Would this be embarrassing in your family?

[Lorecan]

I know it’s only trivial but it’s hit a nerve.

So my family finds everything embarrassing. As a result I’m rarely able to say anything meaningful or share a soppy toast ona birthday for example. I think it comes from Dh who finds any expression of emotion saccharine. DC have followed suit.

Yesterday we watched Baby Boom (in memory of Diane Keaton who is a fav of mine) and I really enjoyed it. As the credits rolled I raised my mug and said “RIP Diane”.

Apparently I was being embarrassing! I’m hardly a soppy git and quite low key myself but it would be nice to occasionally be a bit more emotional

anyone else have families like this?

I’d find it weird. Just sat there at the end of a film and you raise a mug and say rip name.

Why. Your just in your livingroom with family who knew why you watched the show not discussing how she just died with friends or her family to need to state rest in peace. Very performative look at me I’m so nice and good and caring.

Maybe. What I mean is that cringe stuff just becomes a family joke. It might not go exactly like that but the teens would be teasing whenever they got the opportunity.

I don't think you were being emotional, you replaced an honest expression of emotion with a rather awkward gesture. If you had said something more real, more honest, it would have been less cringey. I think it is you that struggles to be emotional.

It’s sweet but I did still cringe a little reading that

Yes, exactly this.

I don't think it's even a tiny bit cringey; I think it's lovely and would have done exactly the same.

I think you should express all the emotions you want, and your family will just have to deal with it! Sounds like it would benefit the DC to see some raw emotion!

Surely being with your family is a safe space and nothing you do is embarrassing. Like I often do stupid dances standing in the kitchen waiting for the kettle to boil and my kids laugh at me. I wouldn't do it if their friends were there. No one would bat an eyelid in this house at toasting a dead celeb.

Agree, this is key. It’s not about the woman dying is it otherwise you’d have not reacted to their reaction. What is happening , the big ticket stuff.

TBH I think your DH sounds as though he has been a controlling and hypercritical prat all your marriage and the kids have picked up on it. In your own home, with your own family, you should be able to express your thoughts and emotions freely, even if you get a bit of indulgent piss taking as a result. If you are being made to feel small, defensive, then it’s not really okay and I would push back.

I don't think anyone would have batted an eyelid in my house, if the same had happened. It's not like you were wailing hysterically at the TV!!! How old are your children? Families should know each other well enough, not to feel embarrassed around them. Otherwise you'll be walking on egg shells, wondering if breathing might be 'embarrassing'!!!

It just seems cruel to keep something going for years but I’m sure it depends on the dynamic.

And of course teens teasing a parent is different to everyone ganging up and teasing one of the children, which would be much worse.

I was 100% with you OP, until "RIP Diane" 🤣🤣 I think I'd have pissed myself laughing if I was there 🤣 You do you though, it's not like all emotion is cringe, far from it! Also a bit of lighthearted cringe never hurt anyone 👌🏼😊

I adored Diane Keaton and shed a tear or two when I read she had passed away. I don't think what you did was cringey at all! It's not as if you were in a crowded pub and stood up, banged on a glass and made a speech about her for half an hour. You raised a mug and said two words!

Being with our family should be a safe space to express ourselves. I wonder if DH has trained the kids to bottle up their emotions and they're afraid to show them in case they get mocked.

Sensitive lot on this thread, aren’t they? Cringing at a tiny toast.

Same for me as a Greek (I'm also possibly "English", I noticed your typo 🤣 I'm possibly ND), it's more common than you'd think!

It's anything furry or fluffy or feathery for me really and I'm on board.

people must be horrendously oppressed if they find that cringey. I was never a massive George Michael fan but I find his death tragic and I feel very nostalgic about his early music. I always say the same thing when he’s played on the radio. It might be one of the stupid little things they remember about me when I’m gone. I would personally wouldn’t make myself smaller for other people. If my family tried to shut me up I’d double my efforts 100%. I’d start to refer to them as the cyborgs… “ oh here he comes The Tin man… still trying to find his heart “

I liked her but raising your mug to toast her memory is performative and ott. Remarking “oh it’s sad” is normal. But raising mugs to dead strangers in front of your family is not something I’d find normal either. They are not repressed from what you’re saying.

I have to admit I do think this is a bit cringey. It’s certainly not something I would ever do, and I’d probably think you were joking and laugh… but then I’d immediately feel bad when it was clear you weren’t and keep my sniggering internal instead. Sorry!

I'm puzzled as to how it can be performative unless you stood up, banged on your glass to announce a toast and then spent an age wailing about her.

You were watching a film which has someone who has recently died and it was a part of the discussion pre film. At the end was a natural time to start talking, I imagine you already had a drink in your hand so it just seemed like a nice thing to do.

I could imagine myself doing it too especially when it feels like the end of an era.

I think it becomes annoying when someone is always the one to have the most words to say, or most intense feelings, or the most emotional reaction. It's like even when something happens to someone else, they want to centre themselves in the situation. Yes it is performative.

There's this guy I went to school with on my FB and he does this for any celebrity that he reads has died. He makes a post and acts like he really knew and liked them. I know he probably didnt because some are really vague band members and people like that. Might have known them vaguely or knew the band. The thing about this guy is that he has SEN so it is understandable in a sense. He hasn't really emotionally matured since secondary school.

Nope would of been fine in my household. We are all very open empathic and no topics off the table for discussion. I really do believe it's a healthier way to live.

My dh did come from a repressed stifling family he had to re learn everything but is so much better for it we all are. I think either way life has a way of humbling us. At some point we will all need help with something embarrassing.

Some people are very self conscious and this is pretty much all down to familial norms IME. I'm not surprised by it as my family and tbh friends, regularly do things like this.

Your family needs to bloody get over themselves! There was nothing cringey about showing some respect to somebody you admire. How strange? It’s not like you ran up and down the road in your bra and knickers ffs!

I couldn't agree more with this.

I really dislike those who project their lack of emotional connection onto others - dismissing them as cringe and performative.

I would far more prefer to be in the company of someone like OP, over folk who mock others for things like OP's little tribute.

It is indeed no wonder we have a serious mental health crisis when piss taking cringing, and being embarrassed is the default to another's display of emotion.

In any case OP, you have bigger issues than your mug toast. Your home isn't one I could be happy in, personally. I would absolutely hate having to sit on how I felt all the time, edit any little show of emotion - no matter how overly sentimental. I couldn't live like that.

We are very open with our emotions as a family. Most of us have felt upset when a celebrity we liked has died and we talk about them, their music, films, sports or whatever they did that we admired and enjoyed and may even have a bit of a cry. We wouldn’t make a toast to them though, as others have said, that seems awkward and performative. It would probably make me laugh if someone did it, which I would try my best to stifle. 😬 The people I know that have done similar are quite attention seeking.