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AIBU?

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Original poster

Niece and my wedding

497 replies

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 16:28

On Sunday evening my brother asked to meet me but I couldn’t but I met him on Monday.

He asked me if I was going to invite his partner’s 9 nearly 10 year old to my wedding.

I said that I hadn’t really thought about it but she could come if they didn’t have childcare. He seemed really relieved.

I had told him ‘asked his permission’ a few weeks ago that I would like to ask his ex as well as I always got on with her and wanted her to see her daughters in their bridesmaids dresses. He was fine with it. I haven’t told ex-sil that she is invited yet nor mentioned bridesmaids to my nieces.

Apparently on Sunday he and his partner were having lunch with one of his daughters and they were talking about my wedding. My youngest niece looked at partner’s daughter and asked what she would be doing that weekend while everyone else was at the wedding.

She then told her dad in the car on her own, that her sister who was not present would not be attending if his stepdaughter would be there trying to be their family.

My own daughter had a shedload of shit from her Dad’s stepdaughter.

I don’t want to upset my nieces and want them to have a good time at my wedding.

OP posts:
CarpetKnees · 15/10/2025 19:22

They are nice girls genuinely.

We can only go by what you post, obviously, BUT, from what you have posted , that is not the impression you are giving.

Their behaviour is very poor going on the information you have given us. Yes, everyone comes to the conversation with their own history and biases, but from the information you have given us, your nieces are behaving very badly.

godmum56 · 15/10/2025 19:22

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:16

I actually said to my brother that I hadn’t thought about his stepdaughter and she could come if nobody else could look after her.

I am going to backtrack because obviously my own nieces are my priority.

So unless he sorts something with them that is my stance.

I don’t see it as my nieces blackmailing me as they have never spoken to me about it.

My own daughter’s enjoyment would also be diminished without her cousins.

Do you not think that her expectation was that her father would pass her ultimatum on to you?

harriethoyle · 15/10/2025 19:23

Your neice sounds a horrible piece of work. I hope your brother tells you to shove off if you uninvite his partners daughter because your neice will undoubtedly rub it in her face.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:25

harriethoyle · 15/10/2025 19:23

Your neice sounds a horrible piece of work. I hope your brother tells you to shove off if you uninvite his partners daughter because your neice will undoubtedly rub it in her face.

Her brother is the source of the conflict!

KmcK87 · 15/10/2025 19:25

God what an awful family dynamic. If your brother’s partner has any sense she’ll take her daughter and leave the relationship, there’s really no moving forward from this, you’ve already set the precedence that your brothers step daughter will never be family.

Libra24 · 15/10/2025 19:26

If you nieces are 10/14 I'm sure they do understand why step sister is there. They just don't want her there. Which isn't really for you to get involved with.

Your brother needs to be the one who is managing the relationship between his children and step daughter. I don't think I could deliberately exclude a child without good reason.
Perhaps you should ask him why they don't want her there. If they are spending time together and in a serious relationship, it seems wild that the kids haven't understood that this is in fact an attempt at a new family. And step sister will be around for lots of things. Not necessarily with their permission.
The tricky bit is allowing them to make your wedding the battle ground. I don't envy you.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 15/10/2025 19:27

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:25

Her brother is the source of the conflict!

Show quote history

Yes, if anyone needs telling to shove off and uninviting it's DB!

BeretRaspberry · 15/10/2025 19:27

KmcK87 · 15/10/2025 19:25

God what an awful family dynamic. If your brother’s partner has any sense she’ll take her daughter and leave the relationship, there’s really no moving forward from this, you’ve already set the precedence that your brothers step daughter will never be family.

I completely agree with this.

OP, you might say they’re not being brats but they absolutely are in this instance.

Original poster
BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:27

He asked me if I was going to invite her.

I won’t bring the subject up with my nieces as they probably don’t know I know.

To be fair my brother does spend time alone with his children but they object to the other child’s presence at family meals.

OP posts:
Tiswa · 15/10/2025 19:28

harriethoyle · 15/10/2025 19:23

Your neice sounds a horrible piece of work. I hope your brother tells you to shove off if you uninvite his partners daughter because your neice will undoubtedly rub it in her face.

Or a girl struggling with the fact that her father is now a full time father figure to another girl while she presumably given the implication is she has moved further away sees him less frequently.

this is on him to sort out it is his circus all the OP needs to do is set out that her priority is 2 girls she known their whole lives as opposed to someone she has known at best 2-3 years and probably only met a handful of times

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:30

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:27

He asked me if I was going to invite her.

I won’t bring the subject up with my nieces as they probably don’t know I know.

To be fair my brother does spend time alone with his children but they object to the other child’s presence at family meals.

Did this all take place in the same conversation?

Like:

DB: Are you going to invite Claire's daughter Isla to the wedding?
You: I hadn't really thought about it, I guess she can come if you don't have childcare.
DB: Great, thanks! Oh by the way, Olivia says Evie won't come if Isla is there.

tiresomee · 15/10/2025 19:30

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:27

He asked me if I was going to invite her.

I won’t bring the subject up with my nieces as they probably don’t know I know.

To be fair my brother does spend time alone with his children but they object to the other child’s presence at family meals.

So they want a 9 year old child to never be present during a family meal in her own home? Yea they sound like really nice girls.

PenguinIce · 15/10/2025 19:30

You can’t uninvite a 9 year old that would be cruel and something you can not come back from. Do you want to be known as the person that excluded a 9 year old? Your nieces are struggling but you are the grown up and need to support them to move past this jealously, not condone their bad behaviour.

Toofficeornot · 15/10/2025 19:31

In this instance, you are all invited, do with that what you will.

xSideshowAuntSallyXx · 15/10/2025 19:31

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:27

He asked me if I was going to invite her.

