Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

[Butterfly789]

Hi, would be grateful to hear from anyone who has had any similar experiences:

My ex and I have a 3 year old. He walked out when she was 10 days old and since then I have been the primary caregiver. She sleeps over at his house every other weekend, and on the weeks she doesn’t sleep over, she just goes for the day on Saturday (hope this makes sense).

I have just had a call from his mom saying that they want to take her to Jamaica next August (she will be 4) to attend a family wedding.

I personally think she will be too young to go so far away, especially when she’s never even been abroad with him or spent more than 1 night with him. I have told him I would be more open to somewhere closer, like Spain for example.

AIBU?

At that young age and given he has her only alternate weekends, it would be a hard no from me. I wouldnt want her palmed off on relations she didn’t know.

I would take legal advice to prevent him taking her out of the country and most certainly if you considered him to be a flight risk.

If he’d proved to be a good stable presence in her life, then perhaps age 7 onwards

A flight risk?

Have I missed the part where this child’s father has been named as an alleged criminal about to stand trial?

(Or is that being assumed based solely on his heritage?)

FFS.

OP not sure why his mum asked you. But if you trust her and him then why not. If you don’t then don’t do it. If you say no he can force your hand to get a CAO in place which includes the right to take DC out the country for a few weeks consecutively.

My partners family is also Jamaican his advice is follow your instinct. Don't let her go and if she goes you go with her and stay in a hotel and go with her to the wedding.

His mum was kidnapped in Jamaica before she passed away 10 years ago wanting money. You're English and as far as they are concerned you have money to give to them. He just said to me "Don't be silly, I am Jamaican and I wouldn't even do it". He is going through probate and he was told to not go to Jamaica to fight for his share of his late mother's property. It will be another situation where you fear the consequences. He has to fight with a British solicitor here. This advice was given to him from people in Jamaica.

Your gut istinct is right to protect your daughter.

I thought that also. Why did the mother ask and not the father? It reads to me that OPs DD and her father don't have a close enough rapport where he should be taking away on a long haul flight. It's something you have to build upto. Like a weekend away and so on.

I think I need to retract my earlier post. Wait until they are 7.

Can you go to Jamaica at the same time. Do you have relatives there you could visit and stay with. Your dd could meet more if her wider family if so

Do you still have any family in Jamaica op. Is there any chance you could go over on a holiday that coincided with the wedding?

I have to say that I’m usually a “he’s a parent too” but something is giving me pause here - the fact he has a place there, the fact he walked out at 10 days old. I feel a bit hesitant here so I understand how you feel.

i was leaning towards a “hell no” but with this update I’m going for “when hell freezes over will you take her out of the country”

I would never trust a man who walked out when his child was 10 days old! If he wanted to take his daughter to family weddings in Jamaica he should have worked harder on his relationship with the mother of that child.

I would say no unless you can be in Jamaica at the same time. They can take her to the wedding and to meet that side of the family but you will be there.
I think she will be too young to be apart from you for that length of time, especially in unfamiliar surroundings.

Forget the abduction talk, this is purely practical. ILs wanted to take DS on holiday when he was that age and we said no, not unless we came too.

I see no probs here as long as you go to Jamaica too yourself only because he has her just 1-2 days a week. If it was 50-50 i wouldn't even be concerned...... as for abduction it's not going to happen with you in the same country.