Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

[JanineR]

We are having a micro wedding with only 3 people at the twin hall wedding ceremony (2 family members from my side, 1 from my fiancé’s side). We are inviting 6 people apart from us to the wedding reception meal, all paid for by us of course. My MIL and SIL are upset over not being at the ceremony. We didn’t intentionally exclude them, but we chose another family member from his family who are are both much closer to. The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. His family are of course blaming me for everything. Are we in the wrong?

Unless you are not worried about causing major offence, if your mum is going your mil should be going too.
My sibling didn't invite me or my parents but their witnesses were one friend each, no one else.

I agree and I tried to be honest. I was willling to put everything aside and have her as the witness but she didn’t agree anymore. She is invited to the reception, just not the ceremony. We planned to read our vows fully at the reception instead so everybody would be included. She wasn’t excluded intentionally. The biggest reason why we chose the smaller ceremony room was cost related.

Just re-read the OP and it seems she may have indeed pressured him.

Still should've been down to him to invite who he wanted but if the exclusion of his mum and his sister was down to OP's pressure then actually they're not wrong to blame her.

My DD and SIL could only have two witnesses at their wedding due to COVID restrictions, their siblings came and met us outside to get photographs and be involved in some way. I can’t imagine excluding family on such a special day, how mean spirited.

Then surely it’s obvious to you why his mum and sister are upset.

His aunt that he and I are both very close to is coming.

Then you're unreasonable.

I think it's very cutting to leave out the mother and sister of the groom. I wonder if perhaps this is a sort of payback for what you perceive to be unfair treatment towards you?

I don't understand, you invited your Mum and Sister, but he wasn't allowed to invite his? You see how unreasonable this is?

You need to rectify this, it's 2 more people, I can totally see why his Mum and Sister are upset. I would be devastated.

They are invited to the reception and everything else, it’s just the signing of papers that they are not invited to.

Ooh, OP, think very carefully about the possible consequences of this decision. I suspect that your MIL may take a long time to forgive you from excluding her from her son's wedding, if she ever does. I forsee problems ahead, low level animosity towards you in the years to come.

Just so hurtful. What were you both thinking?

Oh dear - this is not going to end well. Unless he’s fallen out with his mother you should not have excluded his mum and sister and invited his aunt.

That's even worse.

YABU to invite his aunt but not his mum and sister, if you are in contact with them.

What does your DP think?

Only 3 people are allowed to the ceremony room unfortunately. The larger ceremony room is much more expensive. It was his choice to invite his aunt instead, not mine.

She's your husbands mother.
Of course she should come.

Ouch, this is why I dislike the fact I’ll only ever be a MIL as I have sons.

Of course she is going to be upset! You have invited your mother and sister yet excluded his mother! I wouldn’t forgive you for that if I was her.

Only three people allowed into the room?? That is bizarre - is it a cupboard??

I think the important question is what is your partners take on this and how does he feel about his mum and his sister.

This isn’t just your wedding it is his wedding too and even if you don’t particularly like them he deserves to have his close family there if that’s what he wants.

Why don't you invite both mothers, and not have the sisters. Then you are even

It was his choice. I suggested getting married later on so we could have a larger ceremony and save up but he insisted on getting married in the smaller ceremony room. The problem is I am being blamed for everything. I’m not in contact with them hence why she wasn’t at the top of my mind when we invited our witnesses, but I of course wanted to include her at the reception.

His mother will be very hurt by this. If you could only have had three people you should just have invited your mums and no one else.

So starting your married life together by alienating your dh’s family. Not the wisest move…

Ok well disinvite your sister and invite his mum then