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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To of lost it with DH

163 replies

HP200 · 17/10/2025 07:40

So back story DH and I both work him 5 days and me 4, we both get up at the same time. DH gets up and goes straight to work I do washing, walk dogs, tidy, kids lunch boxes etc and we walk in the door in the evening within 5 mins of each other. My ‘day’ off extra I go food shopping and do the house work and often move this day around to attend appointments for my SEN child.
DH loads the dishwasher and I do maybe 95% of cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing.
i was late home last night due to a hospital appointment and DH was cooking and had the hump so asked what was up, apparently I didn’t thank him for putting the bins out for me the day before. This is the second time in 7 years he has done this so I have done it every single other week. I pointed out in that case he owes me hundreds of thank yous and he doesn’t get a round of applause for actually doing something that is not ‘my job’ and he lives here too. I was then told I was moody and nasty so we spent the night in silence- AIBU for my response as he texted this morning to say that I was?

OP posts:
MagicLoop · 18/10/2025 14:37

TwinklyStork · 17/10/2025 14:33

It really isn't. Has it occurred to you that perhaps people who struggle to process things visually might have problems reading it themselves? A massive wall of text with no punctuation, paragraphs or capital letters is horrible to try to read, and more often than not that's what's lurking behind a thread title like this. I'm certainly not going to waste my time looking at three screens' worth of word soup and neither should anyone else have to. That's why people don't click on thread titles like that, it's nothing to do with snobbery.

There's really no excuse for making this error. Everyone knows it's "have", it's pointed out every single time someone does it.

Show quote history

You don't understand why it might be difficult for some people to avoid make mistakes like this, but you're berating others for not understanding why it might be difficult for some people to understand posts with less than ideal SPaG, punctuation or layout? Does that not strike you as a little hypocritical?

ZXZXZ6789 · 18/10/2025 14:55

Well played @HP200 !!!

Another one asking though - what exactly was he confused about?

Original poster
HP200 · 18/10/2025 15:01

He was confused about how much I actually do in a day- like dusting, cleaning hand rails, skirting boards, wiping down the ridiculous white kitchen he picked, washing x 3 loads most of these things for some unknown reason reason his brain clearly does not see however I now realise it’s probably because I have just always done them so it’s time he understands

OP posts:
ZXZXZ6789 · 18/10/2025 15:07

Lordy me, what a thicko.

So the bins don't get taken out by the "bin fairy", someone has to do it, but somehow he didn't realise that you did all of the cleaning, washing, ironing, shopping, making beds etc etc -

Some days I just thank my lucky stars about being divorced.

Actually, every day

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Ivelostmyglasses · 18/10/2025 14:27

It is perfectly understandable why it happens. For lots of people the spoken contraction "to've" sounds as "to of". Add dyslexia to the mix and pointing it out repeatedly can make very little difference. I am sure this has been pointed out to you, more than once too.

Edited
Show quote history

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

Happyjoe · 19/10/2025 05:28

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

Show quote history

How unpleasant. TBF, I'd rather read someone's written errors than listen to folk lording it over and call dyslexia 'just an excuse'.

SandyY2K · 19/10/2025 05:39

HP200 · 17/10/2025 07:40

So back story DH and I both work him 5 days and me 4, we both get up at the same time. DH gets up and goes straight to work I do washing, walk dogs, tidy, kids lunch boxes etc and we walk in the door in the evening within 5 mins of each other. My ‘day’ off extra I go food shopping and do the house work and often move this day around to attend appointments for my SEN child.
DH loads the dishwasher and I do maybe 95% of cooking, cleaning, shopping, washing.
i was late home last night due to a hospital appointment and DH was cooking and had the hump so asked what was up, apparently I didn’t thank him for putting the bins out for me the day before. This is the second time in 7 years he has done this so I have done it every single other week. I pointed out in that case he owes me hundreds of thank yous and he doesn’t get a round of applause for actually doing something that is not ‘my job’ and he lives here too. I was then told I was moody and nasty so we spent the night in silence- AIBU for my response as he texted this morning to say that I was?

So he just loads the dishwasher abndyour do pretty much everything else?

He's gotten used to it because you've let him. He sees it as YOUR job, so he thinks he's done you a favour.

It's a poor show that he can't empty the bins consistently himself.

99bottlesofkombucha · 19/10/2025 07:36

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

Show quote history

Once many people have pointed out your phrasing and focusing on a tiny grammatical point when the poster is an upset woman struggling in her marriage means you aren’t coming across as a nice person, couldn’t you just stop doing it?

Footloosefiona · 19/10/2025 07:47

ChikinLikin · 17/10/2025 07:57

My ex was the same. He wasn't a true partner, more like a grumpy lodger who complained if any demands were made on him. I should have split up sooner.

Been there, got that T-shirt. Then took it off because I was sick of wearing it !

Katemax82 · 19/10/2025 08:09

God why the hell do men do this? My husband is just as bad. If he washes up (we have 4 kids) it's "for me" etc. gives me the rage!!

Barney16 · 19/10/2025 08:14

Does he do the hoovering "for you". How did he qualify for a live in cleaner, cook and bottle washer? As others have said, just do your stuff and leave him to it. He's a twat.

grumpygrape · 19/10/2025 09:46

TwinklyStork · 19/10/2025 01:36

Yes it has, and it’s just an excuse.
It’s really not that difficult. Once the error is pointed out, stop doing it.

Show quote history

You have made the error of thinking dyslexia is just an excuse and this has been pointed out to you numerous times but you aren't learning....
Pot - Kettle

DinaofCloud9 · 19/10/2025 10:27

Katemax82 · 19/10/2025 08:09

God why the hell do men do this? My husband is just as bad. If he washes up (we have 4 kids) it's "for me" etc. gives me the rage!!

Tell him not to.

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