To of lost it with DH

[HP200]

So back story DH and I both work him 5 days and me 4, we both get up at the same time. DH gets up and goes straight to work I do washing, walk dogs, tidy, kids lunch boxes etc and we walk in the door in the evening within 5 mins of each other. My ‘day’ off extra I go food shopping and do the house work and often move this day around to attend appointments for my SEN child.
DH loads the dishwasher and I do maybe 95% of cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing.
i was late home last night due to a hospital appointment and DH was cooking and had the hump so asked what was up, apparently I didn’t thank him for putting the bins out for me the day before. This is the second time in 7 years he has done this so I have done it every single other week. I pointed out in that case he owes me hundreds of thank yous and he doesn’t get a round of applause for actually doing something that is not ‘my job’ and he lives here too. I was then told I was moody and nasty so we spent the night in silence- AIBU for my response as he texted this morning to say that I was?

Absolutely YANBU. He can’t expect a thank you if he never says thank you to you! And as you rightly point out, you both live in the house so are both responsible for all the jobs, not just you!

He didn’t put the bin out for you…he did it for the household.
Ask him if you can swap roles, he’s getting a good deal isn’t he.

Your 'd' h is a knobhead. How dare he expect you to thank him when he doesn't thank you when you do the same job, week in, week out.
I'd be writing down the list of every single job I do that he never thanks me for and then see what the twat has to say.
It's nice to be appreciated, but it works both ways.

Doesnt sound like 'losing it' to me

Come round here if you want to see someone losing their shit with a man child.

Sounds as if he’s miserable and unfortunately deciding to pick a fight and make you miserable too? Not ok.

putting the bins out for me
😂😂😂
Your bins are they?
Tell him to get a grip!

YABVU for putting up with this shit.

Why are you being a mug?

He sees you as the “mum” of the household. Ick.

May this kind of love never find me 🙏

(No of course you're not being unreasonable, you're not the maid!)

Why are you putting up with this? Time to go on strike...

He only put the bins out that doesn’t need a thank you maybe a sarcastic slow clap for finally realising that he has a working pair of arms and legs and knows how to put the bins out who did he think did it every other week the bin fairy. tell him to get a grip and stop whinging about the lack of a thank you for doing something that he only does once in a blue moon bloody baby.

That’s how I feel most of the time- like I have an extra child as the whole mental load of pets, kids, Christmas, birthdays etc falls directly onto me. He will often point out my extra ‘day off’ but it’s not a day off it’s catching up with housework, washing, stripping beds etc and I literally don’t stop. I plan every dinner and meal so couldn’t raise a round of applause for putting the bins out for the second time

My ex was the same. He wasn't a true partner, more like a grumpy lodger who complained if any demands were made on him. I should have split up sooner.

Why is your split of chores so unbalanced? Especially in the mornings? Would he be violent if you suggested he do his share? Or do you enjoy doing everything?

I'd be making a list of everything you do that he doesn't thank you for and asking him if he thinks he's being unreasonable. Maybe ask him if he'd like a gold star every time like a child.

A proper word needs to be had though OP, you can't keep doing everything and then managing a man child on top

I would have lost it a long time ago OP.
I’ve had cause to tell my DH I’m not an employee (housework related) and if he wants to live with me and doesn’t like the things I do or don’t do then he can make a different decision re living with me.
You need to be the one getting angry/stern. And sulking is not ok.
What does he do for your child?

you could also get this card for his next birthday, haha.

Seriously OP - your H needs a reality check.

There’s absolutely no question that YANBU. But you would be unreasonable to carry on as you are.

Why are you doing 95%? He’s got it very easy so is unlikely to suddenly change that. But you can stop doing the things that only benefit him. No need for an exploding row about it, just stop doing them quietly. He’s stopped, hasn’t he? Assume he never actually started doing them but same thing!

Some ideas:
Stop all washing that belongs to him.
Don’t buy his toiletries.
On that fifth day when you’ve done everything for the family, you and your children eat early and get a board game/film/whatever going. He can sort himself. Just shrug.
Absolutely NO buying his family or friends any xmas, birthday etc presents. No cards. No reminding him either.

These won’t make 45%. But they’ll take a bit off which is a start.

Draw up a chore chart and tell him you're picking up an extra shift on that day so here is his list of 50% of the household tasks that need doing.

Or spam him with memes about shit men and a link to the zach watson mental load insta page.

Exactly what PP says - stop doing any chores that relate only to him. If mine was like this his clothes would not make it into the washing machine. I have also insisted mine deals with most of the gifts on his side.

Starter for 10 to reply to DH.

To have lost it

No yanbu. Use this as an opportunity to sit down and have a discussion about splitting household tasks more fairly.

OMG 😲 you couldn't be more unreasonable if you tried!!

Stop doing anything for him, it may seem daft to just do your own laundry etc but it sounds like it’s the only way for him to realise how much you do.
Tell him you aren’t doing presents for his side of the family, planning, shopping, cooking or clearing up his meals etc etc.