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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

359 replies

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

OP posts:
No5ChalksRoad · 17/10/2025 18:21

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 17/10/2025 18:09

I think it’s a bit weird of the OP to invite someone from her family to her SIL’s event.

Show quote history

Yet elsewhere on Mumsnet one is contstantly reading about how when people get married they are "joining extended families together" as an excuse for demanding that kids be invited to weddings and receptions.

If OP's family is now joined with her husband's family, of which BIL and SIL and Ava are a part, why wouldn't the little nephew qualify as part of this joined family?

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 17/10/2025 18:39

No5ChalksRoad · 17/10/2025 18:21

Yet elsewhere on Mumsnet one is contstantly reading about how when people get married they are "joining extended families together" as an excuse for demanding that kids be invited to weddings and receptions.

If OP's family is now joined with her husband's family, of which BIL and SIL and Ava are a part, why wouldn't the little nephew qualify as part of this joined family?

Show quote history

I don’t know about nephews and nieces, I thought it applied to DC and DSC. For example I’d find it a bit weird if my SIL asked if her nephew whom I’ve met once could visit us for Xmas.

independentfriend · 17/10/2025 18:39

I think it's a bit over the top / presumptuous to have a Centre Parcs trip for a child's birthday. Your time is valuable, even if they're paying for the trip. You're not a piece to be moved about on her chess board.

You could have said 'sorry, I'm looking after my nephew at that time, I can only come if he comes with me'

You probably can't do that now unless your sibling is admitted to hospital or something but worth bearing in mind for the next time they suggest something where you feel like a spare part.

ditsyditherer · 17/10/2025 18:52

First you put people in an awkward position by asking if an uninvited person can come. They've had to say no and by doing so look like the baddie.

And then you have the gall to ask why?!

BettysRoasties · 17/10/2025 18:53

YourPeppyAmberTraybake · 17/10/2025 18:39

I don’t know about nephews and nieces, I thought it applied to DC and DSC. For example I’d find it a bit weird if my SIL asked if her nephew whom I’ve met once could visit us for Xmas.

Show quote history

I certainly wouldn’t consider my sister in laws husbands, nephew’s family.

If I hosted an event they wouldn’t be invited. Not even on my radar because when would be meet really apart from sister in laws shared events.

If sister in law hosted I’d expect them to be invited as they are her family or her husbands at least. But she doesn’t host both side of family events so I wouldn’t even see them at her events.

Sunholidays · 17/10/2025 19:04

Pline · 17/10/2025 10:08

The fact that some people can’t believe I don’t like CP is hilarious. It’s extremely claustrophobic and over stimulating. I do not enjoy those types of environments. I will probably take my kids one day for their enjoyment but I’d never choose to go.

I fully understand, CP is my idea of hell.

For what is worth, I understand your reasoning and, given that we are talking about a well behaved young child and not some stroppy teenager, "the more the merrier" would have been my approach too if I had been your SIL. She sounds awful, sorry to say.

Oppsididitagain1 · 17/10/2025 19:10

Are you two the babysitters then

Mydoglovescheese · 17/10/2025 19:31

If you’re not prepared to be a 24/7 babysitter for your niece please don’t go. That happened to me and I ended up spending all weekend pretty much alone with a 3 year old so everybody else could enjoy themselves.

Atsocta · 17/10/2025 19:31

Is a bit rude to do that, under the circumstances …

Pessismistic · 17/10/2025 19:46

Hey op the decision has been made but do you think she said no because your attention will be divided and she wants her dd to have all your attention or she’s expecting you to mind Ava so she can do grown up stuff without worrying about Ava.

Zoec1975 · 17/10/2025 20:09

Sounds like sil wants a baby sitter,so she has free time.

mrsschneebly · 17/10/2025 20:19

Pleased to see a few more sensible replies rather than the blanket ‘you are shockingly rude op’ approach 😂

It’s fine for her to say no. It’s also fine for you to say no to babysitting her daughter. Just because she’s paid doesn’t mean she gets to dictate how you spend your time.

DarkForces · 17/10/2025 20:25

'AIBU to invite an unrelated 4 year old on a trip that someone else is paying for to stop me getting bored' has to be one of the most bonkers questions I've seen on this site.

Alwayswantedadolphintattoo · 17/10/2025 20:26

In truth it is rude to not take the invite graciously and go and be part of your family. You are showing your colours clearly that you don’t find your granddaughter good company because you openly complain of her ‘girliness’ So try and use the holiday to get to know her more. Maybe she is more fun than you think. I’d be so offended if I was your daughter and son in law. Act now. Sort it out!

Spinmerightroundbaby · 17/10/2025 20:41

Purpleturtle45 · 16/10/2025 17:59

I think if someone else is paying then yes it's rude to ask if you can bring along someone else, especially someone unrelated to them.

Agreed. Sounds like she wants her child to be at the centre of the event and for it to be special for her. Fair enough really, especially as she’s being so generous.

mrsschneebly · 17/10/2025 20:53

Alwayswantedadolphintattoo · 17/10/2025 20:26

In truth it is rude to not take the invite graciously and go and be part of your family. You are showing your colours clearly that you don’t find your granddaughter good company because you openly complain of her ‘girliness’ So try and use the holiday to get to know her more. Maybe she is more fun than you think. I’d be so offended if I was your daughter and son in law. Act now. Sort it out!

