To of lost it with DH

[HP200]

So back story DH and I both work him 5 days and me 4, we both get up at the same time. DH gets up and goes straight to work I do washing, walk dogs, tidy, kids lunch boxes etc and we walk in the door in the evening within 5 mins of each other. My ‘day’ off extra I go food shopping and do the house work and often move this day around to attend appointments for my SEN child.
DH loads the dishwasher and I do maybe 95% of cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing.
i was late home last night due to a hospital appointment and DH was cooking and had the hump so asked what was up, apparently I didn’t thank him for putting the bins out for me the day before. This is the second time in 7 years he has done this so I have done it every single other week. I pointed out in that case he owes me hundreds of thank yous and he doesn’t get a round of applause for actually doing something that is not ‘my job’ and he lives here too. I was then told I was moody and nasty so we spent the night in silence- AIBU for my response as he texted this morning to say that I was?

Sorry OP but if my DH expected a round of applause for putting the bins out, I'd have laughed in his face! That is absolutely ridiculous 🙄 it's not 'your' job to do it, it's a household job that anyone can see needs doing and just do it. Maybe you should sit down with him and make a list of all household chores and divide them equally?

Was this the case from the very beginning? Did he do nothing at home?

I was going to say this.

Tell him you are going to work 5 days per week from now on, so all chores must be split 50/50, and give him a list of EVERYTHING you do, with a new rota that shows them now split in half.

Also ask him, if the bins are now yours, where is he putting his rubbish? Should he schedule a weekly run to the recycling centre for his rubbish?

Lastly, it's have not of......sorry to be a pedant, but it's good to get this right going forward.

Sit down together, write out a chore sheet and stick it on the fridge. He may then finally realise that it's not a magical fairy that does all the work and that his lovely wife does vast majority. He's been an idiot on this occasion.

Edited: sorry loads of other people have said similar.

He has come to rely on you being his pseudo-mother; he sounds childish and emotionally immature. A marriage is a union of balanced respect and responsibility; it's rubbish, no pun intended, that you have to soothe him by applauding, like you would your child when they used the potty, when he contributes his fair share, like an adult man.
He seems to want recognition for his role within the union. Maybe you should communicate with him, letting him know how disappointed you are that he refuses to honour your efforts to maintain the family home. You'd appreciate it if he communicated at a time when he is feeling undervalued.

OP, I don’t know which of you or your DH pisses me off more in this scenario.

WTF is wrong with women who allow this to happen? And who have their DC watching this family dynamic with woman as slave and man as spolit, entitled twat?

Your chores should be split. But tbh you’ve fucked yourself over so hard it’s difficult to know where to start.

Don’t send him that cartoon. Your scenario isn’t a joke.

When are some people going to get it into their heads that women were not put on this earth to spend their lives enslaved to men?

Dishwasher, occasional bins and occasional cooking, he literally does the same (probably less) than my 15 year old son. And he doesn’t stand around waiting to be thanked.

Yeah that was my feeling too. OP you need to stop enabling this behaviour.

Yes, when mine were teenagers they did at least this! Plus GCSEs etc as well!
He's got a cushy life.

I honestly thought we'd got past that. However, all these posts about women waiting for proposals and doing all the domestic work makes me think we've gone back in time.

I’m absolutely gobsmacked that 2% have voted the OP as unreasonable. That’s mental.

ETA, once upon a time DH would say ‘yes, I’ve done that for you’ or indeed just told me about a general chore he had done like expecting a round of applause. I stamped that shit out quickly.

Unless they think she's unreasonable to put up with it?
Or they're trad wives themselves.

Make a list of what you do on your 'day off'. Ask him which of the tasks he'd like to take on.

He'll probably just look at her blankly.

Yeah, I know😐

While you are walking the dogs and making lunch boxes and doing the hundreds of other things what is he doing?! You are doing way too much and I guess the question is why? He is supposed to be your partner. I would get a cleaner and order shipping online and give yourself a day off a week. Living with him you may need it.

Your thread's title made me laugh :-), thanks for that.

Of course you shouldn't have to thank your husband for putting the bins out, nor should he expect you to. It's not your job, it's something either do.

Yours is an entirely reasonable proposition. I just don't hold out hope for anything in this situation.

This is no way to live

I had lost my mind years ago. Why do you put up with this?

Ugh this sounds awful. And you will end up his carer.

Tell him he needs to do his half of housework or you will divorce him. And then when he he inevitably does fuck all, divorce him.

Remembered this sound machine and saw they still sell it. The very first button is the applause button.. I wonder if he would appreciate it?!
www.amazon.co.uk/Pumwoy-Electronic-Effects-Machine-Children/dp/B0CPF2PC5R/ref=sr_1_5?dib=eyJ2IjoiMSJ9.L93cSbzng4BcO0whMZ7xQXUtdGM-fyz3OV8fNb0F1FVpT5GbA2T8lZytAQdbdC71wxcg3BoaP3Uh7oWgepyxUpEqKOVgbst7_YHDb5XmqUk.vw9IXhXLoAiehwkQ3dKa1ty_AZWOe3Bx01v04VM0Hao&dib_tag=se&keywords=applause+machine&qid=1760689315&sr=8-5

I did the maths, and taking into account your "day off", you should be doing 57.14% of the household chores. What's DH going to do to make up his 42.86% of chores?
If he does 1 bin duty a year, that's 1.92% of the YEARLY bin duties alone.
Let's say that, conservatively, there's 15 household tasks that need completing each week, that's 780 tasks a year. VERY conservatively. He needs to be doing 378 of them.