Would this be embarrassing in your family?

[Lorecan]

I know it’s only trivial but it’s hit a nerve.

So my family finds everything embarrassing. As a result I’m rarely able to say anything meaningful or share a soppy toast ona birthday for example. I think it comes from Dh who finds any expression of emotion saccharine. DC have followed suit.

Yesterday we watched Baby Boom (in memory of Diane Keaton who is a fav of mine) and I really enjoyed it. As the credits rolled I raised my mug and said “RIP Diane”.

Apparently I was being embarrassing! I’m hardly a soppy git and quite low key myself but it would be nice to occasionally be a bit more emotional

anyone else have families like this?

No! It's not that cringey.

I mean I wouldn't do it myself, but I certainly wouldn't sneer at someone for it.

I think it's your family's lack of tolerance and rudeness towards you that is "cringey", tbh. Tell them not to be so unkind.

🤣🤣🤣 I think we might be narrowing in on the issue. You take yourself very seriously, and feel that this is acceptable but when other people show an emotion (humour / laughter) this is not acceptable.

My grandfather, born 1893, WW1 survivor and very much a man of an earlier age, would sob at anything sad in a film (especially involving a horse in trouble) He toasted the living, he toasted the dead.

I don't think there is anything wrong with what you did OP.

People are fucking weird. It’s not at all cringe.

Diane Keaton was ace.

What about people who cheer or clap during sports events whilst watching them on tv? Is that cringe too?

Op you asked a question and you seem to disagreeing with everyone who has said it was a bit cringey.
That is obviously fine if you think what you did was ok but why ask AIBU if you obviously don’t think you are?

Team OP here.

By the standards of some posting here I should be publicly flogged for the ugly crying jag I had when Helen McCrory died - it was just a few weeks after my DM had died from cancer, and my (now late) DP and I had loved her in Peaky Blinders.

Funny thing is, the effort i have had to put into repressing my emotions after 5 close bereavements in as many years, means that really stupid things set me off. It all comes out somewhere apparently, and better a heartfelt toast to a loved celebrity in the privacy of one's own home if so moved than going suddenly postal in Sainsbury's.

Because that's the extreme result of not being allowed to show normal human emotions, be they a very restrained and heartfelt gesture like that described in the OP, or a good cry at something closer to home.

And sneering or belittling people is not a good look. Leads to all sorts of prolonged issues.

I think people have swallowed too much "resilience" claptrap, and don't realise that learning how to deal with emotion is part of building it, and it doesn't mean treating emotions as flaws to be corrected because it's uncomfortable for others.

I'd be annoyed at people alleging my entire personality was embarrassing. I mean in my family you need to do something pretty outrageous to be deemed embarrassing. If the person themselves doesn't feel embarrassed it's not an emotion you can force onto someone.

I think you need a different outlet for your sentimental side, OP. You do sound like a bit of a soppy sausage but you won’t be alone. You need to find your tribe.

It’s not cringey at all. My family are a bit like this though, anything I say or do results in raised eyebrows whereas I don’t get that outside of my parents house

I don’t see any problem with it. Your family sound a bit uptight and judgmental.

I don’t think what you did was emotional. Instead. it was performance grief which is why I would find it cringey. I’d see it as something someone would do who was trying to put on a show rather than it being a genuine show of emotion.

OP, would you have made a toast to her if you were alone? Because it seems to me as though you were trying to mark the moment for others’ benefit, but when there’s no audience other than family…. it feels theatrical.

Also, a toast usually belongs at formal mournings or celebrations, so doing it for a celebrity you didn’t personally know feels odd as if borrowing the language or an act of real grief for something

the whole thing is entirely mawkish. So cringe.

Absolutely, all these people cringing, what on earth is up with you all?!

You did absolutely nothing wrong!

Dear Lord….that’s quite the analysis!

I would find that cringey too. But then I am not someone who would lay flowers for a dead celebrity or visit the Monarch's coffin. Performative and public grief is all a bit odd to me.

OP saying RIP Diane, after watching a film of hers in the week after her death, while sitting in her lounge with her family is not in any way comparable to queuing up to visit a monarch or laying flowers for a celebrity (of which social studies have been done which explain human behaviour).

Performative implies it's done just for appearance rather than a genuine feeling.
OP liked Diane's films, in the wake of her death she enjoyed watching one of her films and then at the end raised a glass. I think it sounds very healthy. I'm pretty sure OP isn't dwelling on Diane's death, it was a small moment.

I get you. You felt something. That’s fine. People who find that embarrassing even to hear about are weirder.

OP says "Yesterday we watched Baby Boom (in memory of Diane Keaton who is a fav of mine) and I really enjoyed it."

I think she has felt some emotion on hearing about her death.
Who puts on a show in front of their own nuclear family?

Me too.

I don't see it as cringe worthy at all.

and I agree with other posters - these who would make fun of others doing something they wouldn't are the ones I would judge - not showing nice personalities at all.

I agree with all the posters who say it’s performative. I don’t think it was emotional at all, the opposite if anything as it seems contrived to get attention.

I don't think you were performative or insincere or over the top - you said a short sentence of respect for a woman you admired. I think the sudden sincerity and raising a mug from your sofa is a bit of an incongruous pairing, which might raise a giggle. But it's not worthy of mockery, and anyone who would go on and on about it is a dick.

Bloody hell!

Yes