If you’re going to criticise at least get the family setup correct 😂

DrowningInSyrup · 17/10/2025 21:18

Even if she wasn't paying I think it is pretty off. You're essentially bringing a child who the kid doesn't really know, this is likely to be awkward for everyone and detracts from the fact that it is her birthday. The only way it would be reasonable is if you/sister didn't have childcare and it was unavoidable. It's very diplomatic that the mum has given the reason that xxx just wants to spend time with you. What probably happened is she said "That CF, why on earth did you say her nephew could come? I wouldn't be able to pick him out of a lineup".

Ireallywantadoughnut36 · 17/10/2025 21:35

I think what's happened is your BiL wasnt really thinking and off the cuff went "go for it", SiL has thought about it, perhaps asked Ava the birthday girl, who has basically said "no thanks, it's my birthday and I want it to be with my family",or SiL has sussed out thats how she would feel - and its her birthday treat. She's clearly imagining playing around with her fun aunt, doing nails etc (not sure what age she is but maybe look at the spa menu and see if you can get a mini manicure together - the spa is also glorious, much better than you'd imagine). Ultimately, if you were paying for the accomodation then it'd maybe be different, but it's her birthday, her mum is paying, you can't bring an unrelated random child. I totally get why you'd want to, but you can't, it'd be rude. Also, it'd make your niece sad on her birthday, which matters more than being rude.
I'm trying to think of an equivalent, I guess it's a bit like taking a plus 1 to a wedding, when you'd don't have a plus 1. Sure maybe there's physical space, but an invite is for specific, wanted, guests - it's not just a case of "they fancy it and there's a space"

I don't agree that they want you to be there to nanny/help with the other kids. They've organised (let's be honest) a wildly expensive/overpriced treat for their daughter. They want it to be exactly how they/she imagine it to be, with the exact people they want and love and for it to go perfectly to plan (as much as these things can). It's not a normal holiday, they're paying effectively for a birthday party, for specific beloved relatives. They (I imagine) are just doting on their daughter and wanting the whole weekend to be about her and what she wants and who she loves (which is fair enough on her birthday). They don't want her favourite aunt to be distracted/playing with a random (to them) child.

Nothing7 · 17/10/2025 21:55

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

I don’t think you’re being rude and think it’s a nice sentiment to bring the nephew but have voted yabu just because I think it’s fair if the SIL doesn’t want to invite your nephew and think it’s sweet she’s said that her daughter loves spending time with you so I’m sure you’re not going to feel a spare part. The dynamic would probably be different bringing you nephew as he may not be as relaxed being around lots of people he doesn’t know therefore you’ll be super focussed on the nephew and the weekend is supposed to be about the birthday girl

Endorewitch · 17/10/2025 21:57

You had no right to ask. She is paying. It seems very rude to me. She knew you had no kids and could have suggested it herself. She didnt.Irrelevant her husband agreed. You were wrong to ask.
Bet they had a row. You put her in an awkward position.
Am surprised you dont gey it.

Sadworld23 · 18/10/2025 06:27

Pline · 16/10/2025 18:10

Im active person but just find CP claustrophobic. Dh and I spend a lot of time away but we just don’t do these types of holidays. Given we have no children. I will be able to keep myself busy. And I will definitely have a nice time. That environment is just not really my bag. No biggie.

I'm an outdoor person, but I just love Centre parcs with the traffic free environment for cycling, fitness opportunities, nature centre. I don't actually enjoy it so much with DC just3 although he has a fab time.

Restaurants are a bit pricey but you can self cater..
My ambition has been to retire to centre parcs lol

Sadworld23 · 18/10/2025 06:29

Alwayswantedadolphintattoo · 17/10/2025 20:26

In truth it is rude to not take the invite graciously and go and be part of your family. You are showing your colours clearly that you don’t find your granddaughter good company because you openly complain of her ‘girliness’ So try and use the holiday to get to know her more. Maybe she is more fun than you think. I’d be so offended if I was your daughter and son in law. Act now. Sort it out!

Sounds like chatgpt wrote this

Raeari · 18/10/2025 08:33

Alwayswantedadolphintattoo · 17/10/2025 20:26

In truth it is rude to not take the invite graciously and go and be part of your family. You are showing your colours clearly that you don’t find your granddaughter good company because you openly complain of her ‘girliness’ So try and use the holiday to get to know her more. Maybe she is more fun than you think. I’d be so offended if I was your daughter and son in law. Act now. Sort it out!

You’ve either not actually read the thread or this is a bot. Not even close.

Wildefish · 18/10/2025 08:45

Pline · 16/10/2025 17:57

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

You asked and SIL said no.You both have valid reasons, best to move on and not make a big deal if it.

PloddingAlong21 · 18/10/2025 09:01

To buck the trend I see no issue in you having asked.

If it was me, in the more the merrier sort. I think bringing another adult would be weird, but a little kid, when you’ve got the space I wouldn’t bat an eyelid too personally.

However I would respect her decision to say no when she is funding it.

I don’t think I would fancy this sort of holiday if I were childless either though either, so agree with your line of thought there also. I would of course go and just suck it up for family as I wouldn’t be paying anyway.