To of lost it with DH

[HP200]

So back story DH and I both work him 5 days and me 4, we both get up at the same time. DH gets up and goes straight to work I do washing, walk dogs, tidy, kids lunch boxes etc and we walk in the door in the evening within 5 mins of each other. My ‘day’ off extra I go food shopping and do the house work and often move this day around to attend appointments for my SEN child.
DH loads the dishwasher and I do maybe 95% of cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing.
i was late home last night due to a hospital appointment and DH was cooking and had the hump so asked what was up, apparently I didn’t thank him for putting the bins out for me the day before. This is the second time in 7 years he has done this so I have done it every single other week. I pointed out in that case he owes me hundreds of thank yous and he doesn’t get a round of applause for actually doing something that is not ‘my job’ and he lives here too. I was then told I was moody and nasty so we spent the night in silence- AIBU for my response as he texted this morning to say that I was?

This is social media, not an official paper, so please relax.

Says more about you than the OP that you didn't read it tbh! Just think it's a shame that you focussed on that rather than helping the OP.

I am genuinely interested as to why you have enabled this behaviour for so long. He’s clearly a lazy shit but you’ve allowed this to happen.

YANBU and this is a hill I'd die on tbh. You're doing far far too much. What is he doing with his evenings while you're doing dinner etc? He needs to actually start participating in the house he lives in.

The poor love. He had to put out the bins AND cook! He is unreasonable not you.

And silent treatment is a form of abuse you know! It’s fine to argue but not to carry it on to punish you like he is.

Yes same with the mornings. Why does he get to just sort himself out and you do everything?

@Happyjoe , but some posters won't bother to open the thread because of the whopper of an error in the title.

Yes of course blame the woman 👏

Maybe because she’s been too busy actually doing all the shit he should be doing, that she can’t add on being his mother too!

My DH is like this! When I go away he’ll do the washing up, put the hoover round etc. When I’m here - he’ll help cook dinner, make me hot drinks. However, if I haven’t “noticed” his efforts within 10 minutes of walking in the door, he’ll tell me exactly what he’s done and expect a thank you which I’ll give him through gritted teeth!
I won’t say it gets better with time because we’ve been married over 40 years and although it has improved, he use to tell me as soon as I walked in the door, it still grates!

Sit him down and try to talk to him rationally about restructuring the chores and who does what. Explain to him you can't keep doing so much. I don't think you will get vert far because he is used to the current structure and it favours him but still try. I suggest marriage counselling 💔

You might have a lot of unexpected visitors over this weekend @soupyspoon so stock up some biscuits

You are allowing this to happen. Time to make big changes.

I know. Unbelievable.

@HP200I am enraged on your behalf!

He Is so shockingly unreasonable that words fail me. Take this ungrateful man child to task immediately.

I cannot believe the ineptitude of some men; my teen son contributes more to the household and certainly doesn’t stand around waiting for applause.

Yes, you are absolutely right.
The title itself made me enraged.

However, OP, YANBU at all. I don't understand why feel you ought to put up with such shit from this man??
Who DOES he think he is? Is the sun shining out of his arse??
My husband is 75 and doing absolutely what he can (also heavy work I wouldn't do, btw). I cannot imagine him saying he did something in the house "for me". I don't use this either.
Lastly, if you can practically and emotionally split up, I would go for it and live by myself.

It's snobbery.

Why are men like this? Why do they think that there one job they have done, often really badly, is so much more valuable than anything else a woman has done? My STBXH has stonewalled me for two weeks because I asked for more help around the house. It just makes leaving him easier.

Good grief. 40 years. I wouldn't tolerate 40 minutes. Seriously.
I'm 65, been married for nearly 40 years to a man who is an immigrant from a culture where women are second class. You know what? In all these years he has not only shared domestic tasks, but initiated them. Why? When we first got together we decided how we were going to live and I made it clear that I was not going to be the skivvy!
He agreed. We have shared responsibilities.
We've been very happy, because we have both actively contributed to a good marriage and raising children with a similar outlook!

I honestly didn't realise it was so bad until I read all these stories on MN.

This is what we do when my DH tries anything like that. Hasn’t happened for a very long time- teenagers taking the piss out of you seems to make an impact.

Dont make lists, waste of your time. Woman up, do the jobs that need to be done for your family and nothing else. Once you’re both home it’s equal responsibility. To ‘help’ him realise how much needs to be done, identify two jobs every time you need to start one and ask him if he’d rather cook dinner or hang out the washing? Bath time or tidy the toys? Feed cat or put bins out? Eventually he should realise these household jobs need to be done without being allocated. And if he doesn’t, bin him because he is not prepared to be an equal partner in your relationship.

I would tell him your Fridays at home are for child-related stuff and that in future he’s going to be doing half of the housework. Write a list of everything you do and make a timetable with jobs for each evening. If he doesn’t like it, point out you’ve been doing this for X years, without thanks and it’s time he got off his arse.

Actually, it isn't.

I can't pile on you because there's only one of me but had you bothered to read the thread you would of (sic 😉) seen others had already made a similar comment. However mostly in a far more polite way.
HTH 😘

ODFOD.

A minor correction is one thing, but to actually conjugate the verb in full? Unbelievable.

Plus you made a typo in your first line when you omitted “to” - should read “I couldn’t bring myself TO read”. Glass houses, matey….

This is where women should get ANGRY. How DARE HE?

I just despair at these 'men children'. 🙄

It's utterly enraging when a DP/DH says they've done a chore '...for you'... 😡fuck off with that shit....you've made equal mess so you can equally clear up. 🙄