I won’t bring the subject up with my nieces as they probably don’t know I know.

To be fair my brother does spend time alone with his children but they object to the other child’s presence at family meals.

Don't be naive they'll know.

MimiSunshine · 15/10/2025 19:31

CopperWhite · 15/10/2025 16:53

Obviously, your own nieces come first and they shouldn’t have to have someone that bullies them there at an important family occasion. The bullying step daughter might have behaved that way because she is unhappy in her step family set up, which would be understandable, but it’s not your nieces fault.

Where are you getting that the step daughter bullies her step sister (OPs niece) from?

nothing ti suggest that in the OP, if anything the niece sounds like the bully

Futurehappiness · 15/10/2025 19:31

AnxietySloth · 15/10/2025 19:13

Nobody is a brat. This is just the product - once again - of selfish adults prioritising their own wish for a live-in shag over what's best for their children.

The poor nieces have had to deal with the breakdown of their family and then seeing their dad move in and play dad to a child of a very similar age to themselves. That's unbelievably hard for them.

Now it's THEIR auntie's wedding and once again the child is going to be there playing happy families with their dad and THEIR family. I get it.

The 9 year old hasn't done anything wrong either. Her mum just shacked up with a man who already had a family. She doesn't deserve to get left out either.

I think as the bride I'd take my nieces aside and tell them that all the children of all the people whom you've invited are welcome at your wedding. But that THEY are your nieces and special to you and nobody will ever take their place in your heart. But I absolutely wouldn't be blackmailed into excluding a 9 year old, even if the blackmailers are just damaged children.

This. I don't agree your nieces are brats, it just sounds that they are struggling to have to share their family with their new 'sister'. It is not the little girl's fault though, I don't think the solution to this should be to be unkind to and exclude her. None of the children involved in this seem to be the priority they should be.

It is a shame that your DB is dragging you into his family mess. Did he bother to discuss with his own DDs before cadging an invite to your wedding for his partner's DD? It sounds not.

It isn't on you but your DB to deal with or fix this. This is your special day after all it would be nice if others remembered that. If I were you I would invite everyone you want there or feel it is appropriate to include. I feel for your DNs but they also don't get to dictate who is at your wedding; you do. Your decision who is there and nobody else's.

DontCallMeLenYouLittleBollix · 15/10/2025 19:32

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:27

He asked me if I was going to invite her.

I won’t bring the subject up with my nieces as they probably don’t know I know.

To be fair my brother does spend time alone with his children but they object to the other child’s presence at family meals.

Clearly not enough time. He's moved in with someone who has a similarly aged, same sex child who now gets him as daddy the majority of the time, of course they're struggling to contain their jealousy! And the equally blameless 9 year old is caught in the middle. I can already sense the therapy sessions in decades to come.

CombatBarbie · 15/10/2025 19:33

And if your brother marries his partner, will her child ever be considered family to appease your nieces??

Wow......just wow.....

Original poster
BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:33

MissScarletInTheBallroom

Kind of!

I couldn’t swear about the order. He seemed relieved that I was willing to invite her and then told me what younger niece had said in car

OP posts:
Tiswa · 15/10/2025 19:33

But all of this is the OPs brother to sort out and clearly he isn’t going a very good job.

what the OP can do is state that her priority is her nieces (as it is very clear that is true) and everything else is up to him.

sandyhappypeople · 15/10/2025 19:33

hold on a minute.. the timings on this are off.

They had a conversation as a family on SUNDAY, niece told her dad privately afterwards that if her step sister was invited she/her sister would not be attending.

THEN he talked to you on MONDAY to ask if the step sister was invited? and looked relived when you said she could be?? Maybe he was hoping you would say no she was not invited?

Based on the bad feeling the NIGHT BEFORE, why did you not discuss the implications of the invitations during that discussion with your brother?

Bundleflower · 15/10/2025 19:34

MummytoE · 15/10/2025 19:00

You can not let a 10 and 14 year old dictate who is at your wedding. Don't leave a 9 year old out. It's cruel.

This. If I’ve understood correctly, 1000000% this.

Maybe your nieces aren’t being very nice?

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 15/10/2025 19:34

Futurehappiness · 15/10/2025 19:31

This. I don't agree your nieces are brats, it just sounds that they are struggling to have to share their family with their new 'sister'. It is not the little girl's fault though, I don't think the solution to this should be to be unkind to and exclude her. None of the children involved in this seem to be the priority they should be.

It is a shame that your DB is dragging you into his family mess. Did he bother to discuss with his own DDs before cadging an invite to your wedding for his partner's DD? It sounds not.

It isn't on you but your DB to deal with or fix this. This is your special day after all it would be nice if others remembered that. If I were you I would invite everyone you want there or feel it is appropriate to include. I feel for your DNs but they also don't get to dictate who is at your wedding; you do. Your decision who is there and nobody else's.

Show quote history

It is a shame that your DB is dragging you into his family mess. Did he bother to discuss with his own DDs before cadging an invite to your wedding for his partner's DD? It sounds not.

If I've understood the OP's posts correctly, her DB was already well aware that his daughter(s) would kick off before he asked for an invitation for his partner's daughter.

Bundleflower · 15/10/2025 19:35

BeleagueredBride · 15/10/2025 19:16

I actually said to my brother that I hadn’t thought about his stepdaughter and she could come if nobody else could look after her.

I am going to backtrack because obviously my own nieces are my priority.

So unless he sorts something with them that is my stance.

I don’t see it as my nieces blackmailing me as they have never spoken to me about it.

My own daughter’s enjoyment would also be diminished without her cousins.

So two children get to demand the exclusion of innocent little girl that you should consider as a growing part of your family? Sorry, that stinks.