Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Niece and my wedding

497 replies

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 16:28

On Sunday evening my brother asked to meet me but I couldn’t but I met him on Monday.

He asked me if I was going to invite his partner’s 9 nearly 10 year old to my wedding.

I said that I hadn’t really thought about it but she could come if they didn’t have childcare. He seemed really relieved.

I had told him ‘asked his permission’ a few weeks ago that I would like to ask his ex as well as I always got on with her and wanted her to see her daughters in their bridesmaids dresses. He was fine with it. I haven’t told ex-sil that she is invited yet nor mentioned bridesmaids to my nieces.

Apparently on Sunday he and his partner were having lunch with one of his daughters and they were talking about my wedding. My youngest niece looked at partner’s daughter and asked what she would be doing that weekend while everyone else was at the wedding.

She then told her dad in the car on her own, that her sister who was not present would not be attending if his stepdaughter would be there trying to be their family.

My own daughter had a shedload of shit from her Dad’s stepdaughter.

I don’t want to upset my nieces and want them to have a good time at my wedding.

OP posts:
ItIsNotTheDog · 15/10/2025 16:30

What's your question?

Original poster
BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 16:32

If push came to shove I want my nieces there and happy.

OP posts:
MummytoE · 15/10/2025 16:36

What age are the girls In question

ShesTheAlbatross · 15/10/2025 16:37

Well obviously it’s up to you.
But how old was the daughter who said this? Because I’d be tempted to decide she was being a brat and it’s not the fault of a 9 year old that her parents are divorced so get a grip. I wouldn’t say this to her, but I wouldn’t uninvite the 9 year old on that basis.

Largestlegocollectionever · 15/10/2025 16:37

Im Confused - your nieces don’t want their step sister there and if she does go they won’t attend?!
How old are your nieces?
Step daughter is 9/10 years old correct?
Do they all live together?

Either way, and no matter their age tbh, if someone was telling me that if I invited a 10 yrs old they wouldn’t come - I wouldn’t want them there anyway! What nasty piece of work they must be!

Yetmorewifework · 15/10/2025 16:42

Okay. So your step-niece is 9ish. How old are your nieces? It may be that the older niece feels pushed out of line if she's no longer the oldest?
I would invite all nieces, step and blood.Treat them all equally. Can they all be invited to be bridesmaids?

Crunchymum · 15/10/2025 16:44

How did you become involved? Who reported back that DN's won't be attending if the step child comes?

Diarygirlqueen · 15/10/2025 16:48

You need to give more info OP.
Did your brother cheat on his wife and is this the ow?
Is that why there is such anger?

Happyher · 15/10/2025 16:48

Invite them all but don’t tell them. If your nieces are bridesmaid the won’t see the stepdaughter till the actual wedding. It’s your wedding and you can invite who you like

Coconutter24 · 15/10/2025 16:49

My own daughter had a shedload of shit from her Dad’s stepdaughter.

What has this got to do with anything?

Butchyrestingface · 15/10/2025 16:52

I had told him ‘asked his permission’ a few weeks ago that I would like to ask his ex as well as I always got on with her and wanted her to see her daughters in their bridesmaids dresses. He was fine with it. I haven’t told ex-sil that she is invited yet nor mentioned bridesmaids to my nieces.

I find this all a bit confusing. Does ex-SIL know she is invited and that you want her kids to be bridesmaids?

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 16:53

Obviously, your own nieces come first and they shouldn’t have to have someone that bullies them there at an important family occasion. The bullying step daughter might have behaved that way because she is unhappy in her step family set up, which would be understandable, but it’s not your nieces fault.

R0ckandHardPlace · 15/10/2025 16:57

The nieces sound like horrible brats. I assume they are older than their step sister? They’re bullying a 9 year old!

Talipesmum · 15/10/2025 16:59

How old are your nieces? Especially the youngest one who is stirring, from the sound of it? Do they all live together at the moment?
I’d be guided by your brother, but wouldn’t want a child to be dictating who can and can’t come to the wedding, especially given they’re talking about a nine year old step sister.

Crunchymum · 15/10/2025 16:59

My youngest niece looked at partner’s daughter and asked what she would be doing that weekend while everyone else was at the wedding

This doesn't sound very kind from your DN !!!

I am still quite confused about it all to be honest @BeleagueredBride how old are you DN's? How long has your brother been with his new partner?

Will ex SIL even want to come? Presumably her DD's were invited ages ago? Will she think it's a pity invite / already have plans?

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 17:03

Coconutter24 · 15/10/2025 16:49

My own daughter had a shedload of shit from her Dad’s stepdaughter.

What has this got to do with anything?

Everything. Why would anyone invite someone to their wedding if that person has given ‘a shedload of shit’ to the brides own child?

ThejoyofNC · 15/10/2025 17:04

The way you have written this is really confusing. How old are your nieces?

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 17:04

Talipesmum · 15/10/2025 16:59

How old are your nieces? Especially the youngest one who is stirring, from the sound of it? Do they all live together at the moment?
I’d be guided by your brother, but wouldn’t want a child to be dictating who can and can’t come to the wedding, especially given they’re talking about a nine year old step sister.

Privately talking you your own Dad about something you’re worried about affecting a family occasion is not stirring.

Ponderingwindow · 15/10/2025 17:07

Talking to your father about complicated feelings about blended families is ok.

you don’t even tell us how long these people have known one another. We could be dealing with anything from a 9 year long relationship that the children just won’t get over to a dad who is pushing his own daughters out in favor of his latest girlfriend.

IPutASpellOnYou · 15/10/2025 17:07

How old are your nieces?

Southshore18 · 15/10/2025 17:08

really depends what the backstory is. Looks like the DN has an issue with her dad playing happy family with new partner and her daughters. impossible to say from the little bit if info you posted.

Crunchymum · 15/10/2025 17:08

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 17:03

Everything. Why would anyone invite someone to their wedding if that person has given ‘a shedload of shit’ to the brides own child?

Show quote history

But this isn't the same child?

The OP's DD's dad's stepdaughter isn't her brother partners child?

OP seriously though - make this a bit clearer as it is confusing!!

Stompythedinosaur · 15/10/2025 17:08

How old are the nieces?

Ultimately, it isn't up to them to decide who is or isn't invited to your wedding, so I wouldn't be inclined to uninvite a young girl because they are being awkward.

LuLuLemonDrizzleCake · 15/10/2025 17:09

Unless there is a massive drip feed coming, your neices are being brats by not wanting their stepsister there and by trying to control your wedding.

GenerateNewUsername · 15/10/2025 17:09

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 17:03

Everything. Why would anyone invite someone to their wedding if that person has given ‘a shedload of shit’ to the brides own child?

Show quote history

I think…and it is confusing …that this isn’t her step niece nor niece but someone completely unrelated which is why the poster is asking if it’s relevant.

But I may be confused as well!