Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Ex wants to take DD (4) to Jamaica

186 replies

Butterfly789 · 16/10/2025 18:40

Hi, would be grateful to hear from anyone who has had any similar experiences:

My ex and I have a 3 year old. He walked out when she was 10 days old and since then I have been the primary caregiver. She sleeps over at his house every other weekend, and on the weeks she doesn’t sleep over, she just goes for the day on Saturday (hope this makes sense).

I have just had a call from his mom saying that they want to take her to Jamaica next August (she will be 4) to attend a family wedding.

I personally think she will be too young to go so far away, especially when she’s never even been abroad with him or spent more than 1 night with him. I have told him I would be more open to somewhere closer, like Spain for example.

AIBU?

OP posts:
Roosch · 16/10/2025 20:42

It doesn’t sound like he can be trusted.
Do you know more about him? Does he have a job to come back to? Does he have anything holding him to the UK?

At a minimum he should regularly have her for a whole week before taking her overseas for that long.

A 4yo needs to be watched carefully. Will he be careful enough not to let her drown in a pool? Get run over on the street? Put her in a car seat? Not let her choke? Remember to feed her? Protect her from dodgy uncles?

Let alone the risk that he abducts her to Jamaica.

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 20:48

Gruffporcupine · 16/10/2025 20:36

This is such bad advice and you are so naive

Show quote history

What is your experience with Caribbean communities, or child abduction cases?

Gruffporcupine · 16/10/2025 20:49

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 20:48

What is your experience with Caribbean communities, or child abduction cases?

Show quote history

I'm Caribbean. It happens more often than you would think

Kizmet1 · 16/10/2025 20:55

So much depends on your child's personality and her relationship with her father (I know they have regular contact, but is it good, enjoyable, quality time? Does she enjoy his company?) but personally for me this would be a no.
She's so little and it is so far away from her home and her routines and there is such a huge difference between having her every other weekend for a day/night and taking her on a big trip with all the stress of travel and the unknowns that she will encounter i.e. new food, heat, hotel accommodation or alternative family accommodation.
It would be a lot for her even with you there for reassurance.
What is your gut instinct?

ScrollingLeaves · 16/10/2025 20:55

tripleginandtonic · 16/10/2025 20:09

This

Show quote history

She is only four and so far has only stayed with her father for weekends In a familiar place. This would mean being away from her mother for a long time in a strange place. You don’t do that to a four year old.

Maray1967 · 16/10/2025 20:57

There is no way I would agree to this. Not at all.

OP, get your DC a passport and keep it safe.

Even if there was no risk of abduction, your child is likely to become distressed at some point. Why put her through that?

Cucy · 16/10/2025 20:59

Have they said what date?

If it’s the end of august could you make the excuse about starting school?

Or tell them that you’ve already booked to go away that week?
You could even say you’ll try and move it to give yourself some time to think about it.

I am usually one to say that dads should have equal rights to their kids but I wouldn’t be happy with this.
I assume they’ll be there for at least a week and that’s a long time to be away from home if she’s not used to it.

cannynotsay · 16/10/2025 21:02

No don’t let him.

Imissgoldengrahams · 16/10/2025 21:02

Owl55 · 16/10/2025 18:49

Will they bring her back?

This was my first thought. And for that reason my answer would be a very easy "no fucking way"

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 21:09

Gruffporcupine · 16/10/2025 20:49

I'm Caribbean. It happens more often than you would think

Show quote history

The vast majority of Caribbean grandmothers would want what is perceived to be a better life in the UK for their children and grandchildren.

Anyone could say they were Caribbean, as could I! I know for a fact that at least one of us would be telling the truth, and I don't know anything about you.

I also own property in the Caribbean, but I have ZERO intention of living there, or taking my children to live there.

I've tried Googling for these multiple cases from UK to Jamaica, but haven't yet found one... I'm not saying it's impossible, but only OP knows the family involved. If their lives are based here and they are of sound mind, the risk would surely be miniscule.

