Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

I would be the same as your partner if it was DH. It's no one else business.

She should back off and let you and your partner make your own decisions. And if she doesnt want to abide by them, she should go away!!

Not relevant with a MIL but I have a DS with a peanut allergy and the consultant advice is to feed our other DC nuts. They are at higher risk of developing an allergy too if they abstain, as the tendency towards allergy runs in families.
It’s not as simple as everyone avoiding the food sometimes.

Same, we have children with different allergies and have to feed them the foods their siblings are allergic to as it's important to keep as many foods as possible in their diets

I had a mil like this, our deep fat fryer broke ( back in early 90s ) hubby and I agreed it would be healthier not to replace. Week later mil was asking me why don't I allow hubby to have fryed food? I explained we both agreed we didn't want it, a few days later a deep fat fryer was given as a present to her poor controlled, deprived son. Your mil is seeing your allergy as you just being "fussy" and like a lot of people on here doesn't understand that for some people even being in contact with someone who ate fish hours before, it can still trigger a reaction which can be life threatening, why would anyone risk it?
Your hubby needs to tell her straight.

As someone with allergys, who knows people who have actually died from allergic reactions.
If my partner was allergic to something id never touch that food again, especially if it meant it could harm them.
MIL is being unreasonable.

My daughter in law has all sorts of phobias about food. She strictly controls what my son is allowed to eat. He must really love her to put up with it. That or he's just so down trodden he can't stand up for himself. He's not allowed to see his own family at any time over christmas. It used to really break my heart but now, after 15 years, I count my blessings that I don't have to deal with her over Christmas To be fair he always was easily manipulated by others. Plus she IS very controlling and inclined to throw big hissy fits if she doesn't get her way. A very spoiled only child in my opinion. Either way, its not my business unless or until my son makes it my business. Til then I can't interfere.

What is it with the older generation getting so angry about allergies fgs. I once had my mil suggest that i give my baby, who was ige allergic to cows milk, a bit of milk. They described it as codswallop. They also got angry that i never come to visit them in their house where they have dogs, cats and years of dust and all of which i am highly allergic to and was told by my gp not to go in to houses with animals but all this wasn't enough for them. Id be tempted to tell your mil where to go.

if your allergy is serious its not worth the risk for a fish supper surly?

You're asking if you're unreasonable for asking him not to, then in comments you said it was his idea completely.

I don't think you're unreasonable to not want to take the risk either way, but it seems odd to me that you say it's his choice but for some reason his mum is having a go at you for being controlling. In what way could you be seen as controlling for him choosing to not eat fish?

Sounds like your husband should be defending his own choice and keeping his mum at bay rather than deciding whether or not it's unreasonable to ask someone not to eat fish

I read the post, I too have a shelllfish allergy, when bf is in our home and around me he doesn’t eat, but when out on occasion with out me he does, brushes teeth and washes faces and hands haven’t had any issues

Are you saying he is eating away from you with his mother? If so, how does this impact your allergy? If you, seriously, have an allergy respect your husband for not eating in front of you, and let him eat what he likes with his mother.

Might surprise folks to know that the allergens can be passed on in other ways... Brushing teeth and washing hands doesn't eliminate the threat.

As has been explained many times... SALIVA

depends on the allergy sometimes its too risky if it gets on his clothes, stays in his teeth (gross but it happens), oil on his hands etc etc. Even if she was being totally unreasonable he is a grown assed man who can make his own grown up decisions and her MIL is cussing the wrong person. Imagine his distress if a kiss kills her because he didnt brush his teeth or there was residue around his lips or on his clothes etc - so easy to form opinions when you think he would agree for any other reason that it could hurt or kill his spouse lmao

I gave up dairy as my child has severe allergies. It’s tough in some ways as it’s in everything and I love cheese/chocolate/ice cream but anaphylaxis is terrifying. Once someone you love has a reaction it suddenly becomes easier to avoid the risk - is the mars bar worth a hospital visit is the question running through your head. It’s very hard to understand unless you’ve lived that life though! Ultimately the OPs husband has made a decision that works for him - his mom sounds like the controlling one -she wants tto decide what someone else eats for no real reason at all?

With the greatest respect: I think y ou are also allergic to your mother-in-law.

Definitely not being unreasonable. I developed life-threatening allergies in my twenties and it controls your life in many ways. It's not much to ask your partner to avoid certain foods around you.

My previous partners have minimised my allergies and tried to test me by deliberately giving me foods I'm allergic to just to see if it's true.

Would contact from his mouth cause you problems? If it is that severe, then his mother needs to be told.

People are very hard of understanding on this thread. OP says that she DOESNT MIND, but that she must avoid physical contact for 24 hours. Thats easy enough to understand.

You are NOT being unreasonable.

However, people generally don't understand severe allergies (unless they have one or have seen one themselves) and it's on your husband to explain to his mother. I'm sure this is partly down to people who have an intolerance or dislike using the word 'allergy' inappropriately. It would be a lot easier if it was just called Death. As in, "I have Fish Death". Or "I have Nut Death" because then maybe it would be understood better.

I understand from my daughter's allergy consultant that the more you are exposed to an allergen, the faster and the worse the reactions get, so you are not being unreasonable at all.

The problem is OP’s title literally speaks about her asking him not to eat the food. It’s a bit at odds with how she describes the situation later.

I’m seriously allergic to shellfish. We don’t have it in the house and my husband doesn’t get it if we go out after a scary situation. He does get it if he’s out without me but just stays away from me for a day after as he likes it. My in-laws think I’m being dramatic and order it loads when we are out. I have to have long conversations with the waitstaff about cross contamination and share nothing. They just don’t think - put their hands in the water jug after eating crab legs etc etc.

Anyway, clearly your MIL doesn’t get a vote even if you were being dramatic but you really aren’t. Allergies are exhausting and scary and overwhelming so however you can feel more secure is a good thing.

I’m allergic to shellfish. My husband loves it. So on occasion he will eat shellfish and he doesn’t kiss or hug me until he has washed his teeth and had a shower. It’s alway cooked and eaten outside of our house so I don’t pick up anything. Will this not work for you?

I bet he has been moaning about it to her, most would fond it hard to give up things they love to eat.
Sounds like he isn’t happy and is allowing his mum to take the blame.