I think (well pretty much know) my husband is having an affair. Will blow our family apart. WWYD?

[ImNotReallyHere]

We’re late 50s, early 60s. Husband has had ED problems for a year after an accident. He travels for work every week and I’ve just discovered Viagara in his work bag. He’s having an affair isn’t he?

I can’t confront him yet. He earns £100k. I earn minimum wage as was a SAHM to two teens. Need to get a plan in place but can’t see how without destroying the family and me being penniless.

What would you do? Been married 25 years and feeling absolutely blindsided

Have you been having sex with each other?

You would hope so!

Would a man walk into an affair situation though knowing he has ED? Wouldn't that be particularly stressful for him and perhaps make the problem even worse?

Of course not, I just replied based on what OP said. I could be completely wrong, you could be wrong, who knows 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m not sure where you got the idea that I said people only take jobs that require travelling so they can have affairs.

I thought this straight away too

What do you want to do? Do you want to save your marriage or would you prefer to get it over with now? Do you still love or care for him or is it that he provides for his family that is affecting your decision?

Decide what you want to do and if it is divorce get yourself to a solicitor for proper legal advice. In fact do that anyway.

I wouldn’t be too sure. If you were a man and your bits didn’t work properly after an accident, would you jump right into an affair or sex workers where performance is an issue? It might be that he’s trying viagra to see how it works for him in the privacy of a hotel room. There might be a lot of shame around it. Do you have access to his phone/bank accounts?

Well my eyes have been truly opened about what women will tolerate from this thread.

The man travels for work, stays in hotels and has viagra. He is not practicing to get a hard on 😂

I would start with an std check, then I would find a way to get the evidence I need without asking (because males lie)

It’s likely escorts.
Male ED is usually caused by porn (yeah I said it)

Sorry, they’re just like this.

After collecting the evidence, I would make the guy wish he’d never met me

Good luck lady! This may be your ticket out of the BS we call marriage

Some of us are married to good men who don't lie routinely, it's harsh to call all and only men liars

I hope you ladies are, but from what I’ve seen and experienced, unlikely..

Still, I wish all the best to you.

He may be keeping it in his work bag rather than leaving it where you may find it as he is terribly embarrassed. Men are rather proud when it comes to their willies.

Maybe; maybe not. If the Viagra sorts the ED problem for him (albeit not his fidelity problem), he might be bold enough to go ahead and do it anyway.

I don't know what goes through the mind of a cheater. I'd have thought that knowing they were cheating would be enough to put somebody too much on edge to be able to go through with it; but obviously plenty of people manage to suppress/manage/ignore that.

Well if he travels for work every week and he wanted to try it out (when alone, not with his wife in and kid in the house) why would it be in the bathroom?

You specifically highlighted it as supposedly a red flag and part of the 'evidence' of him cheating.

Yes, it would make it easier for somebody who did want to have an affair, but travelling for work is a perfectly normal thing that a great many people do routinely and manage perfectly well not to have an affair whilst doing it.

I hope you're not a GP.

Do you believe that male pattern baldness is caused by porn as well?

If he's been suffering from ED for a year, surely he'd try the viagra out a few times before he'd have the confidence to go to bed with a new lover. There are only 2 tablets missing. It doesn't add up to me.

There’s been a great post in the last year about what sucks to line up where and I can’t remember the title - sorry you’re going through this.

True. It could be that he is planning to have an affair, and OP has caught him out early. Or he's using them as a trial intending to hopefully use them with OP/for self-confidence/'me time' purposes for himself alone.

We don't have enough info or evidence to know.

You don’t cheat on children that’s a big silly.
You cheat on your spouse or partner.

He is not necessarily having an affair but not necessarily not. Many men with ED do use Viagra to masturbate. Also to try out whether it will work. But also, contrary to what some on this thread believe, men with ED do have affairs (some women would even see it as a challenge: can I be the one to get him up when his wife can't?)

Is this drinking half a bottle of whisky and passing out a regular occurance?

I think this may be the case OP.

I wouldn't auto jump to cheating in this case. I would ask him.

Hope you're doing okay.

It is a perfectly normal thing for work purposes yes, and it’s also a work life that enables opportunity to cheat for those who want to.

I hope this is simple enough for you to understand what I meant now.