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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

DH’s desire for me to play this Stepford wife role is highly misogynistic

279 replies

Dropko · 15/10/2025 15:31

I recently married dh. He is 44 and I’m 31 so there is a bit of an age gap which I think may be part of the problem. We had quite a quick engagement so we are still adjusting in the early stages of our marriage.

Dh co-owns and co-runs a business. Think dentist or vet surgery. There are roughly 30 people who work there.

I really have no need to ever go in. It’s located in a surrounding village that I never need to go to.

Anyway, dh has said it would be nice if I occasionally dropped in and said hello. I said “what for” and DH said it would just be nice to show I care to staff. Given the nature of the business the work can be emotionally draining. But I don’t see how my presence will help in the slightest. Dh gave his business partner’s wife as an example. I personally could never constantly be dropping in the way she does. She’s always baking for the staff and doing coffee drop offs. It’s just not me. She’s also a housewife whilst I work full time and commute into London several times a week. Even if I didn’t work it’s not my personality to be like that. If I was going in I might bring in a treat if it was Easter or something. But I never go in.

I’m a bit miffed. If it was the opposite genders no one would expect the husband to go in and play nice. It’s really bizarre to me. Dh says I don’t want to come across stuck up! Or am I being a bit rude?

My friends say he should buy the staff muffins if he’s so concerned

OP posts:
AppropriateAdult · 22/10/2025 07:00

RawBloomers · 21/10/2025 23:58

For what purpose? What are you anticipating she will do at the workplace if her DH gets sick?

If her husband dropped dead tomorrow (sorry, OP!) then whether she liked it or not she would have many unavoidable interactions with the staff while all the logistics of the business were being sorted out. It would be helpful to have met them before, and to know their names. There’s nothing Stepford about that, it’s just the reality of being a business owner and married.

BerkleyChoo · 22/10/2025 09:06

AppropriateAdult · 22/10/2025 07:00

If her husband dropped dead tomorrow (sorry, OP!) then whether she liked it or not she would have many unavoidable interactions with the staff while all the logistics of the business were being sorted out. It would be helpful to have met them before, and to know their names. There’s nothing Stepford about that, it’s just the reality of being a business owner and married.

This is what I was trying to say

rookiemere · 22/10/2025 09:09

Has OP ever said how much she earns versus how much the business brings in?

A lot of assumptions are being made here, but usually in the 21st century I would say that OP is right to focus on her own paid career, rather than any supposed family benefits from her DHs job.

BerkleyChoo · 22/10/2025 19:41

rookiemere · 22/10/2025 09:09

Has OP ever said how much she earns versus how much the business brings in?

A lot of assumptions are being made here, but usually in the 21st century I would say that OP is right to focus on her own paid career, rather than any supposed family benefits from her DHs job.

It doesn’t matter what the income is, it would still need dealing with if the worst happened.

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