Are we wrong for not inviting my MIL and SIL to our micro wedding ceremony?

[JanineR]

We are having a micro wedding with only 3 people at the twin hall wedding ceremony (2 family members from my side, 1 from my fiancé’s side). We are inviting 6 people apart from us to the wedding reception meal, all paid for by us of course. My MIL and SIL are upset over not being at the ceremony. We didn’t intentionally exclude them, but we chose another family member from his family who are are both much closer to. The rest of my fiancé’s family have never been particularly close welcoming to me and I WS always excluded during Christmas and other occasions. That’s probably why his MIL wasn’t at the top of my mind when we were choosing witnesses for the wedding ceremony. His family are of course blaming me for everything. Are we in the wrong?

I absolutely agree. As I said in my previous reply it was his choice, but I am being blamed for it by his family.

It may be more expensive but for the sake of your marriage and your husband to be's family relationship you may just have to suck it up & make cost savings elsewhere. Alternatively sack your sister off and invite MIL.

Do you have any DC yourself? Can you imagine how devastated you would be to be excluded from their wedding?

If it was his choice, then fair game maybe they should of treated you better beforehand.

Exactly!

This is so bizarre. If I’m honest, my biggest fear is that my DS will have a relationship with the kind of person who has grievances and grudges and is manipulative around events like this. Why can’t your 8 meal guests go to the registry office and witness the wedding? Why have it emotionally charged and complex and dramatic like this?
I would be devastated if my son invited my sister and not me to his wedding!

I tried to do that and reconcile privatelly but she is refusing to come.

Is he being a coward and not telling his mum that all this was his decision?

If he won’t make change his mind he at least needs to tell his mum that all this was his choice.

How tiny is this room.

You don't think having the meal with them afterwards is going to rub their noses in the fact that they weren't at the ceremony. Most people I know who have the really small wedding where you can only have witnesses tend to have friends (or strangers from the street!) and then meet up with family afterwards

Then you invite both Mums and the aunt you're close to, the siblings join afterwards. It is the only fair way to do it. You really need to change this up.

It wasn’t fully my choice. I suggested getting married later on so we could save up and invite everybody.

I would be more than okay with that arrangement, but she is refusing to come.

you haven’t invited them to the only part which actually matters!

Has he told them it was his choice.

Will you always have issues around his family, and will you always get the blame (even if not your fault). Wouldn't get married if that is the case

..sounds like the damage is already done. Oh dear. Doesn’t really bode well for you going forward…

Only 3 people are allowed for attend apart from bride and groom, that’s what we were told.

@JanineR do you have any say in your relationship?

Pathetically short sighted

Bloody hell @JanineR I am a MIL and adore both of my DIL.

I think what you are doing is the best possible way to ensure the continued estrangement and lack of inclusion from his family.

Is that your goal?

I'd struggle to look at you tbh.

For those asking about how big the room is, the cheapest wedding offer usually limits guests to minimum required for witnesses, it's not necessarily the actual size of the room that is the limiting factor

This is an absolute dick move by your partner and you should be ashamed of condoning it.

Yes he did but they have a history for blaming be for all sorts of stuff, like him not coming over etc. There are deeper issues that caused this (abuse in the family) prior to when he met me.

So you invited your own mum and sister but not your husband to be's? Not surprised they are upset!! Cutting your own mother out your wedding when there is no reason to is just dam right nasty. You invite his mother over your sister, quite simple. Your sister and his sister can join the meal afterwards.

If this was my sibling and they did this to my mum I'd want nothing more to do with them. Not the best way to start your married life.

i have seen posts on here talking about really cheap wedding ceremonies at a register office? I don’t really understand this at all - how much is the cupboard-room, and how much is a bigger room?