Asking partner not to eat food I’m severely allergic to ?

[mermaidproblems]

Am I BU? I didn’t think so ?!!!

MIL has lost it today over DP not being able to have fish and chips with her . I’m allergic to fish, shellfish and peanuts. We’ve always had the agreement he avoids these foods too. She has sent me a message telling me I’m too controlling and ‘you can’t tell someone what they can and can’t eat’

I used to have a colleague who refused any nuts, her daughter was severely allergic and had previously reacted to her when she got home from work after having some nuts at lunch.

He’s an adult, he can make a choice. His mum needs to back off.

Why is she accusing you of being controlling when she’s trying to control what every one eats. They don’t have to have the same meal from the chippy, what a bizarre thing to believe! YANBU OP.

At the very least you could read OPs replies to see that it’s her partners choice to do this!

And that it's a severe allergy!

The OP has already said the DH chose to do this of his own volition. They've also already said it's a severe allergy too.

You could literally just read what the OP has written.

Not kidding, it was a question very early on in the thread to understand the severity. Lots of people are able to hold off from kissing until they have cleaned their teeth. There are also lots of allergies where a trace amount is not an issue.

Chips are often cooked in the same oil as the fish and contain trace amounts but the OPs DH hasn’t given them up.

My Ddad used Epi pens and still suffered a life changing injury due to an allergic reaction. People have no idea. It’s not just a bit of swelling.

I think there’s a lot of people in this thread who have no idea of how serious an allergy can be. The OP has clearly stated she had a reaction many hours after DP consumed fish previously. It is not safe for him to do so, his DM is being V unreasonable. OP, your DP needs to tell her this. YANBU.

If he kisses her maybe.

Maybe she would have a reaction if he kisses her after eating.

My god what a brave foolhardy woman standing up to her DIL. I agree with everything mine says because they can be lethal.

I know that's what it sounded like, but it would be different if I was with someone that long and they suddenly developed an allergy, but I'd be questioning if it was worth it if it was someone i'd just started seeing. It is after all, quite a radical restriction you'd be placing on your diet for a food you loved.

Your MIL is the controlling needy bitch. Tell her to feck right off and keep her opinions to herself.

Aww flip sake, the mother is a nasty, controlling woman. He has made the decision to go fish free.. he needs to make that clear. Let her jog on

Show him his mother's message.

She is trying to tell you what you can and can't ask of your husband. Resenting the changes his relationship with you had made. Being the same kind of controller she's calling you. 🤷‍♀️

Remind him he's agreed to this to support and care for you, and to respect your health and well-being needs - and how very happy you are that he's doing this when you aren't there, showing he understands.

Ask him to deal with his mother, manage her attitudes and help her change her behaviour (maybe not in quite those words!).

Perhaps a graphic piece of education on what could happen if you encounter a person who's just had fish - I imagine a kiss, sex or just sleeping in the same bed could trigger a reaction!

But OP's partner didn't want to eat the fish. It was his mum insisting that if she had fish and chips, he had to have the same as her which is batshit at best and controlling and deliberately harmful to OP at worst.

It depends if you see fish and chips as more important than not dying. I think I know what my priority is.

I can’t think of a single food I absolutely must consume and wouldn’t happily cut out if it had the slightest potential of causing a risk to someone else’s life/health/wellbeing … and this is coming from someone already with a fairly limited range of food options due to numerous food allergies and intolerances!

But it does affect her. If you go to OP’s post and click “see all” in the bottom right hand corner of it you can see all the comments OP has made in this thread. There you will see that she had severe anaphylactic shock after kissing him some 8 hours after he had consumed fish, despite him having brushed his teeth.

Some allergies are so severe that people cannot be in the same room as the allergen hours after the allergen has been there (I knew someone with a fish allergy who ended up hospitalised because wrapped fish from the fishmongers had been in the house a few hours earlier). I have a very sensitive non coeliac gluten intolerance and if my DP has had gluten, I can’t have any physical contact with him, including sleeping in the same bed, or I get debilitating symptoms that last sometimes weeks. I have to be incredibly careful to avoid cross contact, but I can’t even imagine how terrifying it must be with a life threatening allergy, and completely understand why OP’s DH doesn’t want to risk her health, for the sake of eating fish especially when there are plenty of other options available.

Tell her never to come between a man and his wife 😂🤣

Highlighting this for all the people that think allergy sufferers need to ‘take responsibility for themselves’ and ‘just use their EpiPen’ so that other people can eat whatever they want regardless - EpiPens aren’t a magic solution cancelling out effects of an allergy, sadly.

PP - sorry to hear about your Dad

(had to edit because I somehow hit post before I’d finished typing!)

You are not being unreasonable. Twice I've had an allergic reaction (not the full psychedelic horror show of projectile vomiting, ditto other end and hallucinating I was actually dead, but bad enough) from having fish cut on a board someone had used for oysters. The full-blown oyster allergy lasts a good 48 hours, last time I had it.

You have been together a long time so presumably he has not eaten fish during that time? I wonder why his mother is so upset about it after 12 years of not eating it?

Firstly I would worry as he should love you enough to not want to risk your life and be able to stand up to his mother.

My son has a kiwi allergy and he only requires an antihistamine thankfully. But I have banned kiwis in our house!

It was his choice. The irony of her calling you controlling.