and adhd at 5. We only realised then that he ran out of these places due to sensory overload. He couldn't cope with the noise, lights, smells and crowds. Hotels were hell with him and still are so we avoid them (he is 13 now).

I think you need to eat outside if possible, avoid the crowds, try keep to routine and get ear defenders if possible.

Ohhh I feel your pain. We have done caravan holidays in the uk with our 8 year old and twin nearly 3 year old boys as I can’t face all this. Kudos to you for trying. We managed Disney Paris last year when the boys were 18 months and that was amazing but tiring- taking twins through an airport was tough. So we won’t be flying until they are at least 4 😂😂 I do hope the rest of your holiday gets better- maybe as he gets used to the complex he might settle. Never a break when you have kids is it.

My sisters are planning a big holiday abroad in about a year I said no probs as more adults to help with the kids 😂 good luck!

Now get off MN and enjoy your holiday, Op!

@Welshinlondonmum my youngest was a houdini. He now has an autism diagnosis. It's frightening. Ask the TUI rep about the room door and the kids club, see if they can help. One of you go to the kids club with him if he likes it, can you bring a book and keep an eye play centre style and sit near the door to stop him bolting? Mine wouldn't entertain a kids club so not sure how they work.

This is a hard age and hard with an ND child. It can get completely overwhelming.

Where in the world are you? If you can go into town and buy yourself some clothes and find some swings and slides. You've had some good advice about divide and conquer, order tea ahead, book restaurants, etc.

Going forward you have to think of what are the biggest issues. So the houdini thing for ex, I email hotels ahead before booking to check how the room door locks. We do tend to go S/C though as food and restaurant environments are not good for us.

Our more successful holidays now the kids are a bit older are activity ones. Like lake type holidays with towns nearby.

For your kids age abroad package type holidays in an apartment hotel as SC worked well for us. You tend to get a bit more space than a hotel room, there is usually a pool bar or something for chips or easy lunch. You have the benefit of someone cleaning the room and fresh towels etc. We don't really cook, sandwiches, crackers cheese and salad, etc. Takeaways and eat chips on the beach. Just make it easy.

You’re just parenting somewhere else when they’re this age (and sorry but you were hardly going to be full of beans after having your kids at 41 and 44!!).
For your eldest son will be used to a scooter or balance bike if he refuses the buggy?
and does your accommodation have any self catering facilities at all? Might be easier than waiting for special food to be made for him.

Sounds like you've turned a corner a bit and worked out a few strategies, I hope you can enjoy the rest of the holiday. Possibly more research on the resort next time and we've had some excellent childcare friendly hotels.

It's unfair people keeping mentioning your age because it's not like you can change that, but the reason they do is because it's far easier to handle pre-schoolers endless energy in your 20s than it is in your 40s, it's just how it is. My parents were your and your husbands ages when they became grandparents. People probably mention your age it because they could not imagine going back to running about after an active 3yr old and a baby in their 40s, it's a tough stage. There are certainly pros and cons to having children at different ages.

Honestly I think it can be more more work than being at home taking young kids abroad.

I took my daughter by myself (single mum) to Oman when she was about 18 months old. It was a lovely place but I just remember being exhausted. We lived in

When you get home write a packing list- I find mine invaluable with 3 kids under 5!

columns are: mum/ dad/ 4yoG/ 2yoB/ babyG

OP, don’t bother going on holiday as a family until the kids are older. Just a waste of money and too much stress atm. You and your husband go away for a couple of long weekends a year while the grandparents (if willing) look after the kids? Or you go with your mates for a hol while husband looks after the kids and vice versa.
@Welshinlondonmum

It does get easier as they get a bit older but maybe give yourself a couple of days to settle down and get into the holiday routine. Maybe things will settle down when everyone gets used to it and a bit more sleep. Have to say your DP needs to get a bloody grip and pull his weight. Good luck OP, hope it settles down for you.

Having not long ago from a similar holiday (where ds4 and dd2 left the hotel to go to one across the road - a service road - to a playground) I a) feel you; and b) realise security is paramount!

I’ve put YABU because it seems like you booked a holiday with what you/DH need in mind “relaxing on loungers” etc., and I think the idea of that when you have young children is unrealistic. I think you need to change your mindset to think about what your DS wants from a holiday because then it just makes it easier for everyone.

I have to say that we just didn't bother, and we only had one DC, but having said that we do live in Cornwall so did lots of holiday things.

