SIL asking I don't bring my nephew along to Centre Parc holiday trip

[Pline]

SIL has arranged a big birthday trip for her eldest daughter to Centre Paris. They are being very generous and paying for our accommodation. There will be around 15 of us all together including grandparents. Dh and I don’t have children so CP isn’t exactly somewhere we would choose to go but we enjoy the family and wish to participate in the celebrations. I thought it would be nice if I brought my own sister’s child. I felt I would feel like a bit of a spare part if I didn’t have anything to do iykwim. My nephew is a lovely, cute boy. And the same age as the birthday girl. They have played in the past but don’t live close so aren’t friends or anything. Both children are sociable and well behaved.

I asked in the group chat if that would be okay. SIL’s husband said “absolutely the more the merrier”. But I just got a message from SIL asking I don’t do so. I’ve asked why and she said Ava (SIL’s daughter - not real name) is very fond of you and would like to spend time with you. Ava is a little clingy to me. I enjoy it. She is a girly girl and I enjoy make up, nails etc which Ava’s mums not so into. Ava is always making about my perfume, lipstick etc.

Am I being exceptionally rude? I just thought it would be a nice thing to do. And the spare bedroom will go empty which is a bit of a waste. I feel like most people would not care. I will of course spend plenty of time with Ava but I have been to Centre Parcs before and I thought having someone else to focus on would make the time a little less…boring.

But obviously SIL is paying. So maybe I am being . rudeUnintentionally.

You've asked, she's said no. Get on with it.

He’s your family not their family.
I find it really weird you’ve asked.
You don’t need a token child to go with you. Use the spa or pool or just do what they want you to do since they’re paying!

Not really, no. My partner's nieces are my nieces. My children have two amazing aunties not related to them. I have lovely aunts of my own who would be devastated if they thought I regarded them as only my uncles' wives.

It's so sad and weird to me that people are like this.

I think you’ve been invited to entertain your niece OP…..certainly sounds like it to me.

Well, when you get down to it, "Ava" isn't the OP's family, either.

So say ‘No, I’d be bored, thanks’?

That would be like me accepting the offer of a seat in an opera box as long as I can bring a friend so I have someone to talk to as I don’t like opera.

I don't think you were wrong to ask, I mean, its not like you were demanding for him to go.

Your SIL probably thinks you can take her daughter off her hands for a while, so she can have a nice relax and you will have time to run round after her kid. I've been to CO, thought it was very over rated and quite expensive for what it is. I mean, unless you love being in the pool all day, everything is so expensive. Ok in the summer I guess if you can make the most of the outdoors, but once the weather cools, not so great. Just go, make the most of it but do not end up the non hired babysitter.

Personally I don't think you were rude to ask (they are family) and I don't think SIL was rude to say no. Asking if it's OK to bring a well behaved playmate along that's the same age as niece and who have played together in the past isn't a particularly stupid idea

She’s her niece? Unless you mean not a BLOOD relative in which case none of them are her family when you really get down to it

If she’s only paying for accommodation then I don’t think you’re being unreasonable to fill the spare room you have in your lodge.

As long as you’re not expecting SIL to pay for food, activités for your nephew, then I think she’s being arsey for no reason.

However, I think the main reason she’s said no, is because she’s planning on using yiu as childcare for her DD! Therefore, I think you should book yourself into Aqua Sana asap! Make sure you’re only available to spend time with her DD on your own terms!

The fact there’s a spare room in your lodge and she won’t let you fill it with your own family member (knowing you don’t have a child) is really mean of her.

I think you were shockingly rude to ask. Their company isn't good enough, you want to bring someone else to amuse you? Lovely. Better you had said no thanks, I don't like Center Parks.

And if we were going away with family the hope would be for everyone to spend time with everyone else, in turns. Children are people, not just burdens, this is the chance to build a relationship with them. But you didn't even think of that, you wanted to slot in your own family.

I’ve only been to Whinfell and they don’t do 1 bedroom lodges. They do 1 bedroom apartments but if you’re going in a group they can be pretty far away from the others staying in lodges.

SIL is probably hoping for some free babysitting as you don’t have a child with you!

100%

Ha, no you can go in the pool with Ava while mummy goes to the bar!

Or …

BIL - the more the merrier …
SIL - wtf did you tell her that for you d-head … she doesn’t have kids so can spend time with Ava, give me a break ffs
BIL - 😬

If it's any comfort you'd have to pay me to get me to stay at CP. 😁

Could you go for walks, bike rides, visit the spa or explore the local area and have a pub lunch etc?

I think it's fine to ask, but it should be a genuine question as in it's fine for them to say no. In terms of not having a child I wouldn't see myself as the odd one out here - you do have children - the ones in your party. When I (childless) go out with my friend and her children we are a group with children and I talk to them/interact with them from a trip perspective. So I'll look at a museum exhibit with them etc, just as she would. I'm not interacting with the place in the way I would on an adult day out. Obviously they're her kids in the sense of parenting them etc.

Hi, I haven't read all your posts and all the arguments one way or the other.
I will say that as someone without children, it has always been very, very hard for me to join in when I'm trying to add to conversations with the like of "oh, my sister had that with X child", or "Oh yes, of course I don't really get it (even if I do, as human beings have feelings without having had all the necessary experiences!). I think you should follow your heart and if you absolutely think you'd feel out of place, then you probably will, and it's really bloody hard. Given that I was in similar situations 20 odd years ago, I would recommend not going. It's really not the same if you're not joining in with people who are all joining in with their kids, but I would have loved it with a kid of my own (a niece or nephew), I would have loved it and felt I could hold my own xxx

editing for context and spelling

Reading the headline I thought someone from that side of the family had been left out.
fair play to you, you asked. I don’t think it’s rude to ask or bad for them to say no, but I’d take the no on the chin. I think that’s the fairest way to go tbh

Its about spending time with family. If you don't want to go then don't go - but I don't see how bringing an unrelated child along would make you less bored. Another child changes the dynamic which you might not realise if you don't have kids.

He's related to the OP. If he were her child, presumably he would be welcome. Just because he's a bit removed from that, why not welcome him?

I think it’s a bit weird of the OP to invite someone from her family to her SIL’s event.

While, I agree that it’s rude, but you asked BIL first and he said yes, only for SIL to say No.
I would question her using you to amuse her daughter and wonder if that is the reason for her refusal.
I wonder what backlash you would encounter, if you suddenly once there, decided to do all things adult and not cater to your nieces needs.
Or you and hubby went off to do your own thing.
I suspect as she cannot cope with doing girly things with her own daughter, she is inviting you, grandparents and everyone else, to play babysitter.