Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

[JanineR]

We are having a micro wedding with only 3 people at the twin hall wedding ceremony (2 family members from my side, 1 from my fiancé’s side). We are inviting 6 people apart from us to the wedding reception meal, all paid for by us of course. My MIL and SIL are upset over not being at the ceremony. We didn’t intentionally exclude them, but we chose another family member from his family who are are both much closer to. The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. His family are of course blaming me for everything. Are we in the wrong?

I personally think it’s shockingly sad not to invite his mum.

I guess they exclude you because they don’t like you and you have just shown them - they were right?
anyway this says more about your fiancé than you and as long as you don’t want/need anything from them going forwards your day your rules.. just hope it doesn’t backfire!

This is so wrong, how could you invite your mam and sister and not include your MIL and SIL so unfair and a terrible start to a marriage. This will have a massive effect upon your life going forward and will backfire on you.

So your mum and sister were at the top of your mind but your fiancé’s never registered with either of you? Yeah right. You both excluded them intentionally. Both of you were mean, two immediate family members would have made little difference to your micro wedding.

If your mum and sibling are invited then so should his mum and sibling(s)

Don’t blame them for being upset. Is this a reverse? Stop being so bloody tight and precious, invite his Mother to his wedding. Honestly some people are so weird.

You’re getting a hard time but the reality is by hand picking family for the ceremony you’ve brought drama into your special day where there didn’t need to be any. For a tiny ceremony you could have invited close friends only and then had a brief lunch with family afterwards. It’s the selecting the “special” family members for the ceremony that’s created the drama for you.

Crikey ☹️

Well then yes, it’s wrong, it’s a pretty unforgivable thing to do, and it sets up your marriage as one where your husband’s family are hurt terribly from the beginning. Why do that ?

In which case why wasn’t that the arrangement from the start ? Of course she won’t come now, you have made it clear you don’t care about her feelings or her place in the family.

Dear OP’s husband to be, RUN!!!

First OP I hope your wedding is a happy occasion and you and your husband have a long and contented life together.
It seems from what you have told us about previous relationships between your DP and his mother and her attitude towards you that no matter how you handled the situation you couldn’t please her. It is easier to blame you than to accept that her son has genuine reasons to feel she failed him and that their relationship has broken down.
Your DP needs to tell his mother that he is responsible for the choice of witness and that she shouldn’t blame you. If it is too hard to get through to her verbally a short note would do. The reassure her that she will be a welcome guest at the important part of the wedding once the formalities have been seen to and that she will be mother of the groom at the planned blessing ceremony.
Good luck.

How bloody rude and uncaring.

May none of my 3 boys find a girl like you!

On the front of it, yes it looks cruel.

But Families are complicated and complex, and if it's not just agiven they are automatically invited there must be a lot more to it.

Both parents are priority to be at the wedding of theor DC, unless of course certain extreme circumstances. You don't invite one without the other. If not close and they don't come then at least you've done the right thing.

It doesn’t sound like you can even afford to get married. Get married properly or don’t bother. Nobody has a church do two years after their wedding, who does that.

I don't think YABU if she's been abusive. But also you should have seen this fallout coming a mile off if you invited your DM and DS to the ceremony and not his.

I mean you've invited them to the reception, I would have definitely anticipated that they would be pissed at the snub, especially if they have form, and it would make the wedding day awkward.

How did you expect them to react?

And yet the exchanging of vows is the most important part of a wedding, the words spoken in a wedding ceremony are legally binding

Yes you are being unreasonable . Very much so.

I’ve had a couple of glasses of wine. But…. As a mother of 2 boys I find it so sad that all of you, MIL haters, feel that the mother in law is so horrible. Like the wicked step mother of fairy tails. She didn’t wake up every morning thinking how can I piss him or you off. More likely she has spent the last 20 to 30 years raising a human you obviously love. Give her a break. She wants desperately to be part of his and your life. I wish all of you only boys. You will love them desperately, and if karma is a thing they will find a daughter DIL just like you.

This attitude is madness. The marriage ceremony is the most important part because it is the actual wedding. The rest is just fluff.

I think you need to book the bigger room and make sure you invite close family on both sides.

I can't believe that you didn't see this coming. Any later ceremony is not a wedding, it's at most a renewal of vows.

Are mothers of daughters never MILs?

It's your choice but aren't you setting yourselves up for difficult relationships with his mum and sister?

Wow! So your mum and sister can attend but his mum and sister can’t!!! I’m not surprised they are upset! Just plain nastiness!