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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

492 replies

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:18

We are having a micro wedding with only 3 people at the twin hall wedding ceremony (2 family members from my side, 1 from my fiancé’s side). We are inviting 6 people apart from us to the wedding reception meal, all paid for by us of course. My MIL and SIL are upset over not being at the ceremony. We didn’t intentionally exclude them, but we chose another family member from his family who are are both much closer to. The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. His family are of course blaming me for everything. Are we in the wrong?

OP posts:
ShanghaiDiva · 17/10/2025 15:19

Is your mum going to be there?

NotMyDayJob · 17/10/2025 15:20

You’re not being unreasonable to invite whoever you want to your wedding but unless there is a massive back story (more than you’ve put here; it’s not clear what you mean by excluded) not inviting your mum to your wedding (as your fiancé has done) is a bold statement

Member984815 · 17/10/2025 15:20

If your parents are there then I can see why she was upset

NellieElephantine · 17/10/2025 15:21

So when you say my MIL from our wedding, your soon to be DH would write, 'exclude my mum from our wedding'? Why do you get 2 attendees he gets one?

Lavender14 · 17/10/2025 15:22

I think you each should have picked one person at that rate tbh. Ultimately your day your rules but you can't expect people not to be disappointed they didn't get to share that moment with you.

I do think it depends on who the 3 people were and I think there's something in the way you've worded "She wasn't at the top of my mind" that's throwing me as it reads like your DF suggested it and you vetoed it? What was the actual set up and who was invited to each part?

Girlmom35 · 17/10/2025 15:22

Unless you and your husband are No Contact with his immediate family (parents and siblings), it's incredibly reasonable for them to expect to be invited.
You may have your reasons not to, but they have every right to be upset about it.
It's not like you're being restricted by how many people you can invite. You can have more than a handfull of guests. If it's a financial issue, you could have told them that your budget is low and to contribute for their own meal. You've chosen not to even try.

Untailored · 17/10/2025 15:22

Sort of depends who the family members are.

I appreciate you don’t get on with them but this just gives them ammunition. Maybe now is the time to build bridges.

KurtansFringe · 17/10/2025 15:23

I think that is unnecessarily unkind to be honest. Didn't she have a role in his upbringing? And his sister? It's very mean to not invite close family.
I would feel very sad to be excluded in that situation.

Unescorted · 17/10/2025 15:23

Absolutely invite who you want, but it is bold to not invite the parent of a child to a significant family event. We had a small wedding with all parents and siblings. It would have been very rude with long term consequences if we hadn't.

Original poster
JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:23

ShanghaiDiva · 17/10/2025 15:19

Is your mum going to be there?

Yes. I have a very small immediate family, only my mum and sister, hence why they were invited.

OP posts:
ScrewyouJonathon · 17/10/2025 15:24

I’m would be gutted not to be invited to my Sons wedding especially as other family members are there.

gannett · 17/10/2025 15:24

Surely the decision on which of his family members to invite was his choice, not yours?

He's entitled to invite who he wants from his side - I assume you didn't pressure him and I assume he had his reasons. They are unreasonable to blame you - if they have a problem they should take it up with him.

Unescorted · 17/10/2025 15:26

Switch that invite list around - your husband to be can invite his mum and sister and your mum is excluded.... ouch.

Girlmom35 · 17/10/2025 15:26

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:23

Yes. I have a very small immediate family, only my mum and sister, hence why they were invited.

Show quote history

So what you're saying is that 100% of your immediate family was invited, and what... 30% of his immediate family was invited?
And because his mum and sister weren't at the top of your mind, they weren't invited?
They're not supposed to be your first choice. Out of respect for your fiancé, you make room for his family. Unless he didn't want to.

DaphneduM · 17/10/2025 15:26

Very ill-advised on your part, and also very immature behaviour. I'm not surprised they're upset. Weddings are not a time for point-scoring and revenge at perceived slights. Also what about your fiancee - is he that weak that he lets you ride roughshod over his family?

Stoufer · 17/10/2025 15:26

I don’t really understand this. Surely there is not a cost implication to having an extra couple of people there at the actual wedding? I would be so upset to be excluded from my son’s actual wedding - i would struggle to get over this, and would be deeply upset. Is this really what you want to start your married life with? Major conflict with your dh’s family?

Snorlaxo · 17/10/2025 15:27

I think the norms would be if for example, your mum was there then his mum would be there too and there would be equal numbers for both sides (including any mutual friends who might make the cut)

We don’t know the ins and outs of your family so that might be impossible/not appropriate. Based on the fact that your husband to be hasn’t invited his mum and sister, he is the one who should explain his reasoning (at least to protect you from the accusation that you alone have banned them which I assume isn’t the case)

Danioyellow · 17/10/2025 15:27

Is this a joke. Your mum and sister are coming, his mum and sister is not allowed? And from the way you worded it, you chose the one person he was allowed to invite to his own wedding? I can practically guarantee this is NOT the wedding he would have chosen for himself

NotMyDayJob · 17/10/2025 15:27

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:23

Yes. I have a very small immediate family, only my mum and sister, hence why they were invited.

Show quote history

I have a very small family (DM and two siblings) but I didn’t say to my now husband, I don’t have a dad so yours can’t come to the wedding, just as he didn’t say to me, I’m an only child so your siblings can’t come either

TheLarkAscendingRose · 17/10/2025 15:27

JanineR · 17/10/2025 15:23

Yes. I have a very small immediate family, only my mum and sister, hence why they were invited.

Show quote history

YABU. It's her son

sweeneytoddsrazor · 17/10/2025 15:27

Well yes if your Mum and Sister are going to be there then I would have thought his should be as well. This is a very big decision and your relationship will never recover from it.

thebear1 · 17/10/2025 15:28

Yes, if your Mum and Sister are invited then so should your partners. Unless there has been a significant falling out.

CeciliaMars · 17/10/2025 15:28

I can see why they’re upset. Not a great start to family relations…

Neverflyingagain · 17/10/2025 15:28

So if your immediate family i.e. parents/siblings were invited, your fiance's parents and siblings should be invited too*. If that makes things uneven, tough. Unless you are scrupulously fair and treat both sides the same, this will be dragged up in every tiff for years to come.

*Unless, of course, you've not told us that your fiancé is no contact with his family and has just his best pal coming along to sign the register. Which would change things quite a bit.

Showerflowers · 17/10/2025 15:28

I’d be totally heartbroken if my son did this to me

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