SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

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SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

The fact that some people can’t believe I don’t like CP is hilarious. It’s extremely claustrophobic and over stimulating. I do not enjoy those types of environments. I will probably take my kids one day for their enjoyment but I’d never choose to go.

And you think it would be less claustrophobic and less stimulating if you are there while looking after a little child that is not yours?

Does center parcs do 1 bedroom lodges?!

It would stop me feeling like a spare part. I felt that way the last time I went to CP. Nephew is a very easy child. I’m not just saying that. I wouldn’t take a child I knew would be hard work. He’s a pleasure to be around.

If you’re bored at Center Parcs there’s no hope!

He might be a pleasure to be around, but hes still not a part of their family.

Accept you were wrong to ask and move on.

If you don’t want to be a spare part don’t go or you throw yourself in fully.

You don’t invite a stranger especially a preschooler.

It does change the dynamic and likely end up changing some of the plans and how they do things. They will feel like they to help watch him someone who wasn’t even invited to their family break.

Yeah, people are different and a lot of people find it really difficult to say no so it's not really fair to put them in that situation if your request is something that many people would feel was an unreasonable ask. It's basically just taking advantage of a person's weakness.

How old is your DN?

Some have 1 bed lodges and o think they all do 1 bed apartments.

Ds and I go to 1 bed SC apts and get twin beds. The 1 bed lodges are doubles and then they have room only apartments but I want to be able to cook!

I don't think it's dramatic to quietly decline going to something you won't enjoy, especially an expensive (over-priced) weekend for a child you will actually spend minimal time with.

I don’t think you were unreasonable to ask OP. As I said earlier, people here love to tell others how grabby and cheeky they are and it’s often over things that would never be the huge deal or offence that they actually would be in the real world.

I also don’t think one extra child would change the dynamic in any way, unless it’s a particularly difficult child which op has said he’s not.

However she has said no and since it’s her party so to speak and she’s footed the bill I don’t think there’s a lot you can do. FWIW it wouldn’t bother me at all and I’d be happy to see another child get enjoyment from it if it was no extra cost to me.

It will completely change the dynamic of the stay for everyone. YABU.

I get feeling like a spare part and this is why I would decline the invitation if I was in your position.
Let you husband go.

I seem to be the only one that thinks this is a real shame that the little boy can’t come along. CenterParcs is very child focussed. I don’t think I would go, I would just decline. I have a kid, have been to CenterParcs a few times and don’t think I would enjoy a holiday without a child, just spending time with extended family‘s kids.

It was rude to ask and even ruder to moan about being told no.

If your nephew and her daughter get on well I wonder what the objection is. If they don’t know each other, then definitely not. It’s funny when people ask these questions and people act as if they know the whole context. I would say it’s rude to ask on group WhatsApp though. I’d have messaged SIL. Such a shame SIL is overruling, I’d say that’s disrespectful to BIL. Also, I hope the little boy hasn’t been told he was going.

I personally feel it’s rude when you aren’t the planner and have been invited to ask to extend the invite to another. Regardless of your reason and good intention. If the children were close and almost were brought together like cousins (but not) like ive family like that who are not blood related but in-laws nephews and nieces but we’ve kinda blended in that way I’d have thought it less rude but it doesn’t seem like that’s the case. Regardless you’ve been invited it’s not your place to then extend the invite to others.

Seems like you don’t want to hear anyone else’s opinion that you are being unreasonable.
if you do have children one day, & a situation like this comes up, I think you will view it differently.
your nephew to you, is a wonderful kind kid, but to others, they might view him differently.
youve asked if you’re being unreasonable- plenty have told you, you are. There’s your answer!

Yes you are being rude! If you had paid then she would have zero say but this is a trip for her daughter that she has paid for. You need to respect their wishes. If the niece is clingy to you and it’s her trip then maybe SIL is looking to make it a special day rip for her which you clearly are a big part of to Ava.

They want to use you for childcare or at least to entertain their child.

Her husband sounds alot nicer than her.

I agree with OP about CP - especially with other families with kids being part of the group. I don't think it's unreasonable for OP to ask about bringing along nephew- she knows everyone involved and what the dynamics are like. I probably would've asked SIL directly as she's organising it but, if it was discussed in GC, asking there is fine and SIL could've replied no there rather than a side message. It sounds like SIL will be hoping OP gives the birthday girl her undivided attention, not out of order if she's paying and that is clear in advance. But I think OP declining sounds like it would cause drama.

Gosh you were so rude to ask! Your nephew isn’t their family. How intrusive to bring a random kid to your niece’s birthday celebration. If they thought extra kids were a good idea, surely they would invite a child from your niece’s direct circle.

Problem solved. Just don't go.