Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

[JanineR]

We are having a micro wedding with only 3 people at the twin hall wedding ceremony (2 family members from my side, 1 from my fiancé’s side). We are inviting 6 people apart from us to the wedding reception meal, all paid for by us of course. My MIL and SIL are upset over not being at the ceremony. We didn’t intentionally exclude them, but we chose another family member from his family who are are both much closer to. The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. His family are of course blaming me for everything. Are we in the wrong?

This is so far fetched - you need to check this. I've seen rooms up to 10 never one that's only 3?!?!

Your wedding, your choice. Period.
If they have not been welcoming to you then it's on them, not you.
Have a wonderful wedding day!

Imagine you had a son and he did this, would you be happy?

I would be heartbroken that he/you had chosen an Aunt over me.

It fully depends on the parish priest, some will happily marry non Catholics others won’t.

My db and sil had to get married in a Methodist church because our parish priest refused to marry them unless sil converted, he was a notorious prick, he also refused to baptise my neice because sil wasn’t catholic.

I again you had a son you allowed to be abused then had the nerve to get upset that he chose his aunt who took him in and protected him over the mother who didn’t!

Apologies, I hadn't read the whole thread. Apologies OP. It is entirely up to your DH to be whether he invites his Mum or his Aunt under those circumstances, but he should be the one expaining it.

Same old, same old. Always the woman's fault.

I suppose it's a convenient 'out' from examining what might have gone wrong in your own family dynamic (generic), and the part you might have played in it. It's an easy disclaimer of responsibility.

“Abuse “ it’s a bit like “trauma “ chucked about and never defined so those serious words cease to have value. Do you mean abuse or would disagreement or personality clash be more like it?

I hate this because I was abused and have trauma, so much so that I have DID. Do you believe anyone?

If it’s anything like our registry office, they’re really strict on numbers. Ours only allows the two witnesses and that is it, no negotiation.

Oh gosh. As someone who was 1) once called by her mother and shouted at and asked if I wanted the adoption papers. For one of my brothers!! And 2) that brother is not planning to invite our mother to his wedding.

I get this.

and yes it breaks my heart. However some mothers just don’t see they have a part to play in not falling into the #1 slot because of their behaviour. And that is on them.

yes it sounds like the groom should have managed comms better here but its done and it is his choice.
one of many more that will no doubt expose the damage in the mother son relationship.

OP. Have a wonderful wedding and best of luck with marriage. May you be the end of this and live life differently to how his family of origin has worked out.

You've made a terrible decision. If you have a very small family surely you would want to expand that family. Are you going to exclude his family if you have a child? I feel sorry for your new husband.

Yes, l believe you. Bless you and wish you well. You have the right to those words because you are using them correctly. Others on here think any mild upset is abuse, and not getting what they want is trauma.

I've never heard the phrase 'micro-wedding'. Is it something different from an actual wedding?

Pretty sure I did. The two mothers could have been invited and their respective sisters could have been ditched. I suspect OP manipulated her fiance to ditch his own mum and sister. I hope her fiance comes to his senses before it's too late.

So, you just choose not to acknowledge the ones about the abuse and the history then?

And discount the multiple posts suggesting the opposite to your otherwise unfounded suspicions?

To me it feels very cruel to not invite your MIL and SIL yet you invite one aunt in their place when you have invited your DM and DS. I’d be devastated if I was not invited to my sons wedding