Yokopops · 16/10/2025 21:09

I think no because he doesn’t see her much now and she’s so young.

My friend had a kid with a guy and they split up when their kid was very young, neither went on to have any more kids and had an amicable relationship. My friend was always invited along to family trips to Nigeria when her kid was growing up - paid for by the exes family of course.

So both she and her kid got to experience and learn about Nigeria together which is great. She is so happy that her kid is very proud of her mixed heritage and knows a lot about her African side unlike many mixed race kids she knows from her town.

Is there any way your ex would pay for you to go as well? If you are open to going that is…

Neodymium · 16/10/2025 21:13

id be wary of child abduction too. Does he have e a job and house in the UK? Does the grandmother live in the UK?

Also, if he did refuse to bring her back could you afford to fly there and go to court to get her returned?

Diblin93 · 16/10/2025 21:13

Absolutely not. He might not bring her back.

fireandlightening · 16/10/2025 21:14

Do you have a CAO in place, or is this an informal arrangement? Is Jamaica one of the Hague Convention Countries? I would not send my child overseas in these circumstances -there is a risk that they would not bring her back, and even if it is a small risk, do you want to take that chance?

anyix · 16/10/2025 21:15

If I trust and I’m comfortable with his parenting, and trust his mother, I’d probably let her go. Would be a good experience for her. Ask all the questions you need to ask that would help you feel comfortable

Optimist2020 · 16/10/2025 21:20

@Butterfly789 My family are Jamaican. My partner and I took our son when he was 3 months old and 3 years old to Jamaica .

Your child would only be allowed to stay in Jamaica for 3 months , however if you are worried about her returning back to the UK, do you have details of your ex partners address ?

Although I have taken my son twice

ItWasTheBabycham · 16/10/2025 21:20

Honestly, my first thought was “will they bring her back” and so many other PPs have said the same scrolling through the answers. OP, even you e said there’s a doubt in your mind. Please don’t do it. Tell his mother, either you both go or neither of you go.

Nelly91 · 16/10/2025 21:23

I would say no

CatsorDogsrule · 16/10/2025 21:24

Jamaica does appear to be party to the Hague Convention from 2017.

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2025 21:32

I didn't realise child abduction was such a huge problem in Jamaica 😢.
Most Jamaican men I know, and I know plenty, are not looking to go back until retirement.
I also know the grandparents and family would most likely be taking the child back to bebraised here. Of the many children born to Jamaican parents / fathers I know, they go for holidays and come straight back.
Presumably the father has a solid base here and isn't looking to go back just to spite the OP.

Digdongdoo · 16/10/2025 21:33

Why do these threads always jump to "he won't bring her back"? Based upon what? Has he given any indication at all that he wants to steal her away? Did you expect your half Jamaican child to never visit Jamaica? Because you really can't deprive a child of heritage and family based upon baseless fears you didn't have until someone on mumsnet said it.

Dweetfidilove · 16/10/2025 21:38

Digdongdoo · 16/10/2025 21:33

Why do these threads always jump to "he won't bring her back"? Based upon what? Has he given any indication at all that he wants to steal her away? Did you expect your half Jamaican child to never visit Jamaica? Because you really can't deprive a child of heritage and family based upon baseless fears you didn't have until someone on mumsnet said it.

It really is so ridiculous!

I agree about denying them of their heritage as well. Why on earth would you have a child with a man from a whole different country if you're always suspicious he'll run off with them, never to return?

Catwalking · 16/10/2025 21:41

It would be wise for DD to have vaccinations before travelling to Jamaica.
I’m not sure I’d want my child having these extra vaccines just for an unrelated persons wedding??🤔

ToLoseWeightAndNotMyMind · 16/10/2025 21:43

Ex took dc age 3 to florida for 3 weeks.

Whereismyfleeceblanket · 16/10/2025 21:44

If dd doesn't even have a passport let him crack on and get her one. Will he even manage to do that? It's a bloody faff!!
And you have a year to get all the paperwork suggested uo thread in place.