When DS was 3 we went on a two week holiday to France and I can honestly say I was about 100 times more stressed at the end of it than I was at the beginning. We tried again when DS was about 6 and it was a bit better, but we didn't really begin to enjoy holidays until DS was about 9

Cue someone diagnosing your kids with ADHD or autism....

Do you think you might be ‘babying’ your DS a bit? I don’t mean that to sound horrible, but we are a year ahead of you - my DS is nearly five and we have a just turned two year old (in the same age as you as well!)

Honestly, the idea of this time last year ds being in a buggy or a high chair or using reins would not have crossed my mind. I guess I’m wondering that if he’s always contained or attempted to be he’s always got something to battle against, to me those things are very much things that are slowly phased out at 2, not for a nearly four year old.

We're just got back from Malta with a 4 and 1 year old and I wouldn't call it a holiday. I didn't have 1 hour to myself as we sort of had a child each. I think until the children are older holidays are more for them than us. So I went into it not expecting too much. I found a kids club that would allow you to leave a child from 4 (most are 5) but my daughter didn't like it.
Next year we're stopping in the UK and doing a camping holiday.

My gp also told us the school has to refer until I was told otherwise by the autism assessment team once we were finally diagnosed. Pls don’t wait for school push for assessment yourself. It could save you years in waiting.

I don’t know where the ‘relaxing on loungers’ assumption came from that was the holiday we envisaged. I never said this in the original post, aside to say we sat outside the kids club on loungers because the door wouldn’t lock! What I envisaged was some quality time with my family - however the stress of dealing with my DS escape artist, running at every turn and generally being a full on child that can’t sit still and the packing etc, my question was is a holiday with young kids worth it! Everyone is assuming I wanted to lay on a sunbed. Yes for maybe an hour when I planned for DS to go to kids club! We have always done lots of play, swimming, games etc with him on holidays. But his physicality is relentless. Thankfully we’ve managed some calm time on the beach today so far.

OP holidays at 2-3 yrs old mark were completely hourrendous even in the nicest 5* settings. But it gets easier, I promise.

This is true. I was referred by the HV.

Holidays with small children are just a case of same shit, different place - without all your usual equipment / setup that you’d have at home to make life easier. We self-catered in the UK for years (we also had food allergies to deal with) - you’re control of the food, you have a lot more space than just a hotel room, and you can pack up the car with all the conveniences that make life easier. Have you considered CenterParcs or similar?

Respectfully this entirely depends on the child. I've had a child exactly as you describe. And another who needs these things until much older to be safe. My youngest's autism diagnosis came at primary school. He is no more autistic after diagnosis than before. What changed is people starting to realise we did things differently because we needed to. We had all these kind of comments in the toddler years especially and it's horrendous.

OP is best placed to decide what her child needs.

I can completely see that if a child has additional needs the last thing I would want is to make a parent in this position feel rubbish. I guess I was just wondering because additional needs don’t seem to be a given here and while I know it’s a possibility I would be wary of assuming. I know my own DS was a bit of a nightmare aged 2-3!

Oh I company understand all of this.
We have just come back from 10 nights in Majorca. Whilst it was great to be together as a family it was HARD. My DDs are 5 & 3 and they were fab. 5 y/o spent all her time in the pool 3 y/o loves to relax on a lounger and people watch. But my DS is 2 and he was absolutely wild. Ran everywhere, slipped on the tiles so many times. He would never fully settle doing one thing e.g. he would want to go in the pool but he would be out after 5 mins then want back in... repeat 40x.
He refused to go in a highchair for meals and insisted he sat on my knee. Wouldn't let me go anywhere alone. Constantly ran away at the entertainment at night. Parts of it were a living nightmare but there were moments of joy and great memories.

My only advice is to ignore onlookers. Unless their feeding the baby or chasing your son around they can bog off. We have all been there so they can just remind themselves of that before shooting judgemental looks.

Could you speak with the restaurant and prebook his meal so its on the table for arriving?

Kids club security needs addressing urgently. It doesn't bear thinking about what might have happened if you weren't nearby!

Focus on things your little one enjoys and engages with. Holidays can be really overwhelming for children (and adults!) His brain is maybe ping ponging around with all the fun and stimulation that his body is just doing what it needs to do to regulate that.
Is there an open space you can take him to so he can run wild?!

My husband is much the same as yours, it worked best for me to put his feelings in a box at the back of my brain and focus on the kids. Worrying about his feelings isnt on your to-do list. He is an adult and needs to address them himself.

I really hope in a few days time everything will calm down and the excitement and adrenaline wears off a bit for you to have an enjoyable time!
Good luck! X